WORDS CAN'T TELLA Story by Prime Love is blind. It sees but it doesn't mind: Love is speechless. Can you love somebody who can't speak? This is the product of my psychological torture at August 05, 2013. Enjoy reading ! “Words
can’t tell how much you love a person… Words
can’t tell how much you really mean to me…”
Loving someone who cannot speak is not
as easy as you think. It is as hard as hell, but as sweet as sugar. Kris Daven for you, and loving Bree
Stanley proved that words can’t tell how
much you love a person, and how much that person means to you. And although
it was hard, it was never on my regrets. -
It all started years ago, in Bresse,
the bridge of the town… I was sitting alone on the edge,
watching the river below flow endlessly, under the moonlit starry sky. It was a dark night, maybe about past
ten in the evening, and it was not likely of me in my age, fourteen, to go
astray at near midnight. But it was no ordinary night. It was one of the worst
nights of my life. I just had my heartbreak with my
grandest obsession, Daniela Marie. She took me down. She had been my since
elementary and became my obsession when we reached our freshmen years until
that moment of my sophomore life. I simply asked her if I had any chance;
well, she knew about my unrequited love for her, and she simply stated that
there are many people in this world and only one is made for me, but that was
absolutely not her! Terrible, it’s so terrible to hear
those words of rejection coming from your loved one directly. No tears were flowing of my eyes,
which was better, because I used to believe that real boys don’t cry, even if
my eyes were almost giving in to the tension inside me. It was then that when I turned my head
sideways, I saw this girl who changed my life forever. She was sitting on the
opposite edge of the bridge, and I could tell that she was crying hardly on her
own arms. She must be having a hard time with her life as well. And the thought
of helping others as a good idea crossed my mind, so I stood up and made my way
towards her. I reached her, and I saw a sort-of
paper pads beside her. I asked her, “Miss, would you mind telling me what your
problem is?” But no response could be heard other
than her sobs and silent cry. I took a hanky of mine and offered it
to her, for a good start. “You
know, miss, you can use this…” I offered, and she stopped for a while, then
with her amber eyes, she stared right through my brown eyes. I resisted her
eyes, and slowly, hesitantly, she took my hanky and sobbed on it, harder. I really wanted to laugh at her that
time, but still, I managed to contain my emotions. Later onwards, I asked her. “What’s
your name, miss?” But still, there was no response. I
repeated my question, “Miss, what’s your name?” She took a paper pad beside her then
wrote something and then showed it to me. I admit, I was greatly amused at her
penmanship which was so opposite mine. If her penmanship was that of an
engineer, mine would be that of a BS Medical Technology undergraduate. BREE
STANLEY, that’s my name. Upon knowing that, I became more
interested with her, and I’d like to hear her voice… “Oh, nice meeting and knowing you,
Bree.” I said, offering my hand. “My name’s Kris Daven.” She didn’t take my hand, which was a
bit offending. Instead, she took another paper pad and wrote… Nice
meeting and knowing you, too, Kris Daven. And I was amused upon realizing that
she did know the exact spelling of my name in the first place. I
simply moved my hand off to avoid further embarrassment, then I interrogated
her again. “You are quite sad, Bree. Would you mind telling me about it?” She
took another pad and wrote again, then I started to wonder… Can
I trust you? I nodded my head in answer, and when
she started to write again, I was forced to ask her that maybe sounded harsh
and offending, “Can’t you speak, Bree?” She just blankly stared right through
my brown eyes once again, and I felt my heart skip a beat. She took a separate
pad and wrote… Please
understand me. “What? How? Why?” I asked, because I simply
didn’t understand. And she showed me a compilation of her
paper pads which was behind her other paper pads on top. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I
just simply took it, and flipped the first page which was blank. I read the
contents of second page.
I
am Bree Stanley, thirteen years old, and this is more like my diary. This
compilation is where I will write my experiences and all matters about my life.
I flipped the page and went to the
third one.
There
they go again. People I know by face or by name, and people I don’t know. I am
being drastically bullied! And I hate it! Don’t they just find anything to do
with their lives that they just see me as someone to be made fun of? Is that
really how things are supposed to be because I can’t speak?
