A WALK UNDER THE STARSA Story by Prime From a boy's point of view, he struggles with his weird painful love for his best friend. ~Another product of my psychological torture. I hope you'll understand me after reading this. Hehe :) “Hold my hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…”
The cloudless evening sky is filled
with dazzling stars " blinking, and very wonderful to look at. I glance at Dew
beside me; I can see through her brown eyes the perfect view of the sky just
like a mirror reflecting whatever it sees. She loves the starry, evening sky so
much, that up until now, there is still that sweet amazement of the stars and
other heavenly bodies within her. My hand makes its way to hers, and
when I feel her warmth, she stares at me and says, “Jon, I want you to hold my
hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…” My heart then beats faster than it
had ever beaten, that I am speechless. It’s bizarre, when the moment my fingers
lock with hers comes and I start to hate the idea of letting go, ever. We then start to walk towards an unseen
path ahead, the starry sky and the moon as the witness of this wonderful moment
as if we’re the only persons who exist. Of course, we’re alone. What catches our attention is the
shooting star that passes on a streak of light across the sky. I then feel that
her hand lets go of mine, and she clasps both of his hands before her chest. “May this moment live in forever, in
our minds, and in our hearts.” I hear her whisper in the wind, and I see a tear
falling from her eye. I wonder why. “What’s wrong, Dew?” I ask in a soft
tone. “Do you really love me?” She asks. And
I wonder why. “Well, I do. You know, right?” I say. “Then prove it.” She says and another
tear fell from her eye. “Prove it right now.” I don’t know what to do, so I was
silenced, and once again, I felt my extraordinary heartbeat. And one thing
comes to my mind. The sweetest thing she has always dreamt of… I gently hold and wipe the tears off
her face with both my hands, close her eyelids using my thumbs, and also close
mine. I put my face near hers, and slowly, carefully, I felt her breathe, I
felt her nose against mine, and my lips will find hers in no time…
SOMEONE SPECIAL
My name is Jonathan Blister, call me
Jon for short. Look, reader. If you think this is just a waste of your time
then stop reading from this point, okay? Let me start this walk my way, under my
very own perspective, okay? Let me describe myself to you for a
good start. I have blue eyes and golden blonde hair, and I am blessed in terms
of height, not cursed. Well, there is that best friend of
mine " well, we have been best friends since first year, until now that we’re
almost graduating from high school. And her name is Dewtrey Mische. She has
dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She has pale skin. She is just as high as
normal girls of her age, sixteen. Let me tell you that I’m nine months older
than her, anyway. We started as normal friends in
elementary, and we’re even like strangers that time " just talking whenever
needed and just have good conversations whenever there is a coincidence. And
came our freshmen year, when we shared common interests and settled great
differences between both of us. We then started to make memories upon that
realization, be there for each other, and never leave each one’s side. And I
didn’t know, I started to open my heart for her since that time. Right now, we have a really great
problem. Well, I haven’t realized until third year high that I love her. Well,
I thought I took her feelings for granted, because since elementary, her older
sister, Sabrina would always tease us " how much Dew likes me and finds me
attractive. Well, I used to ignore and laugh with that because I really thought
it was just a joke. Here’s the thing, I didn’t know why I
was being overprotective towards her since last year. I don’t want her to be
engaged with naughty boys and strangers, until comes a time that she told me
she had a crush on our classmate, Rico who looks nerdy yet hunky and has a good
sense of fashion. She chose to be with him always, and I
really hated that idea so much. One time, when I’ve had too much from just
watching them happy together, I just walked out, and stayed in my room for the
rest of the day and thought about her, which made me realize it like a slap on my face. I was already in love with her. Days passed and I kept on observing
how things were going on between us, and confirmed my realization when I cried
one time because of too much jealousy and feeling of being left-out. But on the
process, it was hard trying to communicate with her, especially that time I
just realized what she really meant to me. Most of the time, I was avoiding her
" I couldn’t bear eye-contact with her, I couldn’t talk to her the same way
openly before, my communication towards her became negatively affected. And
with that, she kept on pursuing Rico, maybe she felt the difference. I thought
to myself, the old us is never coming
back. We’ll never be the same as we were before. One time, when we were left in our
classroom " well, I forgot how it happened that we were both left in the
classroom, only the two of us. “Is something wrong between us?” She
asked me. “It seems like you are avoiding me lately. I can feel it, you know.” Well, I was speechless upon hearing
that. And my heartbeat went wild. Like s**t, it hits me somewhere. I felt heave
in my chest and the moist in my eyes. “N " Nothing… This is nothing, Dew.” “You’re hiding something from me,
aren’t you?” She asked. “Come on, Jon. Spit it out. I’m your best friend, you
can tell me anything.” And hearing that term hits me… Best
friend, I’m just her mere best friend. “Nevermind. Whatever this is, this
will pass overtime anyway.” I just said. And she just responded, “okay,” which
sounded sad. But feelings are feelings. I couldn’t
stop myself. Despite my condition, I grabbed her and hugged her tight as ever
which may have confused her. But still, I felt her arms hugging me back from
behind. I hugged her long enough, until I felt tears falling from my eyes to
her cloth that I had to let go. “I’m sorry.” I said, wiping the trail
of my tears off, and I threw a glance at her eyes that spoke of confusion
before I walked away. The next day came, and another, and
then another, and that something wrong between us became obvious " as we
stopped talking and we would keep distances from each other " that some of
those who knew us started to ask me, “What’s wrong?” Well, I didn’t know if
some asked her, too. What I do? Change topic in a passive
way, and just let silence cover the exposed.
