Loving Love

One of my most recent stories, I had actually added this a while ago, but with the deleted data, this went too. It was inspired by a topic written by a fellow writer here. The theme is "Cupid".

 

Cupid. That’s how everyone sees him, but it is wrong how he is pictured. He’s not a guy too masculine to be seen as the epitome of lust instead of love and he wasn’t some practically naked baby or guy who goes around with great white wings and shooting arrows on a small bow. No, that wasn’t him. In all reality, his attire changed with the decades, his bow was long and everlasting, no white wings extending from his back all hours of the day or night, and he never aged. Forever caught in the body of a twenty year old man with a sharp muscular build.

 

You don’t know it, but he could be walking right by you and you’d never notice. He had a practical style and a good life. His arrows were still bright of sun rich gold and sharp of moonshine silver. Tall, kind-hearted, energetic, social, and agile, no one would ever suspect it was him, not at all. Over thousands and thousands of years old, he was gifted with an exceeding amount of knowledge and naturally talented in the art of creativity and matchmaking.

 

It was his job to shoot his arrows and open the gates of the heart in order to reveal that this one is the love of one’s life, but it couldn’t be mistaken that he chose the one that the gates opened to or if one strays to someone wrong. Cupid used his arrows to open hearts, not invade them. Of course, he can see the image of the future beloved in the heart of his designated client. However, if it so happens that the time of his recent client doesn’t match that of their predestined time, then it is in that moment that Cupid must intervene and unite the lovers in order to match the times, or at least not have them stray too much from the original times. There was a balance he kept and his job was indeed love itself. Still, one thing he’d never do is cause people to move to someone else. That’s what the heart is for.

 

Cupid never fell in love, or at least, he hadn’t yet. He couldn’t look inside his own heart and the see the girl or guy that is there. For thousands of years, Cupid searched for the one his heart led to, if there was a person in his heart. With time, he gave up, contenting his search by focusing on his work. Centuries moved by him and he had no idea as to feel the loneliness he felt. Having a face that couldn’t age and being of a race beyond mankind, he was forced a distance between him and the rest of the world. Friends came and went with the seasons, Kids grew up, adults had no time, and his heart led him to none among either his kind or the kind that his job took management over.

 

No one would see him. They’d only know Cupid, the angel or messenger or guardian of love. There wouldn’t ever be a person that knew him as Cupid, the man. Every morning, he’d awaken to a lonely bed. Each season, he would have no one at his side to watch the wonders and beauty. With every century, he’d have no one to love him, speak to him, care for him, and see him for the man he is. At his side, there would always be that dark space that would waited hopefully to be filled, but would never see the end. That’s what he thought, always.

 

Then one day…she came. “Hello sir, I’m Sonal. Mom and I live next door.”

 

Sonal was a little girl when he first met her and she was the first ever to notice him, at all. Her mom didn’t tell her to go around and introduce herself to her neighbors, but Sonal had been taught by her father to be a good friend, a good neighbor, and a girl worth respecting. For some reason, reasons that not even she could comprehend, Sonal came by every day after school and greeted him hello. Sometimes, she gave him food or some flower she received from the flower shop owner down the street and sometimes, she just smiled and walked away. It was the first time in his immortal life that he ever had someone actually notice him there, the man, and just say “hello”. In those few years, he felt happy and eager to see her every day.

 

Then one sad day, she was gone. Her mother moved them somewhere south and she was not there anymore to acknowledge him, to come by and just say “hello”. The years that went on after she left were the loneliest years he had ever known. It surprised him how much for granted he had taken her calm respectful greetings, her unpredictable reasonless offerings of beautiful life, and her sudden blessings of warm delicious food, not from someone else or her mother, but made by her little hands alone.

 

More time passed by him until he had to relocate again. There was only so much time that he could spend in the same place. Being forever young, he had to move every five or so years. This time, a single city on a map had drawn him. He couldn’t explain it and didn’t care to question. Then he saw why.

 

As he was walking down the street, looking out at his list of new clients, he caught sight of an all too familiar face. Across the street, in the courtyard of a high-class private school, she sat on a bench as she calmly ate a sandwich. She was still the same little burst of life that kept close to the shadows. Her demeanor was mature and respectful, calm and reserved. Just then, as he stood staring at her, she slowly lowered her sandwich and gazed at him. The impassive shadow of her eyes instantly disappeared as an expression that he’d never seen on her before lit her face. Hurriedly, she packed her belongings and rushed out to him, not caring if she just jaywalked across the street. Once she reached him, she surprised him by swiftly bowing. From her expression a few seconds before, he had expected her to jump and embrace him.

 

After their unexpected little reunion, she came to his house often and gave him a gift that he saw no other had the privilege of receiving, her smile. Every day, the same hello, the same blessing of food, the same offering of a flower she cut from her garden. She never skipped a day, coming before school and after. Many times, he had thought of looking in her heart and seeing the person that was locked behind those gates, but he always drew back it. Something about seeing in her heart frightened him. Could it be that he was scared to find another in her heart other than him? Or maybe he was scared to find that in her heart was his reflection? Whatever was there, whatever his reasons could be, he really didn’t want to see.