End. So she was being bullied, but why
can’t she speak? I flipped the page and went to the fourth.
Every
day of my life I am suffering, I am being made fun of. My existence is being
taken for granted! Just when will all these bullies stop? I have
a problem with my throat, since I was a little child, and I don’t want to sound
terrible that’s why I don’t speak and just use these pads for communication.
Oh, so that’s why. I glanced at her.
She was looking down and the river, and that moment I knew about what she had
been going through, I saw the pain through her face. I flipped another page.
Nobody
understands me; most people think I’m crazy. Most people think I am mute. And
most people use my disability for leisure. I know it’s fun on the part of those
people, and maybe even to you. But for us who suffer, it is a great pain in the
chest. We are
also humans, just like everyone. We have feelings. I think it’s okay if it is
just until emotional and physical torture. But this suffering of mine goes to
the psychological level.
Another
page was flipped.
Every night I can’t sleep, afraid
that I might dream about what they have been doing to me. From the unbearable
teases, to the feel of stones on my body since childhood, to the feel of water
all over my face because of the big boys that dips me in a drum of water, to
the feel of fingers pressed hardly against my cheeks with great force, to the
fists that hit my body, to the physical torture they have been doing to me and
many more… Well, I’m lucky enough I haven’t been raped, because they all say
the same things to me… I AM UGLY and NO ONE WANTS ME. Hearing
those simple words were great relief, but on the other hand, a great insult and
a great slap in the face. If no one wants me nor needs me, then I have no place
in this world.
I couldn’t take reading her notes
anymore, because it seemed like I feel the same way she did. I felt the heave
in my chest and the spice in the corners of my eyes. “I understand you have been going
through a lot of hardships in your life, Bree. But always remember that you’re
never alone.” I said, not to deprive her of hope, but to do the opposite. She
raised her head and stared right through me, eyes in question. “From now on,
you’ll never be alone. I will be your friend; I can even be your best friend.
I’d go with you in school and everywhere so no one will hurt you anymore.” She took another pad and wrote… Are
you serious? I nodded my head with a smile. “Yes, I
am.” And I saw her lips curve to smile, for
the first time. And it was then that I saw her real beauty " the beauty behind
those scars and miseries. And all I can say even up to this very moment is
that, she is simply beautiful. “I guess we can now go to our homes
and have a good night’s sleep, Bree…” I said. And she replied in the same manner
(writing in her pad)… Sure.
Let’s go. “Would you tell me where your house is
located? I could guide you there. Well, you’re a girl and it’s already
evening…” But she quickly wrote in another pad… Don’t
worry. I am ugly and no one wants me. And I felt the pain in that, so I was
left speechless. “Well, you can tell me your address. I would still guide you
there…” She stopped and was hesitant for a
while, and then she replied. She relayed her address to me, and it was not
really far from Bresse, so it was not a bother to guide her to her way home.
And when we were half on the way, I tried to hold her hand. I did, but only for
a short while as she immediately moved it away. But on that quick touch, I’m
sure I felt her temperature which was very unusual. Her palm was as cold as
ice. And silence took over the whole trip once again. When we reached the gate of her house,
which seriously looked like a small apartment, I felt pity for her that I
asked. “With whom do you live here, Bree?” She quickly took a pad and replied… My
sickly mama and I have been living alone since papa died many years ago. And I felt the pain again, somewhere
in my chest. “I’m sorry to hear that, Bree.” I
said. “I’m going anyway. Good night!” And when I turned, I was surprised
when she rushed at me, and then hugs me. And for the first time, I heard her
very little voice in my ears which was like a winter’s whisper. “Thank
you…” Isn’t it awkward? A
person who was more like a stranger you just knew this night, hugged you as if
you’d known each other for years, and what’s more bizarre is that… I even felt
like hugging her back. I didn’t hesitate; I let my warm palm
travel across her cold back, and she just let go that felt incomplete then ran
inside through the gate of their house and inside. I felt like there was nothing left for
me to do, so I also left and went to our house.
