- Character Introduction -

Introduction to a character (Incomplete)

Chapter 1-

The warm summers air whisked throughout the courtyard, sending the olive trees into their merry dance as the tiring sun melted against the horizon, decorating the white marble columns which supported the grande palace with its rich shades of red and gold. The faint cry of laughter sauntered through the breeze, and with the retiring children, the night began to fall.

"There you are."
He was an all around fair man, in manner and appearance. His skin was soft yet tough, his hands bulked yet gentle. His emerald eyes were piercing yet soothing, and his tired brown locks curled with such delicacy, they could have belonged to that of an innocent child. All about him was desirable, from his charm to his power, and there was the perfect combination of gentle passion and stoney authority which made him irresistible to all women who had seen him. He was a celebrity in the city, which came as no shock, seeing as he was the heir to the throne of Carastielle. All women swooned to his stride, yet none were so luck as to have ever had a chance. No, sadly- for them- he was taken. Committed by marriage to another; a young merchants daughter, born from the streets of Charlbah, whom he had loved all his life. It was I who had known him since we were mere children, who had been undoubtably devoted to him since before I could remember, and I who had been in the fortune of becoming his wife, as it was I who loved him for him, not his fortune.

Author's Note

This is no where near finished...and it's a slab of the centre of a chapter...so it's a little incoherent!

Reviews

[Dan Fite, Jr.]

You say it's unfinished and it sounds like this is your rough draft. That explains a lot. As always, the detail and description in your writing is great! Since this is only a rough draft, I can't really think of anything that is overly negative that you probably won't notice and fix later. I think the story could be really good and you should for sure keep working on it! I would read it!

Like the other guy who has reviewed this, I'm also curious how a prince and a commoner come to meet and become friends? I think there is a ton of potential to make an interesting relationship with that? Maybe the prince was a street boy who was found out to be a secret son of the king? I don't know how that would come, but maybe through the king cheating on his queen and then having him die and tell someone that it was his regret to have his son living in the streets? Perhaps while he lived in the streets he befriends this girl, and tries as hard as he can to stay in touch? I don't know, there is a lot of potential for an interesting story.

Keep up the good work!

[Vouren]

For what you currently have posted it seems that it may be an interesting read. I'm curious how a prince would be allowed to become betrothed to a commoner so that has me drawn in.
I will say that you have begun adding good details into the writing, that makes reading more enjoyable.