A Nameless Child

One evening, as the summer's air floated around the streets of Port Fallon, the merchant arrived home from a distant voyage to Silent Island to trade with the Sisterhood. As he bolted the oak door and threw his thick cloak into the chair, a young girl suddenly appeared from the garden.
"Father, you're back!" She cried, rushing to his side to kiss his hand.
"Aye, Eryean. I'm home." He hushed contently, brushing her golden hair from her face. The girl pulled a stool to her father's side as he drooped into his seat, fidgeting and fumbling around with excitement.
"Please, father, tell me of your travels!" She clustered in against the side of his chair, gazing wondrously into her fathers weathered face.
"Oh, Eryean, there is so much to tell! I boarded the rowboat, which took me across to Silent Island, where I was greeted by a bizarre hooded man. At first, I was slightly alarmed, but as I neared, I felt completely safe. The most bewildering feeling!" He threw his hands in the air in amazement. "Completely safe, even though I was hovering over deep dark waters, on an isolated isle, before a mysterious hooded man...I tell you, Eryean...that is the presence of the Gods." She gasped in awe of his tale. The merchant had many stories and folk tales of the Gods, and the holy places, and the feelings and visions and scents and sights he had encountered when he knew he was in the presence of a holy blood. Although he was insistent of telling such tales again and again, Eryean never grew tired of hearing them. The very thought of the Gods chilled Eryean to the bone, illuminating her senses and driving her curiosity mad!
"Father, I do wish I could have joined you! I have always wished to see the island for myself...I have heard so many tales, of the sacred springs, and the holy sanctum of the-"
"I shan't be staying long, my dear." He interrupted unintentionally. "I have been called to Mytannor Thursday evening, so I must leave at dawn to make good time." He sighed, rising from his nook to fetch a beverage.
"I suggest you head into Arcuston tomorrow; I hear there's a festival of some description."
"Aye, father! Elyiildyn's birthday celebration! I would be more than delighted to-"
"Good. I shall leave a purse of coins in the drawer. It may not be much, but it'll fetch enough for a flagon of ale and a supper, my dear. As for the following day...well, you must come home. Everything you need is here, including protection, hm? You know where my dagger is, aye?" She nodded absentmindedly. "Good. Let's pray to the Gods you wont need to use it." He threw himself back into his chair with a huff. He began to crack his joints, before realising that Eryean was still sitting alert by his side.
"Eryean, dear. Why are you still here? You must go to sleep, or else you will have no fight for the festival! Go, my love. I will be here when you wake." She dropped a kiss on his forehead, and in the blink of an eye, she had whisked upstairs to her bed.
When she woke to the fresh morning air, she found herself entirely alone.

Reviews

[RobbieT]

In the first paragraph you need a apostrophe in "summers" to make it "summer's" You also need to change "drooped" to "dropped" I also think you might want to revise the last sentence of the first paragraph to something like "As he bolted the oak door and dropped his thick cloak into his chair a young girl suddenly appeared from the garden." As I was reading I also noticed that you said "the young girl" but it should be "a young girl" because the girl hasn't made a prior appearance.

You're missing another apostrophe in the seventh line. It should read "father's" instead of "fathers"

I really liked the story. I would have enjoyed seeing you elaborate on the father's adventures and what he was doing exactly. Keep up the good work!

[G.A. Collins]

Gee, thank you for pointing all those out...I hadn't actually proof read this, so you've done me a favour, thank you! As for the last part, thank you again! I do hope to expand on this story pretty soon...I'm just currently working on many, many others! (None of which have been uploaded yet)

In fact, I'm soon to be posting a list of plot-lines that people would prefer to read; I'd be ever so grateful if you could take a peek and perhaps get back to me on which stories have the most potential?

[RobbieT]

I'd be more than happy to make a suggestion!

[Mazie]

I very much like this :) Good writing!

The only things that I can think of for critiquing purposes would be give some physical descriptions of your characters, and possibly work on the last line a bit. There was something about it that happened to fast for me....like a needed one line before it of foreshadowing. All in all I enjoyed this chapter and hope you post more :)