That night was merely not the quick
end of something we have started, as I had known her in school. She was in a
lower section that’s why she suffered bullies. But every break time, I go to
their room to check on her, and I came face-to-face with those bullies that
were just her classmates " the big boys and others. One time they were all
circling Bree around and it was as if they were planning to do something bad,
that I interfered. “What’s your problem with Bree,
mates?” I asked in a pathetic manner. “Her problem is with us, mate. But if
you want to take her place…” said a big boy while crunching his fist. I was ready for a violent physical
encounter when the teacher for their next subject arrived. The tension was
ended. But one time, those boys really need to learn their lesson. I left. And at lunch break, I fetched her from
their classroom and made her have her lunch with me and my friends. She was shy
at first, because even my friends and some of my classmates were not in favor
with my decision of keeping her company. As not to make her feel bad, I went
with her. We were given chance to be alone outside the school campus in a
grill. I really wanted to hear her voice, but she still brings her pads with
her. So, I decided to train her with speech. She was eager, but she just can’t. Her
voice sounds too soft as an air. And I realized that her real problem was her
voice which seemed like a whisper. Something is really wrong with her throat,
not with her tongue. I told her, “Train with it. Maybe you
will get your real voice someday. Constant practice makes it perfect, Bree.” But she replied, using her pad. It’s
no use. I have been doing these before, but every time it was a failure. “Well, this time we’ll make it a
success, okay?” I said. “I’ll help you.” And she smiled.
Next I helped her with is socializing.
I formally introduced her to my friends and I readily saw the disgust on their
faces, and I know it was insulting on her part when she saw them. But I told
her, “Be confident. They will accept you, but not maybe now.” Again, I saw her smile. I’m good at handling conversations, so
I managed to let Bree communicate with my friends in a peaceful manner also
with the help of her pads as she could not speak.
And when she set foot on their
classroom, I felt her trembling. I knew she was afraid to see those bullies.
She was afraid that they might see us together, as we have unfinished business.
So, I simply told her before going away, “Don’t mind them if they are teasing
you. They will feel stupid.”
Days passed, months, and even years! I
realized that Bree and I were not just simply friends anymore but the best of
such, as we have gotten closer and I used to prefer her than my original
friends, because each day I knew her, I find no reason why I should neglect her
and choose those who despise her that if you just think about it, they have no
reason to. And yeah, my original friends still
doesn’t want her up to this very moment in my senior life. If they do connect
with her, it’s in a ‘plastic’ manner. About those bullies that are still
Bree’s classmates? I have taught them a lesson last year, when I haven’t
controlled my temper and we have been suspended for two weeks as consequence
and our parents were called to the guidance counselor. Another consequence is
that we’d do community service, but as the guidance counselor understood my
point, that I was just protecting Bree, and it’s one against many of them, she
considered me not to do the other consequence, which I think enraged those big
boys more. Bree, who still can’t speak, have
become a better person, as she can manage herself now and then. And I just forgot
my heartache with Daniela Marie because of Bree. It seems like it was gone in a
flash. Anyway, Bree and I are still training
with her speech. I introduced Bree to my parents and to
my older sister, they liked her that much. They said Bree is someone to be
kept, not abused. Bree also introduced me to her mama who spent her life in a
wheelchair, and Bree had to feed her now and then. I knew about their history
then. Bree’s mama and papa met an accident
years before when they were on the trip to the hospital for surgical treatment
for Bree’s throat. The fund supposed to be for her treatment was rather used
for her mama’s recovery that was lucky enough to survive, but too unlucky to
suffer partial paralysis all throughout her life and her papa’s funeral who
managed to leave life in an easy way. I am greatly touched with their
situation. Swear, tears fell from my eyes because of these. Her mama can talk and be like a
rational being, but she just can’t move. But knowing that, I chose to be closer
with Bree that one day, I was quite surprised that it was not just pity and
anything natural that is from me to her. And that is love. It was hard for me, and I should keep
my feelings to myself, especially now that Bree has been eyeing on a boy which
is just my classmate, Terrence. It hurts in some way that she notices
him who wasn’t there for her all the time than me who spent almost all my life
just to make her a better person. But still, as her best friend, I have
no choice but to support her, so I encouraged her, which led her away from me.