 

Three years passed by and she was accepted into a prestigious college. She wanted to go, but something kept her behind. It wasn’t her family or friends. Of that, she confided in him. He was stunned, when he found that the reason was a man. For once in his life, he felt that bittersweet pain that came with love and he knew...it was her. If there was ever someone he loved, it was her, but wait. What if his image wasn’t in her heart? What if the man really was someone else? These thoughts in his head, he urged her to go, keeping himself from her.

 

A distance greater than him and all others was drawn. Slowly, with the days leading to her departure, she withered away in his gaze. No one else saw it, but he did. She drew away from her friends, from her family, from all people. Her demeanor of maturity and respect, of tranquility and reservation became more and more permanent. Rumors traveled around the city and one heart-wrenching rumor reached his ears soon enough. Sonal’s mother tried speaking to her, she couldn’t get to her and during their conversation, Sonal had transformed and became as empty as a lifeless doll. He couldn’t stand it. That’s how he was feeling too.

 

Nights before she was to leave, he called her to him, to his bed. He loved her and even if she was straying from the original person in her heart, he’d drown her in his love. Not letting her go for even one second of those days, ignoring his work and hiding her from the world, he kept her at his side and in his bed. She screamed and he filled her, loving her with every ounce of his being. Light of the sun and shadows of the night couldn’t separate her from him. There was no possible way that he’d allow it.

 

“I love you, Sonal.”

 

She didn’t ever reply, but then, she didn’t have to. Her eyes said it all. No words had to be said, except for those four. He saw her tears and joy, heard her screams and moans, felt her mold to him and her heat, and filled her continuously, never able to get enough of loving her and letting her feel how much he loved her. His one joy, one love, one life, and one heart was her and her alone.

 

Then he saw it. Something he had never considered, but would’ve feared all the same. Her back was to him and he saw into her heart before he knew what he was doing. There was nothing, just a deep darkness without a face. His image wasn’t there and so was every other man’s. He hadn’t thought to fear this. He had never seen any like it. Was it possible that she couldn’t love?

 

He saw her off at the gates, wishing her good luck and promising to come to her on his next holiday. That was an empty promise. Even if it hurt him more than death and hell, he couldn’t go back to her. The pain was too much, knowing that her heart belonged to none. If that was how it is, all he would know is pain and emptiness from loving her. She couldn’t return it, making that there was nothing for him to take and fill.

 

Two years went by, yet the years felt as long as a slow century to him. He knew that loving her as he did would hurt him. He didn’t know that he had already given her his entire heart and every day that he awakened without her, the pain of once having a heart would stab him like a million knives. It didn’t matter anymore. There’s no chance that he would go to her…even if he was being selfish.

 

“You’re Cupid, aren’t you?”

 

She found him. Meeting her calm gaze, he saw that she knew exactly what she was talking about. Two years, only two years and she had figured out who he was. Nothing had changed about her, except for the hopeful longing in her eyes. He knew it was for him, watching how she drew closer to him. A painful smile spread on her lips before she embraced him tightly, desperately hoping for him to return the favor. He couldn’t refuse. His arms wrapped around her and he replied, “Yes.”

 

“Why did you turn from me? Aren’t you lonely? You’ve stayed the same ever since I first met you…let me be that one beside you.”

 

He sighed. It wasn’t that easy. In her heart, he saw no image, which could only mean that she couldn’t truly love. That was not what he wanted, no matter how much he loved her and needed her. He’d have to tell her.

 

Facing her, he said sadly, “It’s not that easy, not for you…”

 

“Why?”

 

“I…don’t see an image in your heart. You don’t have a beloved…You can’t love me as I wish you could.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

She was smiling at him and he couldn’t comprehend why. In her eyes, she looked as if she knew the answer, as if she knew why. Could it be so simple that he failed to see it? No, it had to be something else. Even the simplest of meanings were easy to find as long as you look hard enough. He searched her heart as much as he could, but he still found nothing. Her smile was unwavering as understanding formed in her eyes.

 

Brimming with joy, she answered all of his questions, “I don’t need love…because I have love itself.”

 

In that moment, he finally saw it. The darkness didn’t exist. It was never really there because her heart…was filled with an image. She loved love in the flesh and that was who he was. Everything that he stood for, everything that he is was reflected in that darkness in her heart. Light reveals everything and darkness hides everything. That’s why he hadn’t seen it. This darkness wasn’t a void, never a void.

 

It was his image.

 

“I love you, Sonal.”

 

“And I love…love.”

Author's Note

I understand some of it is sloppy. I don't mind the harsh criticism. Actually, I prefer it.

Reviews

[Suzanne C. Suber]

Actually this piece captured & kept my attention till the end. I was interested in seeing where you would take it & you put this together perfectly. A great Valentine's story!