Prologue

Aidenschlaft - Germany

 1400 AD

Adam IV of Horvath sat perched upon his throne. In his right hand was a golden chalice filled to the brim with wine. He rested lower into his ornate chair, glaring at the crowds within his court. This small feast was thrown in the honour of victory; the latest of what Adam saw as a long line of treacherous, greedy fools in crowns had been destroyed by the army of Horvath. Minister Josef insisted that the celebration be the grandest yet...a notion that Adam found idiotic. There were many royal houses in Europe that stood against the expansion of his kingdom...and he would see to their individual demises. There would be a celebration when a celebration had been earned, he told Josef. 

 In one fell motion, he tipped the chalice up and sculled the entire vessel. The sweet liquid escaped the goblet and he swallowed. With a growl, he tossed the golden chalice to the ground and shouted "More wine!" The party didn't slow down; they'd grown used to his outbursts over the years. A young boy, of fifteen, frantically scooped up the discarded cup, sprinting over to the wine keg and beginning to fill it. Adam scoured the hall once more with his blue eyes. He would have killed a thousand men for just a single fair maiden to wander into this hall...not one had. Not one. None of the women in this kingdom were good enough for the young king. 

 "Hurry, boy!" He yelled at the wine bearer, not averting his eyes from the rest of the hall. In several seconds, the young boy shot over to the throne, the chalice cupped between his hands as he dropped a knee and lowered his head before Adam. With an amused chuckle, Adam snatched the goblet from the boy and viciously rustled the hair on his head with his other hand. After he had his share of fun, he shoved the boy away and sipped from the goblet. 

"Sire...I apologise for the interruption." 

Dazed from the many chalice-fulls of wine that he had consumed throughout the night, Adam sloppily turned his head. "What...?! What is it?!" He blurted out.

Minister Josef, once again not amused by Adam's piggish behaviour, ignored his lord's foul mood. "I have received word from Gottstrendt. The House Klein is moving upon them, and they do not possess an adequate number of soldiers to mount an effective defence. The Baron demands that you fulfill your promise of protection." He tells Adam, who is barely focusing. 

"Send men." He mumbled. 

Josef cocked his head. "From whose army? Ours? They are engaged in a major conflict on the borders of France. I am afraid we possess no sparable men." 

Adam coughed. "How many days until the Klein arrival?" 

 "Spies suggested within three weeks." 

"Our ruled lands have...plenty of young boys. Any above...above fourteen shall be the reinforcements." 

Josef had dealt with Adam since he was a child. And thus, he reacted calmly to his proposition unlike those within eavesdrop... including the young wine boy. "My lord...that would be unwise. We would lose more than we would kill. There would be no time to train them." Josef iterated. 

One more sip and Adam had once again finished the chalice. "They don't need training, you old fool. Killing a man is like sticking a pig. How hard could it possibly be?!" He pushed to his feet and prepared to throw the empty goblet across the room... but his eyes befell a sight that rendered him immobile.

In his feast, an ocean of fine silks and velvets, was an old hag wrapped in a tattered, dung-stained robe that looked to be no younger than the Earth itself. Party goers close to the old woman began to turn and stare, some cringing at the very smell of her. 

 "Hey!!! You!! What are you doing in here!?" Adam screamed. 

Josef instantly hovered toward him. "My lord. I must ask you to stop." He whispered. Adam's burning eyes met Josef's...and he instantly backed away, head lowered. 

 His focus once again drawn onto the woman, Adam stumbled several steps forward. "I am speaking to you, dumb hag!! This is not some ragged w***e house; this is my castle!! Explain yourself now or I will have you killed!!" 

The poor woman slowly shuffled forward. Her face obscured by a blue hood, but her white greasy hair draped out like strings of hanging moss. She panted heavily as she tried to speak, but her voice was not loud enough to travel across the gigantic room. "What?! Louder!!" Adam screeched. 

The hall was silent. Adam glanced at one of his guardsmen, then motioned to the woman. The guard marched over, seized her by the arm and tugged her closer to the king. The young wine bearer, frightened out of his mind, brought the keg to Adam and refilled his vessel, trembling all the while. The guard fiercely shoved the frail woman toward Adam, and she stumbled to a halt several metres from his throne. "Speak!" 

The woman's husky, worn voice filled the king's ears. "M-My good kind sir...I...I have come as an envoy from the...t-the town of Eisenroad. The war, m'lord...the war. Our town has lost all of our men...your newly appointed barons berate and degrade our women...p-please...I came to beg for you to stop this madness." 

Adam began to laugh. 

"S-Sire...my husband and sons...I cannot have them back...s-so I ask for a safe future for all I have left...p-please." 

