Chapter I : Debtors Recompense

The market streets of Fallonmaine were alive with the rabble of brightly coated kinsman, pushing and shoving their way through the throng. The narrow streets were teeming with life, and the smog of aromatics weaved loosely through the humid air. Stools and carts bombarded the the walkways, diverting the stream of determined wanderers into a zigzagged route to their unknown destinations. The citadel was overflowing with the arrival of farmers, their goods loaded slovenly aboard their fragile wooden carts which they hauled from their waists. Today, like all other days, was the day of agglomeration, more locally know as Debtors Recompense - all tradesmen of the lower class are entitled, as the King's Law dictates, to offer up the best of their produce to the King. This was the King's was of assuring, in the current deterioration of his civilisation, that the nobility of Fallonmaine would remain sustained above the rest. This was one of his many corrupt decrees which better no one but himself, and in fact encouraged the dilapidation of the kingdom of Relaine.

The degradation of the race of men had begun many moons ago, shortly after the current King Helguar took the throne for himself. Before then, Reliane was a prosperous, plentiful land, liberated from a governing authority, and interracial coexistence never caused any issues. Now, the kingdom of men had wiped any traces of other creatures from the civilised world, pushing the other races, which were once highly regarded, into the wilderness of the Eastlands - bar the Grey Elves; the most majestic of their kind, whom now settle in their scarce numbers in the distant city of Lhanbryde, far from the reach of the venomous and discriminative King. The race of men slowly began to shrivel, for reasons no one could justify, yet all blamed the King in their silent prayers. The settlements along the Land's Vein - the once bustling trade route of roadways, stretching from one neck of the kingdom to the other - had crumbled away, and the occupants had receded to the few remaining towns which surrounded Fallonmaine. The land was littered with the ruins of men, a grand graveyard of injustice.

The decreased population caused the land to wilt, and crops began harder to find or forage. The King insisted it was for the good of the people that all the farmers (of whom few remain) surrender their harvests to the King, with the persuasion that they may then live to see another day. The farmers were silently starving away, but nothing could be said, nor done, for anyone who spoke out against the King was slaughtered in the most ungodly manor.

In the hubbub of the city, a farmer and his son trundled along, dragging with them a cart full of wheat, wool and hand crafted wicker baskets. The old man, Esbern, had occupied every waking with working his farm, whilst his son, Connah, tended to the sheep and weaved wicker baskets to fetch some extra coins. The two worked themselves to the bones to meet the standards of the Recompense, though often it was barely enough. This term, Esbern had collected a small harvest; the soil had become ashen and infertile, which the farmer was inclined to believe was due to the regular arson attacks on the surrounding farms, including the mill Esbern had previously run. The farmer feared the consequences of providing insufficient produce, though did his best to conceal his concerns from his son.

As they clambered to the top of the market district, they reached the line of guards surrounding the square before the gates of the castle. The peasants crowding below stood back in their boots, gazing up at the intimidating glory of the dark stoned fortress shadowing over the city. One by one, the farmers were taken through the barrier and up to a scribe, who took their residence name and amount of products. Esbern was dragged to the flamboyantly dressed scribe, nose upturning, before whimpering the two phrases: Sutton Mill and 6. The scribe peered down from his parchment.

"Six?" He sneered. "I'm afraid that...six...yields of weeds makes for no fair labour," He sneered once more. "Take the rest." He waved his hand to the guards, who snatched the farmer from his feet and and trailed him mercilessly back to his farm, before gathering together all the profitable items - including the few personal possessions the two had acquired through sentimental attachments. The small farm was stripped bare, leaving Esbern and his son with nothing but the clothes they stood in. The brutes had even taken the tools used for tending the fields. Now, they had no means of work, and were soon to follow in the footsteps of their absent neighbours.

Author's Note

First draft, there are mistakes, I haven't proof read, and this will NOT be the final version of the first chapter. Please feel free to point out the mistakes, or where things could be improved, as that'd help me a lot. :)

This is one of my largest fantasy adventure plots, so I would love to hear people's opinions!

