Perhaps...

A daughters death a mothers Alzheimer's

Perhaps the mother the "lucky" one,
lucky now having no memory of the daughter
that she blessed us all with,
as her memories are erased,
her mind deleting
minute by minute
hour by hour
day by day
until each and everyone of us a stranger
as she descends into adult infancy,
barely living but alive,
alive though without the pain of a child now gone.
I ask myself what would be worse,
to live and remember
or to exist without heartbreak,
perhaps neither...

Author's Note

For those of you that have visited before Deb passed last August, of which I have written a couple of bits about. Since then her mother, Rose, has had a rapid decline into Alzheimer's,
having little or no memory of the 80+ years of a life lived to the full.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Another read here Gee. How are you my friend? All quiet from you at the moment. I hope you are ok and your family are well. Miss you on the forum.

Chris

[Gee]

Hi Christine, hope you are keeping well. Will start visiting again soon... hopefully.
Thank you

[emmajoygreen]

That word ' Alzheimer's strikes every horror and fear button. Have known disease and illness in birth family and friends, also via the Helpline.. so many fears these days, spoken about or silently hidden. Life is cruel. That awful illness was told me almost incidentally when I asked a friend I'd not seen for a while, how her mother was.. she told mie this and that, then said. ' Em. I wish I could have my mum back'. It was said at the end of a summer fete, a happy time, but we stood hugging each other, crying. That one sentence nudges me to thank you for sharing your gently and finely written poem, Gee.

[Gee]

Hi Emmaj, thank you

[FGFRANKLIN]

This is so heart wrenching and palpable. I watched my mother battle with dementia in her final declining years. She would try to grasp at things and people with her mind that were beyond her. And then there would be moments of crystal lucidity but in another time. She would revert to being a little girl again talking to her grandfather or people who had long ago passed away. I treasured those moments of clarity even though they were illusion because I got to glimpse a portion of her heart and soul that no other was privy to. I got to time travel with her into a past time long before I was born. Alzheimer's is a terrible, destructive and fatal disease that robs the mind of everything. To me, that would be a fate worse than death. But the wanderings of dementia aren't quite so oblivious. Mother passed away in 2011 at 82 years but I was her primary caregiver until she passed. It was an intense labor of love but I have no regrets.

[Gee]

So sorry for such a late thank you. Hope you are well.

[Kelly Scheppers]

"...perhaps neither." That's a hard one to answer, Gordon. May I never know.

[Gee]

I too hope you are never in a position like that.
Thank you Kelly

[Ken Simm.]

Having experienced both those conditions. Daughter loss and mothers alzheimers. I really feel this. Not only because of that but because it calls out.
Both eventually didn't have a life. If that is not too cruel a thing to say. My daughter was 29 and had her birthday on the same day as me, 23rd December and my mother in law was in her eighties and had no life for a record breaking eighteen years and also had her birthday on the same day as me 23rd December.

[Gee]

To loss of a child is every parents worst nightmare and I am so, so sorry for your loss Ken.
I guess Alzheimer's must have always been with us but without the classification. Back in the day your mother, my mother in law, would have been playfully branded scatterbrain, daft, batty. Strange now medical science can have these light bulb moments, a bit like PTSD which in both world wars, and recent conflicts, would have been branded cowardice!
Hope you are keeping well.
Apologies for the tardy reply, my kindle gave up the ghost and Amazon dragged their heels delivering the replacement.

[Ken Simm.]

No worries my friend.

[John the Baptist]

I used to work in a long term care facility and saw many dementia patients there. The progression is as you describe it, memories "deleting," loved ones unrecognized, totally dependent on others for care. It is a fate none of us would want, yet the questions posed at the end are valid ones. Which is preferable, obliviousness without pain, or alertness with the attendant heartbreak. It's a question I hope I never have to ask myself.

[Gee]

You and me bith.
Thank you JTB

[Zoe Richardson]

My mother is 93, and as clear headed as she was years ago. She has trouble accessing some of her short-term memory, but this is completely normal. I am daily thankful for this, even if it means she lives with the grief of losing my brother. To be a prisoner in her mind...unaware of the world around here and not remembering her loved ones would be a tragedy. I ask for God's blessings on your family as you deal with such a difficult condition. And thank you for your heartfelt words. Sometimes poetry is the best therapy.

[Gee]

Thank you Zoe. Long may your mother live :))

[M]

I would say, neither. Grief is terrible and kills the soul but losing one's mind and memories is just as terrible. Tragedy seems to touch many people I have read here so far and it influences their words strongly. I hope she can at least live out her days in comfort and without pain. Sad poetry to read, Gee.

[Gee]

Grief, death, for me anyways, dozens poetry that seems more "worthwhile" perhaps because I can express better my feeling on paper than verbally:
Thank for taking the time to both read this(and others) and comment.

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe my friend. We need our memories.
"to live and remember
or to exist without heartbreak,
perhaps neither..."
The heartbreak does become less painful and the good days. They will make us smile. Hello Gee and thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Gee]

Thank you Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend and Happy New year.

[Gee]

Happy New year my friend, here's hoping 2023 is both happy and healthy

[AYVID N]

Living with the pain of a child lost forever is unthinkably heartbreaking but to sink into nothingness, to lose one's essence, one's mind and exist without existing is perhaps, even sadder.

[Gee]

Thank you Divya