 The wine boy hastily ran from Adam as soon as his chalice was full. With a smug smile on his face, Adam licked his lips. "Who do you think you are? To come in here and make demands? To make demands...of a king? In his own home nonetheless? You mean nothing to me, and neither do your dead men, do you understand?" 

The old woman shivered...then fell to her knees, bawling and howling as tears stained the wooden flooring. "Kings have stood where you stand and asked the same of me, and I had their heads on spikes for it. I should take yours too. A shame it would make a foul looking trophy. Perhaps if you were prettier." He raised the full cup of alcohol over the woman's head, and tipped it. The red liquor soaked the lady's hood, drenching her head in wine. 

Adam took several steps backward, laughing as if it were a prank. His court looked on, in utter quiet. Minister Josef sighed deeply...trying to look away from the poor woman. Suddenly, her crying stopped... Adam watched the wench eagerly, to see what she'd do next. He felt a chill run down his spine. "Kill them. Any form of Satan's blackness on Earth must be obliterated. Half-men. Those with broken minds. Those with deformations. Sodomists. Witches." A soft, silken voice echoed. "Witches. That's what you said. But now...you have failed the final trial." 

The chalice fell from Adam's hand. The woman lifted the hood and pushed to her feet. She raised her head... Adam noticed under the wet locks of white hair, the beautiful, pale face of a young woman. 

The ragged robe draped loosely over her thin, slender body. "What is this...trickery...?" Adam muttered.

She smiled. "No. Not trickery. Justice." The woman raised her hands and muttered incomprehensible incantations as a pale green aura appeared in between them. "Witch! Slay her now!!" Adam screamed at his guards. They attempted to charge at the woman, but seemed to be tied to the walls of the hall. Whenever the armed soldiers got close to a certain point, they were tugged backwards like puppets. Adam froze in fear. 

Suddenly he felt...a hunger. He felt...pain. His bones broke and realigned themselves, his flesh boiled and reshaped itself. His skull split once, twice, thrice, and rearranged like a twisted puzzle. The pain was so much that a scream didn't even make it out of his throat. His teeth lengthened and jutted out of his mouth as his gums bled all over the floor. Black fur sprouted from his hide as he grew and grew... then the pain faded. 

"KILL HER!!!" The beast roared.

All who stood in Adam's court were petrified by fear. In a second, they regained their senses and stampeded like a pack of wild bull toward the gates. As they screamed, the witch giggled at the monstrosity before her. "Now you will know what it is like for men to want to kill you as soon as they behold the sight of you. You will watch everyone you know die slow deaths as you live for eternity. Alone. Death is too easy for a spoilt King like you. You will be seen for what you are inside. A Beast."  

Reviews

[M.R Steiner]

instantly reminded of beauty and a beast a little as I finished it, which I think you may have been going for.

it has a hint of something like game of thrones in some of the mannerisms, although I feel some of the phrases may need to be tweaked a little, like when you say party goers, this could be substituted with revellers or something akin to that. All the fiction books I've read seem to suggest that most fiction plays in a format of Motivation, feeling, action and finally speech, its a style I'm still trying to learn but I sense if you look up MR-units, you'll get what I mean. after that it's split into scenes, extended MR units with emphasis on the situation and 'Sequels' which are briefer in detail and are used to resolve and transition scenes.

This story has a bit of a muddle of all those aspects, but I feel you're focusing on the wrong parts at times. for example. 'Whenever the armed soldiers got close to a certain point, they were tugged backwards like puppets' is all fine and good, however we're not watching a movie here or looking at a report, these are the moments you want the reader to imagine what it feels like, not what it looks like. My example will be bulky because I'm writing it quick but how about something like, 'His Men charged at the former crone, their footing ground to a half no less than a meter away. A wall of wind whipped past their bodies, forcing them back like a shield.

I didn't really have a problem getting to the end though. I found it pretty engaging and all the problems I pointed out are subject to reader opinion and experience. I'm just saying all the stuff that people have told me on this site so take it with a grain of salt.

it was still enjoyable, you have a good grasp on your characters and their motivations, I know who they are and what they want.

always remember to have fun describing the freaky stuff that happens, the transformation at the end was really well written too.

well done.

[M.R Steiner]

P.S I would like your opinion on a book I completed a few years ago and am currently rewriting now before I send it off for query again. here's the link
just the first chapter mind you, I don't expect you to read the whole thing.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/couincilmanZero/1823702/

[Geekasauruz]

Thank you so much for your comment! He was very heavily based off of Robert Baratheon so it's fantastic that you mentioned Game of Thrones, and it is going to be a darker version of Beauty and the Beast :) As a prologue I was trying to condense it a little, but I now definitely see some of the issues. I'll begin tweaking it tonight and will read your story when I get home, thank you so much :)