Also- the name of the main character, Connah - what are people's views on this name?

Reviews

[Vile]

You are quite the talented writer. :D I regret not looking at your work sooner, forgive me. I think you should continue this one for sure. You did well with the dialogue, one thing people forget alot when writing stories taking place in this time period is that the characters have to speak as if in that time period, so based on your poem I read and this, you adapt well to archaic speach and the proper language of the time period. Well done.

[G.A. Collins]

Thank you very much! I do intend on continuing this story, as the more I create, the further I fall into their world! :') I do feel like this introduction is rather dull, however...so I'm currently working on an alternative which I'll be posting within the week - hence why I haven't gotten round to reading the rest of your chapters ;)

[Vile]

Well I look forward to the alternitive. :D
AND your reviews of the rest of my chapters, and when can I expect that? :P

[G.A. Collins]

I'll promise to read them tomorrow! I'll clear my schedule just for you! ;)

[Vile]

Good good. I look forward to it. :D If you liked the first one, you'll like the others. And you understand the first chapter alot better after reading the second. Makes more sense. :P

[G.A. Collins]

I had already attempted the beginning of the second earlier today, until I got annoyingly dragged for, the Internet -__- and from what I've seen, I'm already engrossed. Your piece is so different, and so mysterious, not even to mention how enthralling your characterisation is! Tomorrow I'll have plenty of time to read, so no doubt I'll dig through them all! ;)

[Vile]

Thank you. :D you're too kind. Im glad to hear you've taken such a liking to it. Letshope I finish the book eh? Hahaha

[G.A. Collins]

Oh, you must finish the book...I would surely be driven insane if I never followed the story to the end! ;) it's an exceptional piece, already...you should definitely continue!

[Vile]

Well of coure I INTEND to finish, however sometimes it doesnt always work out that way lol. But yes, I hope to finishit. :D I love writing it, I really like the character Sam, he's fun to write about so I do intendon finish of course.

[G.A. Collins]

That's good to hear! After I'm finished catching up, I'll be recommending your work to others - it's far to riveting to go amiss, eh? ;)

[Vile]

Hahaha Im glad you think so, you're too kind. I appreciate that alot. :D Thank you.

[G.A. Collins]

You're welcome, I'm glad to be of assistance to good people, such as yourself. :)

[Vile]

You're a doll. :D

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱ That's a green light then, gimme a sec will ya ...

Stools and carts bombarded [the the] walkways. (repeated)
spoke out against the King was slaughtered in the most ungodly [manor/manner]. (homophone)
who snatched the farmer from his feet [and and] trailed him mercilessly (repeated)

Cannot see any other spelling or grammar issues.

Connah is pretty close to Conan, is he a Barbarian ? :)

I might want to point out additionally that unless the guards are really not bright, they would not take the tools from the working class as ultimately this will count against them and they will have less profit in future yields.

The wise and snooty Scribe would definitely see the tools returned to Esbern so more wealth could be amassed from the underprivileged - unless he is a total idiot and does not see the endgame.

It makes for a sad story granted, but it's just not very logical the way an empire of oppression would be maintained.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

An interesting fantasy tale indeed. You are setting the scene well and have begun to fill in details which have a very medieval feel. Unfortunately I am committed to reviewing two books right now and will struggle to keep up with more at present. By all means sent me poetry. I did begin your other one and I liked the build up of the characters.

[Kleio13]

I find it very descriptive, more than what i can ssy about prose in general anyway.
Also philisophical, though nothing should ever be measured, yet history repeats itself

[RainDancer1997]

I like the name it is very different:) Also you might want to put in some indentions:) Maybe some spacing between paragraphs to make it flow better and junk:) I think it's a great beginning none the less:)!

[G.A. Collins]

Thank you! I hadn't actually realised how difficult the paragraph structures make it to read...I'll sort that out now! Thank you again for reviewing! :)

[RainDancer1997]

Sounds good:)