“You’re beautiful. You’re may be good together. There’s no harm in trying,
anyway, Bree.” And she asks me… Seriously? I
nod, but when she turned the other way, I felt spice in the corners of my eyes,
and the stab in my chest that I just said, “excuse me,” and walked away.
She did try, I gave her the chance. I
set her free. We have been passive for two months. I let her try her luck with
Terrence, and I can see that she is happy with what she has been doing. And
seeing her happy also makes me happy, but knowing that I can’t make her as
happy as that is a pain in my heart. She could make Terrence do sweet
things to her, and we seem to have changed a lot that we couldn’t talk well
anymore. She was always preoccupied by Terrence, and I get myself preoccupied
with other things because if I just keep on observing her, I’m sure I’d be
crazy. It’s just damn painful. But one day she just comes running to
me, then hugs me tight while crying. “Oh, what’s wrong, Bree?” I asked, and
I felt pain on me as well. I can’t take seeing her like that. She whispered in reply. “Terrence took me for granted.” And I
feel the pain in that. So she really loved Terrence. After hearing that, I asked her more
questions to complete the details and here it goes. Terrence was just using
Bree because she is smart and that he needs her support in his studies, because
he is having low grades in the past grading. That’s why Terrence and he had
gotten close, and now that Terrence had redeemed his grades, he neglected Bree
because he didn’t need her anymore. Swear, hearing that enrages me that I
wanted to give Terrence a great fist hard on his face. But I stopped it, for Bree. At night, when I was also spending my
time in Bresse, I saw her. Bresse is the only place she comes to, aside from
me, if problems arouse. I
came to her, made her lay her head on my chest, my arm around her back, and I
sing to her to sleep. What I sang is the song Words Can’t
Tell that I composed which suits my part well. If you want to see the lyrics of
the song, please refer to the first page. If she understands the message, then
she would know about this stupid love of mine. But I just hope that she would
not. And I really think she doesn’t. We got closer again afterwards, and
she forgets about Terrence, but the scar she had made to me had given me the
choice to simply distance myself away from her sometimes. Something’s pretty wrong with us, but
nobody makes a sound about it. She then started mentioning about
Eric, her classmate, whom she finds alluring and sweet. And it gave me a
feeling, that this is another trouble. And I was right. Sometime near the Christmas Break, she
confirmed to me that she starts to fall for Eric, and that this time, it’s
something ‘different’ than what she had with Terrence. I gave her the chance again; I gave
her the time and space she needs voluntarily without each one of us saying. I
didn’t have to encourage her because I already did before, and this time, I
can’t lie to myself and make it seem like nothing’s really wrong. I can’t take
it anymore. She and Eric have naturally gotten
closer as well. See, how effective she is. But based on how I psycho her ties
with Eric, I find it more on the ‘like’ side than on the ‘love’ side. I always
notice something different between us which are far better than what one has
with another. Or maybe I’m just into my illusions? Words can’t tell how bad I feel each
time, especially when I notice again that she seems to be happier with Eric
than with me. And this time, I resisted no tears. I let them fall freely from
my eyes. S**t! Is this the way love hurts? And time to time, it seems like she’s
coming back to me whenever she feels like she ‘hates’ Eric, and then come back
to her ways with him whenever she feels like she ‘loves’ Eric. It hurts,
especially when she keeps on telling me about the things that they have been
doing which sounds happy. It’s like getting a big slap on my face. I feel as if
I don’t have a place in her heart, when she has everything of me, and it’s like
being torn to a million pieces every time. So, I have decided that this can’t
go on. This has to stop. And I have to stop this stupidity by
first letting everything go, by telling her about this. One night in February, we were in Bresse,
but with awkward winds. “Umm, Bree… I don’t know how to start
but… it’s now or never, okay?” I started, and she nods, but her eyes were in
question. And I just stared right through her
amber eyes, can’t find the right words to say. She took a pad and wrote. I
thought you’re telling me something, Kris Daven. Tell me… And I still don’t know how to say it,
so I just simply sang the song, Words Can’t Tell. But before that, I implied,
“Please understand the lyrics.” That she nodded to. I sang it well, trying hard to sing
with a good voice even if I know I sound terrible. Afterwards, she wrote in her
pad… I
understand the lyrics, Kris. It’s such a beautiful song. She then hugs me tight which was much
of a surprise, and all my efforts were into fruition. It hurts to know that she
is also numb not to feel it. What a MANHID! I simply let my tears fall behind
her. But I failed to make it unnoticed as the tears went to her cloth that she
felt it. She whispered, “What’s wrong,
Kris Daven?” I whispered back. “Nothing, Bree…” And I hugged her tighter. I don’t know
why.
