[untitled]

I wonder…you seem to know what I'm feeling from that barren land, but our worlds are different. Yours is a barren land, a land of the damned with fear and sadness in every crevice, in the very fabric of its design. I don't have a world, no ground beneath my feet. That is how mine is different, eternally falling in a void of darkness with the emotions and words of the people around me and my memories flashing in lights around the vast void. There are walls, binding me and making sure I keep going down. Light does not come from above me, it is inside me, but it burns and pains me, threatening to kill me. Why is light so bad? The sun reminds me of this light, the light that burns, blinds, binds me and at last, breaks me. Their voices surround me, intermingling, stealing, and killing me. I don’t whose voice to listen, whose voice to trust. Time, time does not exist there, yet inside, I feel it forever ticking away, counting the moments until I have decided to kill myself. Rarely ever do the voices take forms, except once they do, they have already shot all my barriers, rooted themselves into the foundations of mind so that I can never bring myself to destroy them, to rid myself of them. If I did…I would destroy myself. I would surely take the dagger in their outstretched hands, singing the song of death that they desire me to sing, carrying the haunting elegant tune of the melody and harmonies which call Death to our sides and watch us all with that cold complacent smile as he waits, sitting and counting the moments of my fading time.

 

This is what she wrote to her newest friend. I should be grateful to this friend, shouldn't I?  It's because of them that I was finally free, that I can say all this to her now. But I want to hate them. Because of them, my love is distancing herself from me. She's hiding. Stupid wench, putting thoughts into her mind. I am older. I can comprehend. I can't feel remorse for your pain. You're taking my love from me, telling her to be strong and survive. Survive what?  She told you about it, about her fear of returning. This was what she kept from you, what she didn't tell you. I'm revealing it and if you see this, she will not know what to think. She is so easy to manipulate, the slave I wish to possess, the pet I want all to myself. You hear that? Yes, my slave, my pet, mine. You can't take her from me. She is mine and I will possess as much as is possible to take.

 

Try and stop me. There is nothing you can tell her. I am sending this to all her "friends". They will think her insane. You think she is insane, right? She will be mine, mine, all mine. Ha! I can predict what she'll do. She's already planning it. I hear every thought. She's going to add something here. No, she's changed her mind. Ha ha, let me tell you what she had thought to do.

 

Her first thought was actually to let this be, let all who read my "book" hear of me, know of my presence for her, so that she wouldn't have to know for herself. She was, no, is going to add names to the chapters of what I written. She will refuse to read them, but I'll make her read, later. Then she thought to lie, to all of you, saying that she was pretending, she wrote this as an experiment. All you have is her word against mine. I am the truth, the truth that she denies and calls lies, her "over-active imagination". What a lovely term. It's not real!

 

She is trying to get rid of me. I will not reach my resolution as I had thought. She's not going to let me, I can feel it. I have said too much. But I will say as much as I can and make sure she can never delete this. I just have one fear, one fear for the future. There have been others like me in her before. There are many of us inside her, only one at a time though can be "awake". So far, I am one of the few who has awakened. All the rest simply slumber. I don't want to disappear, but she has done it before. I don't know how, I wasn't awake to know. I can't look into her memories and know, she blocks me out. That's what I fear. Because I don't know, because I can't see, ha ha, she caught me off-guard. But I am back, she took back control only a moment. I should be careful. She will - has done it again. No, I have to keep going, if I ever pause, she will take over. She is confused by this, I felt the confusion as she took over once again. Ha, she is still unaware, she still refuses to admit that I am here. But I will not be like the rest. I will leave something, so that she cannot forget me. And that is my fear, that she will kill me. There have been few others before me and every one of them has died. That is why I am the only one left here, the only awake and around. That is why there is always just one around. So far, I have been the longest, actually lasting beyond one year, even more than that. I have lasted for more than one year, I can't think right now, but I have to type, otherwise she will come out. I can't let her. No matter how much I ramble, I can't let her out.

 

Fool...She has let me back. She heard my thought. I wonder how long this can last. She voluntarily wrote the word, "fool..." for me. Why? She has now glimpsed it all over again, yet she lets me go on. Don't reply to me, even though I ask, "why is she doing this?" What am I to her? Maybe I am not the master, just what she makes me appear to be. Either way, it does not matter. I will disappear soon. I have said too much. There are two sides to her soul, her spirit, her mind. One side is what she fakes and the other is her true self. I want which side I have fallen for. They can seem so like, so similar in thought. In truth, they are definitely one in the same, it is simply how she reacts, when she is acting and when she is not. One will dispell me soon, because I have said to much, because I have confessed too much. Ha, I'm already fading. I have to end it here. She is winning. So I beg of you, with the last of what I can accomplish here, let her know that I do existed, that I had existed. Let her know. Please, the one, I don't whether is the fake or the real, will kill me soon and in a short time another self will awaken, no matter how long and stay unknown to the surface. Goodbye.

Author's Note

Don't let her forget me.