Zorro, Freud and tumbling tresses

Hairdressers open again in the near future

In the not so distant future the great unwashed and hairy,
the boredom stained, unkempt masses
will descend in their droves to be shorn,
to have ill advised DIY grooming rectified,
so as to emerge into daylight once again normal.
(whatever normal may be construed as these days!)
Legions of "stylists" with muscle withered fingers
will, and with God speeding them, search for buried scalps.
With the skill and dexterity of Zorro,
scissors will be wielded to chatter at the speed of light,
their foe, hair, salt and pepper, ill maintained,
will fall victim, carpeting the floor,
as pine needles do forest floors during nature's grooming.
" Me, my, mine" tales will be told by each victim,
their inane drivel automatically activated as their couch potato,
cellulite pocked bottoms makes contact with the faux leather seat,
this causing the cutters to slowly but surely shutdown
whilst stirring in them their inner Pol Pot
and a yearning to cull, a wishing for a second peak,
lockdown, and a resumption of weekly therapy sessions
where homicidal tendencies are discussed (laying down)
with a bespectacled, middle aged man, who,
now comfortable in the presence of his young lady clients,
no longer averts his gaze when caught staring at ample cleavages,
instead ogling unashamedly, whilst often "adjusting" himself,
this adjusting releasing the sickly sweet scent of Eau De Ammonia.
BUT, these visits help, keeps national crime statistics down
and prevent further overcrowding of Her Majesty's hotels,
so the pulling, scratching, stretching of trouser front will be ignored
as will the lascivious ogling, for the foreseeable future anyway...

And so it will continue, day after long day,
cut, listen, take(money),
THERAPY SESSION,
cut, listen, take,
THERAPY SESSION,
until slowly but surely the unkempt masses are unkempt no more...

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

It has a good Halloween punch, funny, but not so funny because you are making fun of slimy people and more.. your words are hilarious and very true in this world today. Nice Job, Gee.
Best, B

[Gee]

Thanks Betty, good to write "daft" sometimes:))
Hope you are well

[Betty Hermelee]

Very well indeed and good to be back form vacation! And you're very welcome!
Best, B

[Ken e Bujold]

I fink this is an absolutely hilarious, bang-on screed about the vacuous nature of today's commercialized mass consumerism. A+++

ken

[Gee]

Hi Ken, thanks. This was written as barbers, hairdressers prepared to open post lockdown :)

[Davidgeo]

You fink we can start dog fighting in my basement sooner than later maybe perhaps?

[Gee]

Sound proof it and you can crack on whenever...don't fancy your chances of winning though :)
Hope you are well

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I think this is superbly funny with a bit of a yuck factor mixed in especially that ammonia scent lol. I now understand how the criminality of society is correlated to the state of grooming of its population!

[Gee]

Thank you Mizz puzzy galore :))

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Deeply cynical old chum and again the sardonic nature of this is razor sharp, scalpel sharp in fact! You capture the reality of the lockdown in terms of a small effect with a huge repercussions. My worst experience (I know; I am lucky) was my hair growing and growing and no such DIY skill at my disposal during the previous lockdown. AND I had panic bought a haircut from busty Sara the day before it all kicked off!
Panic bought another the other day and sara was just as busty!

[Gee]

Busty Sara, somewhere to rest your chin as she trimmed your fringe ?
Cheers John

[Dave Brown]

I have become the extended family's barber even to cutting what's left of my own
Finally found my place in life

[Gee]

My daughter cuts mine, clips it one length all over, saves me paying £20 every fortnight :)
Cheers

[John Alexander McFadyen]

£20 you are being robbed!

[Gee]

My daughter pays £180 to have her hair sorted !!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Falls on floor in apoplectic shock!

Mine £15 counting £2 tip! In saying that I am still paying less than I did in Putney 30 years ago

[Papaya]

Pure funny! :)
I hate going to get my hair done.
Not a huge fan of small talk. (:

[Gee]

Which could be awkward on a blind date :))
Thank you

[Papaya]

yes, it would be. :)
you're welcome!

[Beccy]

Hair today, gone tomorrow, though I doubt that troublesome little bug buddy will be as easily disposed of. :))

'The unkempt masses,' what an image that conjures up. As for that second peak, more like a 'peek,' into what I fear is the inevitable, as it surely ain't over yet and personally I am still definitely in DIY trim mode. :))

Beccy.

[Gee]

Yep, expecting our friend Covid to return in the near future, should just about bring the country to its knees.
Daughter cutting my hair, good old fashioned short back and wheel arches.
Hope you and the family are well, take care. Thank you

[R.E. Ray]

This is hilarious! I know your imagery and references come from the UK, but it was a nearly identical scene weeks ago in my US state. Fortunately, I had a bootlegger, a charming young woman with a mask and private scissors who cut my hair at home. So, I avoided the public show but benefited from the therapy session (though I think she told me more than I told her, after she'd been cooped up with her children for weeks and weeks).

The imagery in this poem is spectacular. I can't get the Zorro character (from TV) out of my head now. I also thought of that Johnny Depp movie, Edward Scissor Hands (1990), the near-maniacal character. It appears the mad rushes, unkempt men and women, have decreased in great numbers. Now, we await the second wave of COVID, and a return to shaggy and fat bottom times. Love this poem!

[Gee]

Shaggy and Mista Luvva, Luvva :)
Glad you enjoyed the read.
Hope is all okay with you, cheers

[barleygirl]

As a kid (for years) I sat in my mom's beauty shop after school, waiting for her to finish (long hours cuz hairdressers didn't make much) rather than me riding the noisy bus full of rowdy bored country bumpkins going 1-1/2 hours out to the boondocks. I can attest you have swept up hair & revealed snarky treasures that even I didn't know existed in the beauty shop scenario. This is totally off the charts, first in how you describe everything with such hilarious derision and second in how you pick one tiny example from everyday relatable life to exemplify the freeing of the masses as various lockdown situations become loosened. Your observations about everything & your keen detailing . . . it's the best way I've seen this lockdown tedium portrayed with panache (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Gee]

You'll have me thinking I can write at this rate :))
I can, when the mood takes me, take the piss with the best of them( I know you'll find that hard to believe!)
Mum was forever saying to me " If wit was s**t you'd be constipated ""
Thank you kindly, as always :))))