I guess I won’t be able to let her
know directly anymore. These days, which is near graduation, I just let her be
happy with Eric. I guess they are really for each other, and I am just supposed
to be a third wheel. I just came into Bree’s life to make a change, not to be
her partner; I have to remind myself that. But one of my friends, Anna Lee, who
doesn’t know that Bree’s the one I mean in my emotes and tags, really insists
that I must tell *whoever this is* before it’s too late. She implied that I’ve
got every chance every time of my life. And I believe that.
Being
a real man or a real boy means that he is not afraid to show tears when he is
in pain, because he is courageous enough to express himself. This is what I
learned because of you, Kris. Bree shows me the pad with a bright
smile. “Oh, so you have learned from me after
all.” I say with bitter edge in my voice. She writes in another pad again and
shows it to me. I
know something’s wrong. Tell me about it. What the hell. Just how numb is she?
Doesn’t she know that she is that ‘something wrong’? And I jokingly implied. “What if it’s
you?” She replies. Then
let’s talk about it. Graduation is coming. We may not see each other afterwards
for long. So I guess it would be better if we fix things out before it’s too
late. I’ll help you. And reading this partially pains my
heart and spices my eyes, I didn’t know why. She sounds just like how I did
before. She hugs me then which was quite a
surprise, and I hesitantly hug her back, but I pull away when I felt my
heartbeat going crazy. “What’s
wrong, Kris Daven?” she whispers. And I’m sorry, but I just can’t
contain my emotions anymore. Tears just run from my eyes as I tell her, “It’s
you, Bree. It’s you and me.” “Why?
Tell me, I’d listen.” She whispers, and I wonder why I see the moist in her
eyes and I see pain across her face. “I’ve been trying to tell you these
before. But I just couldn’t, directly, so I composed a song, WORDS CAN’T TELL
that I just sing if I feel like telling you because it is so hard, Bree. I even
told you once to understand the lyrics.” I say. “But are you just as numb not
to feel it, Bree?” I see something registering in her face,
through her amber eyes, but I see no surprise. So I continue, still crying.
“Are you just as numb not to even notice that I love you since long before?” I see her twitch in shock, and I also
see her surprise. “Bree, don’t you even notice me? Words
can’t tell how much you matter to me…” She was speechless, as always. But
what’s surprising was… she hugs me again, real tight. I expect her to walk away
and leave, but this is totally different, and for a while, I felt the beat of
our hearts as one. I hug her back, but trying her best,
she whispers in my ear. “I’m sorry if I
have been making you suffer that much, Kris. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I was
that damaging.” “No. It’s okay. It’s just my fault I
fell in love with you.” I say, and bitter tears fall from my eyes again. “Please
don’t regret it, Kris.” “I
won’t. I don’t. I never did.” I say. “Loving you is as hard as hell but as
sweet as sugar and as good as heaven, Bree. Words can’t tell how much you
really mean to me.” And I gently kiss her hair and her
cheek.
