The Best Gays in History

A friend of mine and I had this idea in history class one day. It was too funny to pass up. The theme is "The Pot and the Gay"

 

One day in 1788, a nineteen year old Napoleon was walking along with his giant pot on his back. All of a sudden, something catches his eye in a shop. The store owner says he has to leave his pot outside. Not wanting to leave his giant pot, Napoleon walked on. Just then, a thief races by and accidentally spills a strange powder on Napoleon, transporting him to the past. Scared of his new surroundings, Napoleon runs with his giant pot into a covering and then jumps into the pot to hide. After a couple of hours pass by, Napoleon has fallen asleep in his giant pot.

At the same time, just beyond the clearing, an army has set up camp. Scouts sent out to survey the land find Napoleon’s giant pot and try to take it back, but because of the size and Napoleon’s and his pot’s combined weight, they are unable to. So they leave three scouts to watch the pot, while the other two go back and report to their general. Their general, Alexander the Invincible, is intrigued by the discovery and orders a cart to go out and retrieve the giant pot. Within an hour, the five scouts and four extra men return with the giant pot. Instantly, their general falls in love with the pot and orders it to his quarters, not knowing that Napoleon is inside, sleeping his time away.

In the next few months, Napoleon wakes up in his pot every so often, but is too scared to venture out. At the same time, Alexander thinks that the pot is alive and offers it food and drink, which is basically giving food and drink to Napoleon. After the first few months, Alexander conquers the Persian Empire and forces himself to marry the Persian princess, even though he loves Napoleon’s pot. In that time, Napoleon has come to fall in love with this strange man who has fallen in love with his pot.

So five years later, Alexander’s son discovers Napoleon in the pot, but decides to say nothing, since his father doesn’t even seem to know for himself. Years of boredom accumulate in Alexander’s wife, forcing her to one night, sneak into her husband’s chambers, while Napoleon is out, to smash his precious pot. Outside their door, while this is happening, a scholar is talking to Alexander’s five year old son and says, “Your father is such a great man.” In response, the son remarks, “I guess he’s great. He’s sleeping with his beloved pot that so happens to have a man living inside it.” Leaving the man dumbfounded, the son walks off as if what he said was nothing. Back in the room, Alexander mourns his beloved pot, but then Napoleon comes back. When he sees his wonderful pot smashed, Napoleon ignores his love of Alexander and mourns his beloved pot as well. Noticing him, Alexander falls in love at first sight, declaring his love right then and there. Napoleon, in return, registers his words in his mind slowly, and then jumps with joy.

Another four years go by and Alexander’s son is nine years old. Once again, Alexander’s wife is bored, but she can’t do anything because Napoleon is a guy, not a pot. One night, outside the door, a scholar is talking to Alexander’s son and says, “Wow, your father has gotten even greater than ever before.” The son looks away with an expression of “uh…yeah” as he replies, “Yup, my father is just wonderful. He’s gay and he’s sleeping with the man who lived in his pot that he used to sleep with and secretly loved him back.” With that, the boy walks away, whistling a shaky tune as if it was nothing.

Three years pass by and suddenly, Alexander dies. His wife laughs after something finally happening after years of boredom, Napoleon cries and mourns, and his son comforts his gay lover as he shakes uncontrollably with the fear of his mother. Shortly after, Napoleon gets sent back to his time and still sad, he buys another pot.

The End.

Author's Note

Don't take this too much to heart. It was just a quick write-up

Reviews

[pamzilla. &hear..]

I can honestly say that I came because of the title and stayed because of the excellent story.
I liked it, it almost makes me want to buy a giant pot xD