One time, when we were on a bus
towards somewhere, it happened that we became seatmates. She must’ve purposely
done it. And on the midst of the trip, she started talking. “You know, something’s really wrong
between us, Jon.” She said. “Nothing, I think.” I said quickly.
“It just maybe happened that changes are in the way.” “Changes… Sometimes, you just have to
go with them to avoid further trouble.” I continued, and I knew that there was
an edge in my speech. I’m referring that I must just let her go, let her be
happy with Rico rather than force myself in her company if what she needed is not
me but another. She may have been hit by my point that
she was silenced for a while. I was just holding back the tears from my eyes,
and I leaned my head on the glass of the bus window. Judging from how I saw
things in my peripheral vision, I could tell that she stared at me long enough
that time, before speaking, which greatly shocked me, “You know, Jonathan? For
me you are someone special " very special. I don’t know how worse my life could
get if I completely lose you.” I closed my eyes, still trying to hold
back tears, as I felt heave in my chest again, and I replied afterwards, “Thank
you. Me, too.” I hope she gets what I meant. She then gave my hand a squeeze before
leaving my side and transferring to another seat. I don’t know why, but my
tears just fell on their own and I bit my lip. Someone
special " very special… What a word. I wonder why hearing it broke my
heart.
Third year high ended with a great
change. Because Dew and I never talked after that bus ride unless necessary and
it seemed to be so formal whenever we happen to. We enter our last year high like how
third year high ended, too. Just silence, ignorance and avoiding-techniques
between each other. And those who used to ask me since third year had already
stopped; maybe they thought that our friendship ended that time when we started
our drift-away. But one Saturday afternoon, around
October, she came across me carrying my grocery bags from the supermarket and me,
being as ignorant as ever, it just ended up breaking both our hearts. “Hi, Jon.” She greeted me. I was
pinned on the ground, terrified. Ignorant and seemingly heartless, I
asked her. “Oh, what brings you here?” “You.” She said and I think she forced
a smile. “I missed you, you know?” “Oh. I’m here. Maybe you won’t miss me
much if you see me long enough.” I coldly answered. I saw her blink her eyes
and look at other ways around, ruining her forced smile, and my weak heart gave
in that view that my eyes flashed the look of worry and my love for her as if
grew back instantaneously that I felt the heave in my chest of treating her
coldly and I felt like crying. “Jon, don’t be like that…” she went
on, and I think she forced her soft laughter. “Here, let me help you.” She took a grocery bag, but I quickly
pulled it off her touch and her hand twitched upon my cold reaction. “No, I can
handle this. Thank you, anyway.” I said with a smirk and I walked past her
towards the taxi already waiting for me. I rode it, and it’s as if I’m not
looking at her direction, but time to time I flash her glances, holding back my
tears. My conscience slowly kills me. The taxi turned its engine on, and I
looked at her through the tainted window. She was there, walking slowly and
alone on the foot-walk, towards somewhere I didn’t know and didn’t even cared
to know, head down on the ground. My tears finally fell just by looking
at her. I’m
sorry, Dew, but I’d rather be hurt this way than to feel the pain for the rest
of my life because of being madly in love with you. When I reached home, I dropped the
grocery bags on the doorstep; I went to my room and cried for the rest of the
night. In the night, I couldn’t just stop thinking about Dew and what I did to
her. I then made the decision, that I would tell her the next time we meet in
school.
