Mishaps, a prolapse and death in dirty water

Read and be enlightened

11am and the poolside silence is shattered by an over exuberant Spanish entertainments girl. After hollering good morning in numerous languages she then sets about encouraging the 60 year old plus females basking under the Mallorcan sun to join her in exercises best suited to women half their age, this accepted by a dozen or so for reasons known only to them but my own thinking is that after several days of far too much sun and alcohol they are suffering from "holiday amnesia" and have regressed 35 years to a time when their bodies still resisted the effects of gravity and ageing...what could go wrong!

A sun burnt, hairy German lady was the first to succumb to injury, this sustained whilst trying to roll off her sunbed to join the fun and games, her injury a sprained ankle, cue a wheel chair pushing medico who wheeled her off to be mended.

Next a slightly built Dutch lady copped a carelessly swung 1kg kettle bell to her left eyebrow releasing what looked like half a bodies worth of blood, this mixing with many tears and banshee style wailing. A now slightly tetchy medico reappeared and applied what looked like a seventies style "hammock" tampon to the side of her face before wheeling her away to be reunited with the sun burnt, hairy German lady in the sick bay.

10 minutes later 74 year old identical twins, Elsie and Lizzie from Rochdale, both suffered a prolapse whilst trying to s**t drop to a tune more suited to a Harlem nightclub, not a Mallorcan poolside inhabited by many now rapidly nearing a meeting with the grim reaper.
Cue a now really pissed off medico armed with a shoe horn and a roll of super sticky gaffer tape. I guess from the howls that came from behind the screen he had hastily erected, to hide the twins modesty, that he successfully relocated from the under carriage of their cozzies the "loose" lady bits, although the twins walked away from the poolside looking like a donkey had booted their labia minor and major(if there are such things)

Unperturbed by the late morning carnage the Spanish entertainments girl ploughed on, her 8 remaining "victims" throwing themselves whole heartedly into a session of water aerobics.
That was until an extremely large Irish lady, large being fatter than Mrs Fat from the small village of Fatty in Fathamptonshire, shat herself whilst attempting to do a handstand, the result of this leaving the pool an ever darkening brown mess and her 7 aerobic chums suffering from inhalation burns to their mouths and lungs. Panic ensued with doting husband piling into the s****y water to rescue their better halves, dragging them to the poolside to be attended to by a medico who was now very close to a nervous breakdown and was covered from head to toe in blood and faeces.

The body of the Irish lady was recovered from the bottom of the pool after being reported missing by her Guinness swinging husband a full 8 hours later, and this only because he couldn't understand why his night time outfit hadn't been ironed!

Needless to say the pool has remained closed and the Irish fella has had to pay an extra 10 euros a day to have a hired hand come in to iron his evening wear.

Reviews

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

what a catastrophe! was the Irish lady okay? while there was a lot of injury and mayhem, this story was thoroughly entertaining. we all have a story about a vacation gone wrong but this is one of the best ive heard. dark humour, and a great satire of how the middle class blunders through life.

[Gee]

Thanks Ern. I guess if one is daft daft then comes easily :))

[Soren]

I think I know that exercise lady. I certainly have met the ladies group in hospitals and resthomes in the past. Why is it that wethink our bodies are as young as we want to be? A fun read with a moral

[Gee]

Hi Sren, apologies for the tardy reply.
Thank.you kindly for dropping in to have a read, always appreciated

[Ken Simm.]

Excellent whimsy. I love this both subject and the way it was told.

[Gee]

Thank you Ken, daft writes as daft is:)
Hope you are keeping well

[SmallSun]

This was funny!

The "fatter than Mrs. Fat..." bit wasn't as refined as the rest of the story but your description of the demise of Fathamptonshire's Finest played out in my head like a movie. I enjoyed it. I didn't, however, understand how her body could've been overlooked for a whole 8 hours given that everyone was there to recover their wives and she should've filled the pool.

The rhythmic reappearance of the long suffering medico was brilliant!

Thank you for this story. I enjoyed it. I hope my criticism is constructive though it shouldn't be taken too seriously as I've written nothing.

Justice for the Mallorcan Medico! *fist*

[Gee]

It is your choice to critique as you see fit. Those of us that are not previous about our work will be none to.fussed others will take offence.
Thanks for enduring and commenting, it is appreciated

[Marie]

I have read funny stories all my life but this one takes the biscuit, as we say in Ireland. It is the best penned story with the most amazing series of funny events that I have ever read! I could not stop laughing and the tears from laughing literally ran down my face, I couldn't stop. The story is superbly penned and narrated. I adore your sense of humor, Gee. It is the same as mine. Reading the story it was as if I was there watching the whole scenario unfold due to your excellent word choice and the sssssooooo visual detail within the write. Kudos well deserved, dear Gee. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and must search for other stories you may have written too. Thank you so very much for sharing and for all the wonderful laughs I enjoyed 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 dear Gee....

[Gee]

Hi Marie, thanks for taking the time to both read and comment, it is most appreciated.

[Marie]

Most welcome alway, dear Gee...

[Ken e Bujold]

Thanks Gee. Reminds me of why I never Vacation in, at, or anywhere within eyeball range of a resort. Had me rolling on the floor. No trouble envisioning the scene, as it plays out daily in the summer here at our condo pool. Now, whenever Muse gets on me about not using it enough, I can simply pull up this lovely little gem as a cautionary tale. And she'll reply, ah, perhaps you want to be that Irish fella?

:)

[Gee]

Thanks Ken, glad you enjoyed this piece of nonsense.
Hope you are well

[jacob erin-cilberto]

My ex would appreciate this much...she is a personal trainer.

[Gee]

Thanks Jacob.
Hope you are keeping well

[emmajoygreen]

Gee!!! What has happened to the man who hid his candle in a long lost forest, never before seen by human beings! Your tale is carnage, start to finish and so wickedly visual I had to pause and rush the landing!!! This, sir is the you up in the mornings, all weathers, striking back at a hidden talent for an evil and nonetheless brilliant imagination! Enjoyed each and every segment of the goings on, laughed too much and wondered whether or not you'd overdosed on drinking water whilst let rip on the first draught.

I so hope you make this the first of a series because, if you'll forgive me saying so.. you should. Not sure of the title but .. with that brain and sense of the ridiculous you'll come up with a great and highly improbable one that fits to not only to a T but the entire A - Z!

[Gee]

Thank you. Title changed to something more fitting, I think!
Tis easy to do daft when you are:)
Glad you enjoyed.
Have 2 days of Mallorcan sun to enjoy them home Friday:(

[Gee]

Hope you are well

[emmajoygreen]

The sun obviously rearranges the early morning wet weather mood you just might wrap around you now and again, Gee! So hope you and your darlings enjoy every spritz of sunshine left for you.