The Celebrant

She knew him not.

The celebrant did what they, the family, didn't, couldn't,
the congregation listened, nodded politely,
for as much as she earned her shilling
she didn't know the man now gone,
the real man, not her idea of him,
her take on the words provided by teary faced,
grief dumbstruck family members.
She spoke with clarity, with feigned sadness,
projecting so that those gathered at the rooms back,
the late comers and the fleet of foot,
(the latter more interested in a quick getaway
to a place where free food, a buffet, sits waiting,
suffocating beneath layers of cling film)
could hang off her every "day job" word.

When done, her crust earned,
and as a prelude to Frank crooning "my way"
and the closing of silently drawn curtains,
two grand daughters read, with haste,
a freshly penned grandad poem,
tripping over words, sentences,
struggling to rhyme irregular line lengths,
this having me think of critiques received,
"count consonants, aabb, abab, read aloud...."
perhaps an invite to the cafe be extended,
or perhaps not as imperfect fits well with the deceased
as it does with us all.

I join a queue, the meet and greet of family members,
"sorry for your loss" kiss, hug,
"sorry for your loss" kiss, hug, again and again and again,
this to the accompanying sound of screeching tyres,
the fleet footed on the move.
If I hurry, forgo "sorry for your loss" kiss, hug,
perhaps a sausage roll and sandwich,
even a biscuit and cake too
will have survived death by cling film
and the greedy, grabbing hands of the fleet footed vultures.

"sorry for your loss" kiss, hug,
or perhaps I'll grab a bag of chips on my way home..

Reviews

[Thomas W Case]

Yes. Powerful work. Very relatable.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

That’s right the celebrant knew him not
I like this poem from the cling wrap to the grandkids it was a very true take on something that is so personal
Very well executed
I will always recall at the after thingo of my sisters funeral at mums house my religious much much older cousin said ‘well she’s better off now. ‘
I was young immature 23 and just ran to my room didn’t come out again
Before that I had been poring tea serving cakes etc with mum trying to ease my parents stress
She ruined it with one well meaning but badly taken six words

[Pete]

woefully accurate. i always find funerals to be somehow dreadfully inadequate, uncomfortable and distasteful. i enjoyed how this write had two feet on different planes. is not the body we mourn but the spirit and is so difficult to do that. i think just experiencing a memory of them and smiling is best. let the curiosity seekers go home with their full bellies and empty hearts ... :)

[Gee]

Thanks for the review Pete

[Beccy]

The picture you paint here is all to painfully familiar to me and doubtless to so many of us; and in particular I found your take on the celebrant, (just a script reader really,) to be so accurate.

Not so long ago I attended a funeral of the son of long term friends of my mother and father, who after a year plus long illness sadly passed away at the age of 43, (the dread scourge of cancer.) I had known him since I was a child and your poem perfectly describes how the day left me with a terrible sense of unfinished loss and that his passing had little meaning for many who attended; that 'sorry for your loss,' trite phrase having as much meaning as the server at McDonalds saying 'have a nice day.'

Beccy.

[Gee]

Thank you Beccy, hope you are all keeping well

[Coyote Poetry]

Lately I have been going to funerals. 2023, younger family members had left my life. I liked the honest tone in the poetry. Many kinds of funerals my friend. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Gee]

Thank you for dropping in Coyote, hope you are well

[Ken Simm.]

Oh witty and intelligent piece that I throughly enjoyed.
As an aside at the funeral of one of my, disliked, uncles, the celebrant got the whole thing wrong, name of deceased, history of deceased, name of wife and children, he didn't have any. Role in the war, he didn't have one and reason for death. It was great.
I've got to admire your celebrant here however. Just as I admire the poem.,

[Gee]

What a great funeral that must have been:))
Thanks for dropping by Ken. It has been a while since I've posted and have followed up this with another, the second stanza of that one written with you in mind.
Hope you are keeping well in overly warm Scotland

[John the Baptist]

The celebrant seems like a real actress, knows what emotions to put into her lines. Enjoyed very much the description of the attendees and their prefabricated expressions of grief. Also their choices of post funeral libation. Well, it's something we have to do. We each get through funerals in our own way.

[Gee]

Thank you, glad you enjoyed this piece.

[Betty Hermelee]

Somehow I get the idea that people who go to funerals really can’t wait for it to be over so thst they can rush to the buffet….I imagine the celebrant is a paid person who speaks for the family…. In the US, we call it a minister, or a rabbi or a close family member who gives a eulogy…… cling film ( covering all those delicacies is repeated and the words “ so sorry for your loss” again and again… great tale and I think a bit of a spoof on funerals!
Best, B

[Gee]

Hi Betty part spoof part truth. It must be difficult to put into words the life of a man who had lived 80+ years with no knowledge of him apart from the words given by the family.
Hope you are keeping well, thank you for dropping in.

[Betty Hermelee]

Of course, always enjoy your poems! Have a nice Sunday!
Best,
B

[W. Barrett Munn]

The repetition is so utterly satisfying it holds the entire poem together like cling wrap covering a serving tray.

Winston

[Gee]

Thank you Winston

[Chris Shaw]

You sum up so many funerals I have attended here Gee. The last one I attended, didn’t have a celebrant. The daughter tried her very best amid the pauses and tears. It was excruciatingly painful. For my mum, I wrote the eulogy with input from my three siblings. I read it out on the phone to the celebrant with emphasis on certain points. On the day he delivered well. My youngest sister spoke and I recited a poem. At other funerals, it is all too clear that the celebrant didn’t know the deceased and has cobbled up his or her impression from his notes. There is much dark humour here. I smiled. Yes, you have the situation summed up well, in many cases but not all. My mum’s funeral was an exception, but then only her nearest and dearest attended. So good to see a post from you. It’s been a long time coming.

Chris

[Gee]

Good morning Christine, thank you for sticking it through to the end:)
Hope all is well with you