Monday came and I was well-prepared to
tell her everything, so that it would have at least a truthful and good ending. But I was wrong. I must’ve stopped all
my preparations. It was all ruined by just one view of her and Rico on the
corner of the room talking happily to each other. That laughter that used to
bring warmth to my heart now brings pain to my heart instead, that face of
great happiness that only I used to make her do. And what greatly breaks my heart is
the view of her leaning on Rico’s shoulder when she found the chance. Plan
sabotaged.
In the afternoon, I had the chance to
know Rico better as a person. Rico, that nerdy yet hunky guy in the classroom,
which has that black hair and smart cat-grey eyes that he hides behind his
weird nerdy glasses. He is currently working on our assignment in Physics. “Hey.” I poke him coldly. “Hey, Jonathan…” He pokes back with a
smile. “Dew’s been quite lonely for a lot lately.” “Yeah, do you mind if she keeps with
your company?” I ask, eyes in question. “Oh, no I don’t. In fact, I even like
being with her. I enjoy being with her. Dew’s such a nice girl.” He says, and
this time, hearing the syllable of her name seems to break my heart. Plus, the
way Rico speaks is like he is serious with being friends with Dewtrey and there
is a greater chance that he likes Dew too the way she does like him. And it
breaks my heart. “Anyway, I observed that you were
quiet distant from each other since last year. You used to be very close since
first year.” He says. “Just what happened between you? What’s wrong?” “It just happened that changes occur.”
I simply answer and my heart is pounding. “Too bad. She must be missing you so
much lately.” He says. “Well, may I just tell you this, Jonathan… sometimes,
when you miss a person too much, they become lost forever.” And I take that as a warning. “Yeah.” I say, and there is a while of
silence as he is busy with the solving. “Do you mind if I ask you to take care
of her while I’m still ‘gone’ anyway?” “What are you saying?” He says, his
pen also stop in motion. And this is it. I feel the
extraordinary beat of my heart starting. “I mean, is there a chance that you
will love her the way someone out there does?” And he stops writing and stares at me.
My heartbeat goes crazier for his answer. “It’s not impossible, is it?” He
asks, and I feel bad. S**t. I have lesser chances with Dew now. He then lets out a sly grin. “Anyway,
why are you asking me these things, Jonathan? You are that someone out there,
aren’t you? You love her, don’t you?” “I… I don’t know.” I answer. “You must know.” He says, stands up
which means he’s done with the assignment, and walks out of the door. “See ya!”
He salutes, and I just move my eyebrows up and down as an answer.
Night comes, and I spend it here on
the beach, under the starry sky and the moon above looking at me. I am thinking
about me, Rico and Dew again. Is
there a chance that you will love her the way someone out there does? It’s not impossible, is it? That conversation I have with Rico bothers
me a lot. It gives me puzzles on my mind. It makes me think about how much I
love Dew and how much I’ve already lost of her. I stare at the sky long enough, and
when a shooting star catches my eye, I close my eyes and whisper to the wind; please give me a chance… “Hey, Jon.” Someone calls me, and that
voice seems familiar! I open my eyes, and the first thing I
see is the beautiful face of Dewtrey Mische. “It’s nice to see you here!” She says.
“What a coincidence.” Then something felt heavy in my chest
that I feel like crying and I immediately pull her and hug her just as tight
yet as comforting as I could do. “Jon…” she gasps. “I’m sorry, Dew.” I say, still hugging
her. “Please forgive me.” “For what? Whatever that is, it’s
already forgiven and forgotten, Jon.” She says, and I feel my tears rushing
from my eyes to hers. I tighten my hug, “I’m your best friend, I just can’t
hate you, you know? I even love you even if you keep on ignoring me.” “I’m sorry, Dew. I’m sorry.” I say,
crying. “I’m sorry for treating you coldheartedly and as if I don’t care about
you. You don’t know how much you matter to me.” “Ssssssh…” She gently says and soothes
my back, and when I just won’t stop crying, she pulls me off, and I still close
my eyes, because I just don’t want her to see how bad I look like when I cry,
and it’s surprising when she starts to kiss my forehead, then my nose, until
she kisses my tears goodbye that I stopped. “Ssssssh…” she hushes again. “Don’t cry in front of me. Don’t break
me, will you?” she says, and I fall silent. “You are someone special " very
special to me. So your pain, is my pain, okay?” I nod, even if I don’t seem to quite
get what she means. “Now, tell me what you want to
express…” she says softly which gives me the hint that she’s almost crying as
well. And it comes to me. It’s now or never. “I’m sorry, Dew. I’m sorry for being
such a bad friend to you.” I say, and before pain would block my speech, I spit
it out. “I’m sorry; I fell in love with you.” And she is shocked. I can see it
through her brown eyes. “I " It’s okay. It’s not wrong, okay?”