Graduation quickly comes, and all is
well between me and Bree again, but we are not the same as before, as there are
now awkward winds, awkward encounters, and some changes. It will take long
before the old us would be back together. I’m having a hard time moving on when
I don’t really want to let her go, especially now that there are some hints
that she might be just in love with me as well. Or maybe that’s part of my
illusions again? I don’t know. There are tears here, tears there,
tears everywhere. Graduation, a happy yet sad chapter of our lives! After the
ceremony, our class had a group hug which was heaven! My original friends also
get to hug me one by one, boys and girls, and lastly, I won’t forget because
this may be my last hug with her, I go to their seats which were far from ours
and then she is looking for me too. When I get there, we hug tight that nobody
seems to want to let each other go. And when I open my eyes behind her, I see
the big boys smiling sarcastically at us. There are four of them. I
feel something wrong. Something wrong might happen. We still have unfinished
business, after all.
Night falls and Bree informed me
through text message that we must see each other at Bresse. She even implies… It’s
now or never, Kris Daven. I wonder what it is about. When I get there, about nine in the
evening, I see no one there " nobody within the corners of the old town bridge. “Hahahahaha!” I heard someone’s
laughter which is so familiar. It is one of the big boys! I look behind, and he’s there, Bree
enclosed in his strong arms. “Bree!” I shout with exasperation.
“Bree! Let her go, you son of a b***h!” But he just laughs. And Bree is having
a hard time trying to shout to me, because she has problems in her throat. But
I can read in her mouth that she is saying… Leave,
Kris. Leave now! And when her eyes widen, I read her
mouth again. Behind
you! And when I turn behind, the three big
boys catch me off guard. Jab! Punch! Kick! I crawl to the side of the bridge,
bloody and weak. They have hit me on the delicate spots " on my stomach, on my
chin, and on my spine. S**t! I quickly stand up despite the
great pain then catch the two off guard as well, and they crash to the ground
with a punch of mine. But the other one kicks me on the spine again that I
crash to the cemented ground. “We really have unfinished business,
Kris Daven.” Says the guy holding Bree. I glance at Bree. And seeing her in
great distress, especially now that she is being asphyxiated, tears just fall
from my eyes. I can see that she is breathing hard for her life. These guys are
dangerous ones, after all. “Let… let her go!” I shout. “Let Bree
go!” “No, Kris Daven.” Says the other big
boy… “We have been giving you your great times together for long enough, but
graduation day is our day!” “What are you planning to do with
us?!” I demand despite my greatly weakened state. “You don’t have any right to question
us.” Another big boy says and then steps hard on my back. “We can go as far as
killing you both!” And he rubs his shoes against my back with more pressure and
force that I exclaim in pain, “Awh!” I glance at Bree again, and then I
look at the big boy holding her, pleading. “Kill me then, but let her go.” Her face is full of tears, and what I
can see through her eyes are the fears. Tears rush from my eyes as well. “No, Kris Daven.” The big boy holding
Bree says. “We don’t play fair.” He then goes to the edge of the
bridge, still holding Bree. “Now you just have to choose. It’s either she
drowns in the water below, or she dies of asphyxiation in my loving arms.
Choose her destiny!” “No! Kill me instead!” I shout despite
the pain. “Set her free! Let her go!” “No, Kris. You’re as good as dead.” He
says. “And if she dies, you’d be as good as double dead! You hear that, you
ugly, unwanted b***h?!” “Noooooo!” I shout, and he pushes Bree
off the bridge. She falls and I hear the splash. I cry hard, and gathering all the
force and energy I have, I stand up, push the two big boys off guard which
manages to say, “oh, s**t!” before they are gone into bewilderness and also
jump off the bridge to rescue Bree, even in this state. And before I lost sense everything, I
heard the biggest and the loudest splash I have ever heard all my life.
The sharp smell of dextrose and
beeping sound of a certain machine wakes me up. When my eyes open up, I
immediately look for Bree around. I know I’m in the hospital. At least, I’m
rescued. But it would be so much for despair if Bree wasn’t. I am to blame. “Thank God you’ve woke up, Kris!”
