The Reverend Johnny B

Take it as you will.

No need to dress me in Sunday best
with shiny patent shoes,
no need to play a doleful dirge
or maudlin' sounding blues.
No need for a casket, flower strewn
or brass plate etched with love,
no need for church, religious words
cos I ain't goin' up above.
Instead dress me in Hawaiian shorts
with flip flops on my feet,
pour factor fifty all over me
to protect me from the heat,
as where I'm off it's hellish hot
with folk debauched and gaggin',
for sex and drugs and rock'n'roll
yep music, coke and shaggin'.
Politicians, clergymen,
noble folk and w****s,
will be littering the furniture
writhin' 'cross the floors.
So I'll grab myself a piece of a*s
might try myself a man,
"Why" you ask incredulously
well I'll tell ya, cos I can.
As here amongst those judged and tried
where morals don't exist,
it matters not what orifice
you enter when you're pissed.
Not one will bat a coin closed eye
or raised a hell singed brow,
here you can do what the f**k you like
any furrow you can plough.
So if you think when you are dead
you'd like to come and see,
drop me a note in the Hades post
addressed to the Reverend Johnny B.

See ya soon !!

Author's Note

If you know me you'll know the tongue is firmly in cheek, if you dont, hmmmm.

Reviews

[olla]

tsk tsk tks... you aren't suppose to enjoy it.. that's sort of the point.. of hell.. "yep music, coke and shaggin'." drugs sex and rock n roll.. the definition of heaven to a drug addict... the downfall of many an angel or cherub.. I can still feel the texture of the holey blue jeans I wore under my choir robe.. I'm not sure the Almighty would recognize me in anything else.. I think sometimes we are meant to get down and dirty.. spiritual beings having a human experience.. you describe it so well.. I'm still smiling..

[Gee]

Glad it raised a smile Olla :))
Hope you are well. Thank you

[Dee Oddbins]

I thought this was very funny, Gee some great lines of doggerel and whimsy, if you weren't heading to Hell you are now, lol,

[Gee]

Thanks. Yep, have known for years In heading South :)

[emmajoy]

How did I miss this.... !!! Wait, i have to calm, find a tissue, wrap my ri bs in linament and.. then, read it again! You are such a wickedly wonderful writer, Mr. Gee! This is anarchic, irreverent, and brilliant..

If I've got to go, let it be in hysterics an d not my yellow dress!

[Gee]

Hi EmmaJ, I'm pleased it raised a smile. Must have written this on a silly day.
Hope you are keeping safe and well and getting enough shut eye :))
Thank you

[emmajoy]

It raised near hysteria, thank you very much! Sill days are an essential these days. - never stop being silly, Gee. Sleeplessness is being put to good use at present.. but why not. Wishing you and your darlings the very best of freedom and safety. :)

[Gee]

Freedom would be nice, hopefully soon.

[emmajoy]

Forgive my typo up there, should read sillY!.

Freedom will happen, but only when adults stop behaving like school-children let into the playground! Kee[ safe.

[Gee]

You are forgiven my child. Say three hail Mary's and drink copious amounts of pinot grigo rose whilst standing on one leg singing " The hills are alive with the sound of music"( dressed as Julie Andrews of course )
Should you not be akip m'dear ??

[emmajoy]

Wow, that's a far better penance than some! By the way, which leg?

Didm't woman the phone last night, actually had a few hours sleep. :)

[Gee]

Left leg please but with eyes shut to test your balance

[emmajoy]

Silly boy! And, silly me to even ask!

[gram linski]

as sung by Shane McGowan, I can hear the pipes a'callin,

[Gee]

And no better man to sing it, better with bad teeth though :)

[Beccy]

Went to the Harvest festival Sunday service today; then I went and read this.

Can't decide now whether to stick to 'beam me up Scotty,'
or press the basement button on the lift. :))

Beccy.

[Gee]

I kinda think you'll be heading up the way :)
Thanks Beccy

[Beccy]

As long as it's not all milk and honey. Nothing like a good glass of vintage red. :))

[Gee]

Now you're talking :)

[augustus]

A delightful poem. Cocking a snoot at society! I like it! If you've read any of my stuff you'll know I'm not averse to mentioning sex! What would we be like without it?

[Gee]

Thank you Augustus

[Davidgeo]

I'm going to pretend to take this completely serious because it's a little funnier to me that way.

You should probably smoke more pot than you're currently smoking.

Never come to the United States.... I will find you and make you do unseemly things.

[Gee]

LMAO...
Good morning David, I'll bring a belt to bite on :))
Hope you are well.
Cheers

[Relic]

I would imagine there are parties there all night and day and the music's blastin. haha I hear you can get a really good tan there too. lol Nice on, Gee.

[Gee]

Cheers Relic, it's good to write daft every now and again :)

[Lorry]

Look out for me on the way down Gee, I'll be the one on the barbecue skewer, being slowly turned old cloven hoof himself.
I'd try making amends, but i doubt I'd live long enough to make the slightest dent. Plus, it sounds boring. 😀

[Gee]

Hi Lorry, I'll save you a pew :))
Hope all is well with you, cheers

[mattavelli]

Hey, Gee! :)
You really let loose with this one. How about you throw us all a party? Haha

[Gee]

Lol, no problem.
Cheers Matt