She says, trembling, then she takes my hand, locking my fingers with hers, and
I feel her warmest at my palm. “Everything will be alright.” “Is something going to change?” I ask. “No. We’ll help each other through.”
She says, and using her other hand, she wipes the tears off my face. “Don’t let
that tears ruin your innate beauty, Jon.” I just tighten my grip at her hand in
return, and I feel her holding on, as if she’d never let me go. My other hand
took the wrist of her hand wiping my tears off, and then we stared right into
each other’s eyes, looking at ourselves in one another, until I felt my crazy
heartbeat that I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I hug her tight again and she
hugs me back. Leaning on her shoulder, I watch the beautiful starry sky above.
How bizarre…
We regained our old relationship after
that night, but there are still awkward moments, particularly when it comes to
her and Rico. Anyway, every night we would see each
other on that beach, we would hold hands, fingers lock each other, and go for a
walk under the stars happily. On the way, while holding hands on a walk under
the stars, it’s like we’re trapped in a different world even if I keep swaying
our hands together to keep the upbeat of the mood. And always, it’s bizarre! I didn’t know love could be this sweet
if just looked through the positive way. I also realized my mistake in our
drift away, I let go of almost all opportunities I had to fix our relationship
before. That’s why love seemed so bitter for me. Luckily, one last opportunity
came along the way and led us to the wonderful side of love. But this is one-sided love. Only I do
love her, and because we’re best friends, it is just like normal to hold hands
the way we do, or maybe not? Either way, no one / nothing could define how much
it matters to me. Probably, she is already in love with Rico, and she just hides
it. I don’t know about her side, and I would like to know of that sooner.
One time, on a starry Friday night in
December… We are holding hands, fingers locked
by another’s fingers, having a walk under the stars. “You know, this was just a dream before.
I mean, I used to dream that in the future, my prince would be with me under a
starry sky, hold my hand the way I wanted to, and we’d always go for a walk
under the stars.” She says, and I just listen to her and hiding a lip smile. I
keep looking ahead, not letting go of her hand. “Hey, are you even listening to
me?!” “Yes, I’m sorry, I was just too busy
thinking about that dream of yours getting real with me.” I say. “But I am not
your prince, because I don’t know if you even love me.” “I said, you’re someone special…”
Weird… and silence takes over. She blabbers again after a while, “Do
you even know the sweetest part of my dream?” “What?” “That prince would kiss me after a
walk under the stars, with the stars and the moon as the witness.” She continues. “Where’d he kiss you then?” I ask her
in a soft voice. “Here,” and she points her lips using
her index finger. And I am tempted by those pinkish-pale lips that I stared at
it for a long while. And then I feel my crazy heartbeat again. “Mind if I make your dream come true
now?” I say. “It was just a dream anyway "” And she didn’t finish her sentence,
because I sealed her lips with mine. I’m sure, before our lips met; I saw her
eyes close as well. But later I pull over. “How was that?” I ask. “Our lips… touched.” She gasps which
sounds weird and offended. “Look, I’m sorry.” I explain. “I know
it was a stolen one, but…” “No,” she says, “You shouldn’t have
done that.” “Hey, Dew. I’m sorry.” I move closer
to hold her shoulders gently. “I am someone special, anyway, right?” “Yeah, you are someone special.” She
says. “But you still shouldn’t have done that.” Our linked hands lose the grip as she
gently pulls over, and walks away. “Hey, Dew. I’m sorry!” I say, and I
try to go after her, but she runs away faster that I lost track.
Monday comes, and I tried to talk to
her to school but she would just quickly end the conversation which feels
awkward and keeps herself in Rico’s company. So I had to stay away again,
because it hurts, again. There happens to be an on-the-spot
role-playing in our English subject, and she and Rico are group mates together
with four others, and I am in another group. They had a nice role-play, but
it’s heartbreaking to see her hugging Rico. Part of the script, but just look
at the way they hug, it’s like the way she hugs me tight. And the idea of her
being in love with Rico flashes in my mind. I feel bad. What am I to you,
really, Dew, a dummy to practice a hug with? Before she lets go, I see her open her
eyes and glance at me, but I immediately walk at the back of the room to avoid
further painful views.
Night comes again, and I wait at the
beach, but there are no signs of Dew anywhere. Dew and me becomes lesser than
strangers the next day and Dew is not anywhere in the beach at night as well.
