Heartache

Hmmmm, missed so much :)

It wasn't by choice accepted
nor was it bought,
it was bestowed upon me without warning
at zero six twenty on April the 9th this year.
A knock at the door,
a knock that could mean only one thing,
and indeed it was that " thing"
The trembling bottom lip,
tear stained cheeks
and red rimmed eyes of a younger sibling,
standing 6' 2" but now the small boy of 50 years ago,
spoke so much louder than his words,
" mum died early this morning... "

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

On the third line, I'd say "zero six twenty on April the 4th, ..." (don't forget the comma, the pause adds impact) instead of "06:20..." ; probably because I come from a military background but I also think it reads better and would make people think more about what they're reading because it's unfamiliar and they will therefore pay more attention.

The ending hits you like a god damned freight train. That was objectively painful to read.

[Gee]

Suggested changes made, thank you.
The brother, I think, was clubbing more out of guilt than the actual passing of mum as for a few years the pair of them barely spoke because he was a knob who was to far up his own arse :)
Me, I didn't cry until an hour or so later when out walking with the pooch, then I suddenly burst into floods of tears. Miss her terribly :((
Thanks again David.

[Davidgeo]

Dealing with loss of that kind is unpredictably painful. The initial shock cripples some people's normal reactions. But, unless you're a total sociopath, the impact of the tragedy always shows up eventually and it hurts so much all at once the whole world becomes irrelevant and you just want so badly for one more chance to say a proper goodbye. But I've only lost friends and coworkers... I don't know what I would do or how I would react if my mother died... that's a type of hurt I cannot understand and one I truly dread more than anything on this earth. Life is beautiful, but it always ends badly eventually. It's the only thing I hate about breathing, that eventually we all have to stop.

[Mrudula Rani]

This is a haunting poem Gee, your grief captures the readers' heart and fetches that familiar sorrow that never left our lives since the day we lost someone dear. I remember receiving message that shattered my innocent world many years ago but seems like yesterday. I feel your heartache intensely, dear Gee.

[Gee]

Thank you Mrudula, tis mum's birthday today, she would have been 83.
Sadly missed, but, I'm happy that she is pain free and at peace :))
Hope you and all of your kind are well :))))))

[Gee]

Kin............

[Mrudula Rani]

All the best moments with your mom are forever in your recollections now, I hope you find strength and comfort in them, Gee.

[Eilis]

Sorry to read this, Gee. Having been on the receiving end of a similar scene, I felt this intensely. It is funny how you almost know when it comes, even though it wasn’t something you were thinking of. At least that was true for me.

All my best to you and your family in this difficult time.

[Gee]

Thanks Eilis.
Was at a friends funeral yesterday, 45, he died suddenly leaving behind a wife, 3 teenage kids and many devastated family and friends :((

[Eilis]

Oh, how devastating. I’m so sorry to hear that. That poor family.

[gram linski]

you have my total respect and sympathy/empathy Gee, keep strong my friend,

[Gee]

Thank you Gram

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Gee... when our Mom passes, we are all orphans.
We celebrate her life with tears remembering how dear
and precious is her love that will remain forever in our
heart. Your poem tugged at my heartstrings
where melodies play like violins. truly, Pat

[Gee]

Thank you for your kind words Patricia

[Patricia Wedel]

I am truly sorry for your loss... always remember our loved ones live on in us.
Fondly, Pat

[Lea Sheryn]

So sorry to hear of your mum's passing.

[Gee]

Thank you Lea. She is pain free and at peace which is a blessing

[Lea Sheryn]

You're welcome.

[Rhayne]

So sorry for your loss. It's hard losing a parent and especially hard when you were so close. It was my older brother who called me about our Mom passing. I had mixed emotions. I wasn't very close to mother. I can honestly say that I don't really miss her but I do think of her often and find myself hoping that she's at peace. My Dad passed twenty-six years ago and that was the absolute worst day of my life. I learned of his death from his neighbor. My Dad and I were practically joined at the hip. He is why I can relate to your feelings. Your poem is a wonderful tribute of love.

[Gee]

Thank you Rhayne, here's hoping my daughter loves me as much as you loved yours :))

[Neville]

S**t... this is exactly what happened to me at 07.40 on August 23rd this year.. totally unexpected and am still reeling .. my sincere condolences my friend... Neville

[Gee]

Back at you Neville, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. Take care

[Neville]

despite everything, I never realised that being an orphan could feel so bad.. You too mate x

[augustus]

Tragic news on the doorstep! Very well written!

[Gee]

Thank you Augustus

[Paul Bell]

The early morning knock, yes, you always know even before opening the door.
Time stands still and life changes forever.
Those lines will hit people in different ways taking us back to that time.

[Gee]

Cheers Paul. Yep, still very raw at the moment. On the upside however, the old man fucked off when we were but kids with button sized arses so they'll be no grieving him :))

[Paul Bell]

As long as he's not one of those bad penny's that turn up when they're not needed.