Whisperings of Grey

Just something I'm experimenting with. I'm posting this to get some feedback. If enough people think it's any good, I'll keep writing.

   1.

 

   The blood-red sun beat down upon the iron-clad men of Meeno Province as they marched onward in formation, their swords drawn. The youngest of the squadron eyed the terrain around them nervously. Several hours prior, the very same troops had engaged--and routed--the ragged forces which had mercilessly laid ruin to the outlying villages of the area, leaving none alive. Khan Mirage was quick in demanding vengeance and retribution for his people.

   His middle-son, Amir, had led the Meeno forces to victory in a decisive battle by baiting the enemy's calvalry into a controlled area. Most had surrendered; none had left the valley in which they were caged. Now they were in pursuit of the remaining infantry forces, as his orders were to return only when all the cutthroats had been put to the sword. The chase had commenced for hours, and now he found himself at the fore of his forces on horseback right without the beginnings of the Forest of Shadows. And now we are the fools who take the bait, he thought.

   There were two-hundred men under his command, half of which had never seen battle until this miserable day. It was undoubtedly one of the hottest days he had yet to suffer, and his accursed armor offered no respite. "M'lord, it would certainly be downright foolish of us to follow," said his second-in-command, Adi.

   Amir pondered the situation for a moment before responding, "My thoughts exactly, Lieutenant. And taking the horses would leave us at a definite disadvantage. If they can even mount a resistance, anyways."

   "Just the same. We have defeated the bulk of their forces. It will be a long time before they think to challenge us again. Why not return to the capital? We are already four day's distance from the closest town in the Kingdom."

   "Don't be naive, Adi  . You know as well as I that my father will be displeased unless we bring back their idiot leader's head atop a pike." Amir was all of seventeen years of age, and though he was only a youth, his prowess in battle was renown throughout the region. It came as no surprise that he led the forces, and not his eldest brother, Uday, the gentle and timid artist. Amir removed his helm and took in what little breeze the conditions offered. His thick black hair fell freely to his shoulders, as it was nobility's practice to shorten their hair but once a year. His olive-tinged complexion was common to his people, though many believed he had a certain sheen that marked him special. Most all of the women of the court found him handsome by any measure, but most could not meet his cool gaze; the children of Meeno Province swore that his gray-speckled eyes were devoid of any and all traces of humanity. Though his actions outside of battle had always been honorable and compassionate, a fire brew within him. "You know what come's next," he said as he unsaddled his horse.

   Adi turned to face the men, "Blue Platoon, stay with the horses and make camp! Green, we go within! Light armor, and minimal gear." The men hastened to obey and the soldiers of the Green were ready in short minutes. Those under Green were trained to fight in any terrain their vast and seemingly infinite continent had to offer. They were the elite of the Khan's forces. Adi prepared to make a quick check of his men when he saw Amir out of his armor as well. "M'lord, you cannot--"

   "I'm coming with you. Unless you wish to be left behind, there will be no more arguing. Now ready the men."

 

 

 

Author's Note

Just something I'm experimenting with. I'm posting this to get some feedback. If enough people think it's any good, I'll keep writing.

Reviews

[Gaiamethod]

I would definitely keep writing this. It is well written.
Having read one of the comments below I think that that information would come out through the writing. Not having everything spelled out means that the reader is challenged to wonder about what kind of people they are, where they come from etc.
I like the mystery/information to unfold without being handed all of the information on a plate. part of the fun is figuring it all out. So if it emerges as part of the story then it flows much more easily in terms of the characater's relationships to one another and the events in their lives and how they manage them.
Personally I prefer action. Long discriptive passages make me 'phase out'.
I like the beginning of this story and I will definitely read on once you have written it. Keep me posted!

[Kyro]

amazing...im breathless, its the best work uve ever done

[Philosophile. (Maddy)]

I did like it, but if you decide to continue writing I think you need to add more in regards to where these people are, the rituals they adhere to, etc. Your voice in your writing is interesting as it's like a beautiful combination of the regalness of Shakespeare's time combined with the present.

[Here No More]

I think this is pretty cool. Very detailed and colorful, and I like that it sounds feasible (at least so far, we ARE in the Fantasy section, ha. I happen think the best basis for fantasy is a solid grounding in rationale). I hope you write more of this. I'd read it.

[Up To Beat Boi]

very good, I loved it!!!!
great job, intresting.