Same old story for the succeeding days until a week before graduation comes "
the week that her absences are more frequent. And it has been as hard as hell
for me trying to build myself up again and again as just simple things that she
does would tear me down to pieces again. One day, Rico tells me that Dew is “severely
sick” and that it is my chance to reconcile with her, because it has been too
long since we’ve lost our relationship, again. I thank him, and at night, I visit Dew
in her house. She is alone when I arrived. And I don’t see any signs of severe
sickness or even simple sickness as she is even the one who opened the door for
me. She looks normal. Paleness, she has always been pale. Her brown eye color,
she has always been brown-eyed. Her dark brown hair, she has always been a
brunette. “Hey, Dew.” I speak when I set foot. “Oh, what brings you here?” She says
in a gentle voice but it sounds mean. I remember myself saying the same line
before, at the supermarket. “You.” I say, biting my lip. “Rico
told me you were sick, I thought that’s why you were absent for the whole
week.” “Is that all?” She asks again, but I
see the pain in her eyes. Something’s wrong. “No.” I say, biting my lip again. “Then what?” She asks again. She
really sounds mean and I already hate this! “I missed you… so much.” I say, and I
can see the shock and pain through her eyes. “Anyway, I brought here some
slices of cheese cake. I baked these especially for you.” “Oh, you should’ve not bothered
yourself. Why anyway?” I answer, but this time, holding back
tears. “Because you’re someone special " very special…” and I look down as a
tear falls. “Get inside,” she says, and I go
directly towards the kitchen. I placed the Tupperware containing the cheesecake
in the refrigerator. “And if you have no more concerns, you
can go home.” She coldly implies, and my tears fall again. Just what is
happening? Is that how destructive my kiss was? It already gets to my nerves, and even
though it hurts, I stand up and keep my gentlest voice as possible. “Are you
sure we’re just going to end up this way? Graduation is coming; we may not be
able to see each other again for maybe a long time! Aren’t we at least going to
fix whatever faults we have made before? Or is the kiss really that
destructive?” She is silenced for a while, and tears
already fill my face, I didn’t notice. “You’re giving me a headache. Go
home.” She says coldly, trying to make a still face. I stare at her through her eyes, and
it happened that her eyes quickly shifted ways. “Any last words?” I ask; it’s
as if I’m pleading for another chance. “T " Take care always.” She gasps, and
seeing her face as still as how she kept it, I decide to go home. But before I
go out the doorstep, I wipe my face clear, and I hear her call out to me. “How about you? Any last words?” “You’re someone special " very
special.” I say, and when I start to cry again, “and I love you.” Then I move outside, and when she
slams the door shut, I run back and lean my back against the door to weep. I
hear her sobs inside, and I silently weep outside, too. Later onwards, when I
heard nothing left, I look at the window of her room and see her from the door
going to and crying hardly on her bed, covering herself with a blanket all
over. Seeing her like that makes me cry as well. Why is love this hard and
weird? There really is something wrong. I sit on the staircase towards their
main door, so I could guard her even just from outside, and I forgot about time
that I drifted off to sleep.
I wake up in the evening, and I look
through her window to check on her, she is now out of the blanket, but still
face-on on the pillow lying in a reversed manner. She’s asleep. I twist the knob of their main
door, and find that it wasn’t locked anyway. I go inside, and I headed to her
room. I pick up the blanket and waved it in case there are dusts already, and
then I coated it over from her feet to her neck. I stared for a little while at her
angelic face while she’s still sleeping, and I move some of her bangs off her
face, then plant her a gentle kiss on her forehead, next into the nose, and
finally on both her eyes. And before I finally leave, I whisper on her ears, “I
love you. I always will.” And then off I go.
The Graduation ended well, with Dew
around, but still, we’re not yet talking. It’s a great pain in the chest,
especially when I see her and Rico hugging from a distance again. And again, I
see her throwing me a glance when they hugged. Weird… After the ceremony, Rico told me to go
to the beach at eight in the evening, and said that Dew has something very
important to say. And of course, I am more than willing to come!
Eight in the evening comes and I’m
already here in the beach. Well, I simply clothed myself for a comfortable
outfit. I see Dew from a distance coming
towards me with a smile. A weak smile… “Dew!” I shout her name and run at
her, and when I do, she hugs me first, so I had to hug her back. And I felt her
warmth once again which I missed so much. “This night. I want us to forget about
all the bad things that happened in the past, okay?” “Sure.” I say, and my tears just fall
of joy.