Mother, tensed, and excitedly hugs me when she sees my eyes open, as she was
sleeping beside me in the hospital bed. “How long have we been here?” I ask in
a very slow manner. “Ten days, Kris.” Mom says. “How are
you, baby? Where do you feel pain? Should I call the doctor?” “No, mom.” I say. “How’s Bree?” And then she falls silent. “Mom, how’s Bree?!” I demand, raising
my voice which pains my back and summons flowing tears on my eyes. “Where is
she?!” “She’s in ICU, Kris.” She says and I
wonder. “She’s in a comma.” “No! It can’t be! She just fell off
the bridge!” I exclaim. “I am the one who "” “You should be thankful, Kris. At
least, she’s still alive.” Mom assures which sounds like a reprimand. “About
those big boys, those two who fell were also rescued, they were both alive. The
other two were taken into prison and those two here in the hospital will join
them once they will be released by the hospital.” It had been better if those two just
simply died. “I didn’t know you’ve got lots of
enemies in school, Kris. You were not telling me anything!” She reprimands me.
“They’re too dangerous, don’t you know that?” I am just silent, tired to explain,
then I say. “I want grapes, mom.” “Okay. I’ll get you some. I’ll be
back.” She says then hurriedly leaves. As the door close, I look to my side,
to my desk is a plastic bag containing things. I see the name BREE STANLEY
printed on a sealing tape around it. I take it then I open it. And I see
Bree’s folded paper pad. By the looks of it, I can tell that it was a new one
though it was somehow wet as it was maybe in Bree’s pocket when she fell off
the bridge. I open it. Dear Kris Daven,
You have influenced me well and
made me a better person. From the very start you never left my side, and I you
even chose me over your old friends. I just
want to tell you, through this, before everything’s too late, that I am
thankful that you’ve came into my life. You’ve made a great difference into my
very small life. I may
have looked at other persons like Terrence and Eric, but you were always the
one I have loved, not them. I just made myself believe that I deserved them.
That’s why I think I loved them. Actually,
I was having hints that you were actually having something with me, but I just
let it be and chose to prove it by playing along and pretending as if I love
other persons, but sometimes I can’t help myself but show you some signs that I
love you too. Another
thing is, I know what you REALLY meant when you were singing your composition,
WORDS CAN’T TELL to me, but I just chose to act as if I didn’t know. And when
you confirmed it right through me face-to-face, I can’t help myself but hug you
because I know that my suspicions were right, and that I am so happy. I also
want you to remember that I may hug other people, but I always imagine them to
be you, and that when I embrace my pillows, I want them to be you. You are
the only one who told me I’m beautiful and I’m needed, not wanted. That’s why I
don’t regret loving you as well. I’m sorry I didn’t have the chance
to tell you directly that I have loved you from the start as well. You are far
greater than I am. I don’t want to be a great distraction, as I am, to your
life, Kris Daven. That’s how much I love you. Words
can’t tell how much I love you and how much you matter to me, Kris Daven…
-Bree Stanley Reading that
greatly warms my painful heart and spices the corners of my eyes. Later
onwards, tears just fall from those. I have both the feeling of happiness and
sadness. I also have the feeling that if I lose Bree this time it would be
final and forever. S**t! So, we have been in love with each other and just
playing like fools! How bizarre " the twists and turns of fate.
