Chasing Shadows : The Night Veil - Chapter I

Fantasy action/adventure, following the path of a dark, conflicted hunter, Christian Rivers.

Chapter I : The Beasts In The Night


I threw myself against the ledge of the roots, thrashing my sight over into the clearing; empty, though my heart refused to settle. There was a loom of suspense hanging over me, as though eyes were watching, and hands were out reaching. My blood began to curdle, my muscles contracted, and my breath shortened to erratic bursts as I huddled in against the shelter of the roots. Weapon, I needed a weapon. I slowly slid my fingers down to my waist, where my band of * sat uncomfortably,,pressing into my hip against the tree. I wriggled my hands around my firearm, dragging it out by its metal grip. As I held it upright, checking the barrel for shells, I was appalled by how much my hands were shaking. In the chamber lay one charge. One charge was not enough. Sure, the surge of dragonfire was powerful to take out three men crowded together, but this was not such an easy target. Whatever was lurking out in the darkness, it was quick.

I shifted onto my stomach, gazing through the grate of roots. From here, I had the perfect view of the clearing, matched with the shelter of the tree. From here, I stood a chance.
A shrill screech pierced through the silence, echoing round the forest. It emerged from all angles, sending my senses into a fit of confusion. My heart began to pound against my chest, and the rushing of blood could be heard in my ears. I readjusted my grip round the gun, trying my best to calm the tremors, whilst swallowing the lump in my throat. Some crashing followed the shriek, as though something were battling through the thickets. Whatever it was, it was heading towards me. The noises ceased momentarily, replaced by an unbearable silence. My hands were clammy against the grip, as I repeatedly re-grasped the gun. I shortened my breaths, hoping to regain control of myself and - at all costs - avoid the cry which clawed at my throat.

A chattering drew from the silence, digging its eery clasp around my quaking spine. I took one final hold on my weapon, before thrusting myself into the exposure of the clearing, mussel aimed. Nothing was there. The chattering had vanished. I threw my sights around, checking every possible angle for a target. Nothing. My heart pounded faster, as the sense of vulnerability took hold. I hoisted myself round, confronted by a sudden figure only metres away.

I fired my charge instantly, sending a crash of blue flames into the darkness. The figure did not move, bar the void which now existed between its torso and it's feet. I stared in amazement and instantaneous fear as I realised the figure...was me. Just as the realisation hit, the figure dispersed into thin air. They had seen me, and were now mimicking me. And the worst part - I had wasted my final charge on a mere illusion. Before the moment passed, I threw my fire arm to the ground as I crashed into the cover of the thicket. I shot through the undergrowth, hoping that the darkness would veil me from the sights. I knew his was not the case, but it was the only hope left of surviving. I swerved through the maze of forestry, as the chattering rose behind. I continued to seer through the foliage, as the chattering faded into a mere whisper.

Suddenly, something lashed across my face, sending me hurtling to the ground. I picked myself up as soon as my limbs regained their grip on the ground, ignoring the wound which seeped red across my face. My legs were aching in agony, and eventually I came to a halt. I crumbled against a nearby trunk, wheezing for air. The chattering was still distant, and after running such a distance at such a pace, I felt I had left a big enough void between them and I to allow myself a rest. My whole body was numb and throbbing with every heartbeat. My breath grated through my lungs, leaving them feeling raw and tight. I felt as though I was not able to endure much more, though I had to. Or else I would not survive.

It was an achievement to survive this long. If other men were here as witnesses, they would have called it a miracle. They would have knighted me, and sung songs of my glorious struggle against the beasts in the night. Tough now, no one was here. My struggle would die as along with me, and together, we would remain unknown to the rest of the world
As these sorrowful thoughts crossed my mind, I felt my heart drop into a steady, secure pulse. The sweat that plastered to my skin dried up in the cold air, and my quivering limbs regained their strength. I had accepted my fate, or so I had presumed.

Up in the trees above me, something shifted. Before I could stop to recognise the claws gripping the branch, nor the small hue of blue eyes, I was already soaring through the forest, towards the faint beckon of dawn's light. I continued to run;not looking back, not slowing down, just running, thrashing, leaping into the morning sun, onto the track, into the village, before buckling beneath the pressure of my perseverance and drowning into the darkness which engulfed my conscience.

Author's Note

- This is a rough drafts, and there are bits missing, etc...
- It will be continued and sorted shortly, I'm just uploading it now to get it up.
- I'd love to know what people think of this; is the detail about Henry and Edwin an anti-climax? The action is to continue, but I think this could have caused it to fall dead...

I have just altered this opening chapter, and will be reporting the orgigional copy later on. Please comment on your opinions and preferences!

Reviews

[Samuel Jack]

I really enjoyed this, when you said it was rough draft I went in tentatively, but it's well written and easy to read.

Careful with the old first person though, it's a tricky one. It can get a bit restrictive as your world expands. But by all means go for it. I don't think this chapter would have been as intense in third person.

Keep up the good words.

[Steve]

Yes for the question on your note.

I am not at all fluent in English and by the fact it is not complete piece, and some bits are missing, etc... as you've pointed out, so I guess we might as well put off the grammar review for our own sake.

The piece walks a dangerously thin line between a third person view and the first person view. As you might have noticed, every person carries their own vocabulary, so they are mostly limited, judgmental and would not appeared to be well thought out before put in to words. So technically, it is a scenery view to reflect a person inner view, and not a picture of a fine artist.

So I believe it is only fair to say the piece is a great piece of art but lacks in depth and emotion.