The cloudless evening sky is filled
with dazzling stars " blinking, and very wonderful to look at. I glance at Dew
beside me; I can see through her brown eyes the perfect view of the sky just
like a mirror reflecting whatever it sees. She loves the starry, evening sky so
much, that up until now, there is still that sweet amazement of the stars and
other heavenly bodies within her. My hand makes its way to hers, and
when I feel her warmth, she stares at me and says, “Jon, I want you to hold my
hand, lock my fingers with yours, and let’s go for a walk under the stars…” My heart then beats faster than it
had ever beaten, that I am speechless. It’s bizarre, when the moment my fingers
lock with hers comes and I start to hate the idea of letting go, ever. We then start to walk towards an
unseen path ahead, the starry sky and the moon as the witness of this wonderful
moment as if we’re the only persons who exist. Of course, we’re alone. What catches our attention is the
shooting star that passes on a streak of light across the sky. I then feel that
her hand lets go of mine, and she clasps both of his hands before her chest. “May this moment live in forever, in
our minds, and in our hearts.” I hear her whisper in the wind, and I see a tear
falling from her eye. I wonder why. “What’s wrong, Dew?” I ask in a soft
tone. “Do you really love me?” She asks. And
I wonder why. “Well, I do. You know, right?” I say. “Then prove it.” She says and another
tear fell from her eye. “Prove it right now.” I don’t know what to do, so I was
silenced, and once again, I felt my extraordinary heartbeat. And one thing
comes to my mind. The sweetest thing she has always dreamt of… I gently hold and wipe the tears off
her face with both my hands, close her eyelids using my thumbs, and also close
mine. I put my face near hers, and slowly, carefully, I felt her breathe, I
felt her nose against mine, and my lips will find hers in no time… And it did. Our lips met, the starry
sky and the moon as the witness, as she used to dream of. When we both pull over, she gasps,
“It’s such a nice kiss. I’ll never forget this.” And once again, we find ourselves
lost in each other’s arms.
It is then that midnight comes; we are
just staring with sweet amazement at the starry sky, our hands locking one
another, gently swaying. We are leaning at each other’s back, and it’s a long,
long while of silence before she speaks… “Here’s the thing,” she says and hands
a carefully folded paper to me. “Don’t open that now. Rather, open it tomorrow
morning. Promise me, will you?” And I nod, even if I don’t understand.
“I promise.” And we do that pinky promise by our
pinky fingers with our free hands. After another hell of a while, I ask
her. “Dew, do you love me?” “As I’ve said, you’re someone special
" very special.” She replies. “No, seriously…” I say. She is just
silent, so I insist, “silence means yes.” And she then stares right through my
eyes blankly. So I take that as a negative response. “I guess I can’t help it…” I gasp. I feel a little heave on my chest, but
it’s too soon to weep. Not again. But I am greatly bothered. If she doesn’t
love me, then why’d she let our kiss happen? That’s something not normal. I look at my watch on my wrist, and
it’s already eleven in the evening. “Umm, Dew. Isn’t this late already?” I
ask. “Yeah. I already want to go home.” And
before I could respond, “…yet I still want to spend more time with you tonight,
to the max. But I have to go now.” I feel the pain in the edge of her
voice. Something’s still not quite right. Still, it’s already near midnight.
And we should not go home late. “Let’s go, anyway.” I say, and then we
go for a walk under the stars, holding hands, locking tight. We are off towards
her home; I must make sure she goes home safe before my sake. When we are on the staircase to the
door, she still holds my hand, as if she is not going to let go yet, so I make
a joke. “Aren’t you gonna let go or what?” Then she faces me, and it’s obvious
that she’s holding back tears. “One more… one last hug, please?” She
says, like she’s pleading. Last. And I don’t say a word. I nod. And
that moment, she rushes onto me and locks me in her warmth around her arms.
Giving in to my heart whose beat is crazy, I close my eyes and lean onto her
shoulder and wrap my arms around her waist and back and then hug her back
tighter. We dance with the breeze, and I
feel the moist through my clothes and I hear her weep and sob, but I just let
her be. And it is the longest hug we’ve ever had. Or maybe it is just me who
felt that way? How bizarre, it’s like time stopped at the moment. Imagine two lovers hugging one another
tightly like it is their last under the stars. And when she lets go, she wipes the
tears off her face and faces me. “So, I guess it’s time for me to go.”