When I feel like going to Bree, I
asked mom to take me to the ICU to see her. She agreed, and the doctor also
does. But they put me in a wheelchair. I cannot move freely yet because my
impact on the water was so hard that I was damaged physically, and luckily, not
to the extent that my nerves were involved. I enter the ICU and when I get the
chance, I went to Bree and gave her the embrace that I can manage. If I can
move without pain then I would really hug her tight. I take her hand and hold it, filling
the spaces between her fingers with mine. And as ever, her palm is still as
cold as ice. Well, I just let it be, because I know
that only my warmth can balance that coldness. I take my nap on her side, not
breaking the connection between our hands. Whatever happens, I will never let her
go. Never…
I wake up, around three at dawn, when
I feel Bree’s fingers twitching. “Bree? Wake up, Bree.” I say. “Wake
up.” I didn’t know, that tears just simply
fall from my eyes. She holds on to my hand tighter, and
then she speaks to me as slowly as ever like a winter’s whisper. “Kris Daven, I
must go…” “No, Bree. You’re going back to me "
to us.” I say with exasperation. “No. I’ve had enough, Kris.” She says,
crying. “I’ve had too much, actually.” “Don’t say that, Bree. Those bullies
were gone. Everything’s going to be fine.” I say to convincingly. “We are going
to make everything all right.” “I’m so tired of life.” She says
again. “Don’t be. I’m here, Bree. I need
you.” I say, feeling the heave on my chest, crying as well. “I need you, Bree.” “Kris, you have to let me go. I want
to be free and happy.” She says again, still crying. “Your mother needs you. I need you,
Bree. We need you.” I say, trembling. “Aren’t you happy with me " with us?” “Kris…” she gasps which sounds like a
whisper. Her eyes slowly close, then her grip to my hand loosens and she lets
out one last, “I love you.” The
jagged lines on the apparatus gradually turn to a straight line and sounded
beep! “Bree… Bree! Bree!” I gasp. “Nurse!
Help us, nurse! Doc!” And the door opens, three nurses and a
doctor bringing some more apparatuses gets inside, and everything turns white…
“What
about us, Bree? Words can’t tell how much we need you, Bree Stanley.”
We were on the balcony of their house,
only us, celebrating a year that passed since that horror of our lives. Bree’s
mama, paralyzed as ever, just finished her last spoon of oatmeal. “Is she coming home soon? I miss her,
already.” She says. “She’s coming back, mama. She’s coming
back for us. We need her, right?” I say, encouragingly. And her weak skin makes a curve that
speaks of a smile. “Bree…” The door opens, and I have heard the
most beautiful voice I have ever and always heard. “Mama, Kris Daven!” She then runs to us, and first gives
her mama a big hug, then with still some awkward winds, Bree and I first stare
through each other’s eyes before she pulls me over and we’re into a great
embrace which turns to a very tight hug Yes, she survived. How she did? It’s a
miracle. Anyway, what’s important is that she has been well and now she even
got her voice! She even implied that she will not waste her second chance in
life before she left. She is from Canada from her throat operation sponsored by
mom and today is her arrival by which I and her mama have been waiting here in
their old house for her return. It’s been two months since I last saw her, and
it seems to be long enough for me not to miss her. “You’ve changed a lot.” I say. “I did.” She says, and with her amber
eyes, she stares right through my brown eyes again. Then, she connects our
hearts by her fist. “But this didn’t.” I smile then my hand finds hers,
filling the spaces between her fingers with mine.
…THE END... By the way, here is the themesong I composed for the story. . . WORDS CAN'T TELL (SONG) VERSE1: Please don't go, stay with me I am asking you this things, because I love you By my side, know you'd be Never left behind and never all alone BRIDGE: Words can't tell how much you matter to me Words can't tell how much you make me happy VERSE2: In my heart, you're always here Don't forget that you do matter more than gold Don't you say that you'd hate me You don't know how much I'm longing for you everyday of my life BRIDGE: Words can't tell how much you matter to me Words can't tell how much you make me happy CHORUS: I sing this song, but I know this is not enough For you to know how much you really mean to me 'Cause words can't tell how limitless my love for you could be Words can't tell how much you mean to me VERSE3: Here I am, swearing true That my love for you is genuine and I need you Don't forget your true value For me you will be the one I love the most BRIDGE: Words can't tell how much you matter to me Words can't tell how much you make me happy CHORUS: I sing this song, but I know this is not enough For you to know how much you really mean to me 'Cause words can't tell how limitless my love for you could be Words can't tell how much you mean to me CODA: Words can't tell how limitless my love for you could be When you need my warmth I'll hold you tight and hug you FILL-IN: Stay with me, by my side In my heart you always matter more than anything CHORUS: I sing this song, but I know this is not enough For you to know how much you really mean to me 'Cause words can't tell how limitless my love for you could be Words can't tell how much you mean to me Words can't tell how much you mean to me © 2014 PrimeReviews
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