Lonesome Lover

A love sonnet (nearly) from the perspective of a lonesome lover; a soldier who dreams of his love at home, yet never returns? A person who speaks of an eternal love in his immortal state? Who knows...

I waited a hundred years for you.
I'll wait a hundred more;
For nothing could deter me,
From longing to be yours.
And in the colder nights,
I would think of your warm touch,
And in my mind, I'd be with you,
And that would be enough.
If I could have one more moment,
One more chance at being yours,
Well, then I'd trade a lifetime;

For in that moment,
I'd feel more alive
than I ever have before.

Author's Note

This has just been chucked together, so that's why it's a little odd...but please, critique away! I really need some feedback, so whatever you wanna' say, please do! :)

Reviews

[areawakening]

I enjoyed this rather much. It captures a very romantic, and also a very despairing, meaning of love. The idea that you would wait forever for your one true love, but that waiting might still not be enough. How romantic for someone to have waited one hundred years, and be willing to wait a hundred years more, just for the chance to be with the one they love. Yet also the possibility that their hundreds of years of waiting might be for naught, that they may never feel alive for the misfortune of never being with their soulmate. Lovely words, and magnificent thoughts!

[Hannah E. M.]

This is very touching and really displays the deep emotions involved in not being able to be with the one you love. For something you just threw together it tells a great story.

[zainul]

I can feel your emotion for the lover.
The hundred years idea might be figurative,yet very powerful.
I understand you are a Shakespeare fanatic.
Have you followed the structure of sonnet like the pieces of Shakespeare?
Could you please present the rhyming pattern with octette and sestet sections?
Thanks for the great efforts.

[Wolfwind]

You have created a beautiful feeling and sentiment within the weave of your words here. Be it inspired by that long past love, or a great distance and strong resonance of heart, it captures the essence in a way that very deep and passionate.
While I believe it to have had a strong and vibrant flow, not really needing to be altered in any way... I think I might be tempted to make a suggestion.
Perhaps finding a way to start the 5th, 7th and 8th lines without using the word "And..." For me it's always detracted from the power of the line itself, even if it may be gramatically correct.

Overall, very well thought out, with wonderful feeling!

Aaron - Wolfwind

[G.A. Collins]

Thank you for such a lovely review! I completely understand the "and" situation...I hadn't noticed it before, but it's rather annoying to read now you've pointed it out! I'm a little stuck on how to alter it though, so I'm going to come back to it later :)

[Sami Khalil]

A very sweet romance poem...Thank you for sharing...:)

[G.A. Collins]

And thank you for you lovely review! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Rahul]

I'm feeling very shy now... thanks for this write, i'm glad your thought of me... :) lol don't worry, i'll always give you chance to be mine... lol HAHAH *kidding*

This write's awesome, i was planning to read your books but i'll read after get some sleep...lol so i planned to read this short one and it's an awesome write.... you've a great talent... you such a writers always keeps me in touch of this site indeed... that's why i always come in this site to read such a nice pieces.. you wrote it right from the bottom of your heart to the tee.... well penned write. I liked and loved your flow. You're a grreat write.. now don't say you're a professional writer...hahahah :)

Keep writing, now you deserved this 100/100 :)

[Karen]

I like the romantic notions in this poem, the idea that a hundred years of waiting is not enough so a hundred more would be worth it is a notion that is beautiful though idealistic at best. It reminds me of those lovers who only have a short amount to live; though short and timed, these days become special moments that will indeed last a lifetime for the survivor. I may be reading too much into it, but it's a beautiful poem. Thank you for writing and sharing it with us!

[G.A. Collins]

You're not reading too far into it at all; you can never dig deep enough into literature! I'm so pleased you like it, it means a lot to me! In fact, some of your interpretations are actually new to me, so I'm glad to see an interpretation that is both different and refreshing- not just the first thing that's apparent through the words of the poem! Thank you for reading, and even more so for reviewing...it's a great help for me!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I like it it flows well mostly as a sonnet but the end needs to be reworked such as :
'For in that moment,
I'd feel more alive
than I ever have before.'

[G.A. Collins]

Thank you, I was going to alert the ending, it just doesn't sit right! Your solution is perfect, thank you!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are welcome Gemma