I say with a smile. “See ya!” And she responds weird, “Goodbye,
Jonathan Blister.” I also respond weird. “I love you,
Dewtrey Mische.” For a moment, we’re lost in each
other’s eyes, silent, and the race of my heartbeat grows faster, that when it
gets too much, I hold her face with both my hands, plant a kiss on her
forehead, whisper “I love you,” plant another kiss on her nose and whisper
another, “I love you,” and finally whisper, “I will always love you, forever
and more…” before planting one last kiss on her lips for long. When we both
pull over, I run all the way towards my house. On the way, tears just fall from
my eyes. Tears of joy, maybe? Weird…
Another day comes, and remembering
everything that happened last night makes me smile. When I rouse myself from bed, I
tiptoe until I can see through my window, and see a giant black butterfly with
white slashes on its wings. I immediately step back and feel the frantic race
of my heartbeat. Then I feel the pain in my chest and in my head, yet I don’t
know why. Something’s really wrong. They say black butterflies carry bad omens. Well, something seems to whisper on my
ear to pay Dew a visit on her house. When I get there, still in my pajamas,
it was then that everything seems so different. The wind blows in a somewhat
wrong manner. I knock on the door. There is no response.
I knock again. And still there is no response. I do a series of knocks and
calling Dew’s name this time, but still there is no response. I look through the window of her room;
well, all is in place, only she is not there. “Jonathan?” someone calls from behind
and I turn back to face him. “Rico, it’s you…” I say in relief. “Do
you know where Dew is?” “Oh, didn’t she tell you already?” He
asks with eyes in confusion. “What? Well, last night we…” I say,
trying to think back. “We just spent time with each other.” “Didn’t she give you anything?” He
asks in disbelief. And thinking back, I remembered… Don’t open that now. Rather, open it
tomorrow morning. Promise me, will you? “She gave me a folded paper, that’s
all.” I say. “Oh, you better read it now, Jon.” He
says. And it sounds like it’s something very delicate. Something very
important, that my feet get itchy with the ground. “Thank you, Rico. I’ll go anyway.” I
say. “See ya!” He salutes, but in his eyes, I see loneliness.
The moment I reach home, I look for
the pants I wore last night. I just hope it hasn’t joined the laundry yet. I
look for it in my bedroom, and there it is. I scan for the folded paper Dew
gave me in the pockets. And when I feel it in my palm, I draw it out and open
it.
Dear Jonathan,
I hope you really meant it when you
promised me that you’d only open this the morning after. Good if you have done
so. May I just tell you, that the moment you read this, I must be travelling,
or on the verge of death. First of all, I want to thank you for
being the best among all the best persons I’ve ever known and had in my whole
life. We may have misunderstandings at times but still we managed to make it
through up until the last moment. Thank you for being with me always, from the start.
Thank you for never leaving my side and always supporting me. And thank you for
the memories we’ve shared. I’d like to say sorry if I have hurt
you most, because of acting numb, because that is just my own way of helping
you get over me once ‘that’ time comes. Sorry for making you feel bad at most
times. And Sorry if I have been acting mean lately. Anyway, I want to tell you through
this letter, that I love you Jonathan, so much, more than I love anyone else,
with all my heart, but oftentimes I’d just say you’re someone special " very
special. About Rico? You took it as an issue
with the both of us, don’t you think? Because I just like him as he is someone
very nice and someone you can open up with. I enjoyed his company, I admit, but
it couldn’t be avoided. Actually, we are really talking about you at all. About
how will I keep my feelings hidden and how will I help you. I know you are my best friend, but
sometimes, not to hurt your best friend badly, you must not tell them some
things. I entrusted everything to Rico instead. He helps me a lot when we have
problems, especially when we started to have blurs in our relationship. And I’m
sure he helps you draw yourself to me, too. I’d like you to know, so you may at
least know the truth, that I have a very weak heart with a hole, that’s why
I’ve been trying to make you hate me lately, so in case I die, you wouldn’t be
that much hurt even if it means cursing me to death. Tomorrow, I am scheduled to undergo an
operation for a heart transplant. We all hope for the best of that. But due to
my special blood condition, that’s why I’ve been abnormally pale ever since,
the surgeon himself told me that I have the least chance of surviving, about
five percent. He never told my mother and my sister this, only him, you, me and
Rico knows, and I have no choice anyway. If I don’t undergo a heart transplant,
for around six months, I’d still die anyway, so I had to take risks. I’m not
being pessimistic, but I am looking ahead at things. I just don’t want to see
you from the other side, in case this operation fails, crying all over and over
for me because of love. I know how much I really mean to you, and I hope you
know how much you really mean to me as well. I don’t want you to be hurt so
bad. I don’t want to destroy you because of me. We started our drift-away since third
year, and that time, my doctor diagnosed me and found out about this already
severe condition of mine, so that’s why I purposely told you I liked Rico,
maybe at least, I could give you more time to find another one to love. Well,
since first year, I have always felt your love, Jon, so since third year, I
knew about it. I just had to confirm it. One time last year, you kissed me.
That was the first time we kissed. I’d tell you now that I didn’t avoid you
because I was offended. I acted like I was offended so you would conclude
wrongly, but actually, it was one of the most beautiful happenings in my little
life, as it is my dream. Anyway, that only means that in case I die, you will
surely suffer, because that kiss only means that your love for me had grown
greater, which is worse for you. Days after, I started to avoid and even hurt
you in small ways again, to make you hate me " that’s my real purpose. But I
failed. Rico told me, before graduation, that we must have to talk about things
and clarify such. He said it’s better to live in the bitter truth, than to live
under beautiful lies and falseness and then be surprised of how worse the truth
had become. Anyway, I’d like you to know, Jon,
that whenever I hug someone, I always imagine them to be you, that’s why
sometimes you catch me looking at you while feeling their warmth. And this night, I hope everything’s
settled between us. In case I wouldn’t be able to spit out what I wanted to say
to you, I prepared this letter so it wouldn’t be harder to explain. Again, I just wish for the best " for
the success of my operation, and for the best of everything. From now onwards, always take care of
yourself. I may not be able to anymore. Forget that you love me. But never
forget me and that you are someone special " very special. Always go for a walk under the stars,
whenever you feel lonely, and know that I’m just high above, watching over you,
guiding you as the least I can do. How I wish we could have another hug
and another kiss. Lastly, I want you to remember how
much you really mean to me " how much I love you, Jon.
-Dewtrey
Mische
I slowly sit down on my bed, more like
shocked, trying to absorb and understand everything that I have read. Is she
damn serious? So she has been in love with me all the while, too. She is not
the one who’s numb, after all; rather, it was me. My chest grows heavy, and my eyes
moisten. Eventually, my tears fall when I start to remember everything, from
the very start… When we were almost like strangers in
our elementary years, when we became the best of friends since first year, when
we shared more happy memories in our second year, when I became overprotective
of her out of love last year, when she blew the candles in her birthdays and
I’m with her, when she laughed with me, smiled with me, and became happy with
me… When we learned what ‘closure’ is, the
hug, the kiss, the linked hands, and our walks under the stars. And what
greatly breaks my heart is the line, “You’re
someone special " very special.” I look through my window, and see the
black butterfly flying from outside towards the window itself, and I sob hard,
all the while, her voice resonating all over and over again in my head… “You’re
someone special " very special.”
A WALK UNDER THE
STARS
I walk slowly, passing through stones,
lighting the way with the flashlight I brought with me, despite the darkness of
the night. I must be there whatever happens. This is Dew’s second death
anniversary. Yes, she died. She didn’t make it back alive. The operation
failed. Contented already? Every month since her death, as I’ve
been busy in college life, I always pay her grave a visit, and I do it
purposely at night. Sometimes, Rico goes with me to also pay her a visit. Once I reach there, I take my position
by sitting right in front of the tombstone where her name, Dewtrey Mische is beautifully engraved. I light two white thick
candles and put it between me and the gravestone. I then close my eyes and talk
to her in my mind. Hey
there, Dew. I wonder how you’re doing in the other side. Here where you left
me, it’s still the same, but the pain had some parts of it gone already. Time
really heals wounds, I believe. I wonder when is the time that I’ll be finally
able to let go and move on, but I hope that it is soon. Anyway, you won’t be forgotten. I’ll never forget you…
especially that dream of yours, and the words that you said to me, “You’re
someone special " very special.” It’s been two years already, don’t you think
it’s long enough? Lastly, I came back here to bring you
this letter you last left me. I’m done reading this all over and over again,
you know? It just makes the pain fresh. Maybe it’s not bad to return it back to
its owner. At least here, I could start to move on. For now, I won’t be long, Dew. I still
have lots to do. Watch over us and always take care there, anyways. How I wish
we could have a walk under the stars once again. I love you and I always will. The moment I open my eyes, tears just
fall from those, but I quickly wipe those off to avoid further emotional
trouble. Then I leave her last letter neatly folded and seemingly new, pinned
at both ends by the candles before her grave. I stand up, turn around and silently
move away, leaving the place. “It gets lonely again.” I whisper. And
the cool evening breeze blow hard. I look back at her grave. The candles lose
their flames, and the paper is taken by the wind away into the starry sky. I smile and I look above. The stars
are all over and it’s real bizarre! Then, as a tear runs from my eye, I
close my eyes, imagine her beside me, we are holding hands, fingers locking
each one, and we’re off for a walk under the stars. But reality is different from
imagination. When I open my eyes, I just smile. It’s a walk under the stars, again,
yet alone in reality. Then from nowhere I hear a whisper… “You’re
someone special " very special.” -FIN- © 2014 PrimeReviews
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