A belly size hole

Missing mum

I have an emptiness inside, a belly size hole
that if not there would contain my grieving bile.
It has been close to 10 weeks since mum passed,
weeks that now seem like years such is my missing..
Tears stain my cheeks as I tap out my pain,
unexpected, sore tears, that run freely
as those that I love deeply sleep soundly above me.
Outside rain falls incessantly
silencing the usual cacophony of crow and magpie,
these seemingly vying to control the airwaves
in an irksome, early summers morning ritual that would rouse the dead,
if only that were true...
I sigh and inwardly berate myself,
tell myself to get a grip,
that moping will change nowt
and the tears I shed will do nothing but make me feel even more tired than I already do.
And with that thought rattling around my head I finish up,
tap out a last few words, and apply a heart broken full stop.

Author's Note

Just feeling sad :((
Disjointed I know but that's how I feel.

Reviews

[gram linski]

Been there, dude, and the broken full stop will be there for years to come, you must mourn, in private, loudly, release the bad piece, the peace of mind will find you eventually, trust in dusty old memories, been 35 years since my mother died and I am still broken inside, but alive and my belly sized hole has a panoramic view, and a titanium ring,

[Gee]

I'll have to get me one of them titanium rings. At present the only one I have is smarting after a late visit to an Indian and say to much Cobra...ouch !!
Never thought losing mum would be so painful.
Thanks for your words Gram.

[barleygirl]

I'm so sorry this is so hard for you! (((HUGS))) You do a great job of describing how this feels. I love your intensity & your imagery -- in some ways your surroundings are not touched by your grief (the dog) or other times, the whole world seems to reflect it in shades of gray. I feel weird admitting this, but I have no sadness about my mom dying a month ago. I need to read your poems to remind myself how it can be in a normal loving family. My family's brokenness is so second-nature to me, I forget this is supposed to be an excruciating time. Thank you for sharing this so honestly & keeping me in touch with the humanity that seems to be missing from my own heart (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Gee]

It is easy to love and miss someone when they lived their whole life to make sure we were fed and watered, had presents for birthdays and Christmases even though it sometimes led to mum being hospitalised with stress, exhaustion, and us kids sent to kids homes, foster homes until she recovered. Even writing that makes me well up :((
I'm so sad for your childhood and what seems to be a lack of loving.
Thank you as always for leaving such kind words Margie :))

[barleygirl]

I was thinking how ironic -- you feel guilty for still falling apart over your mum & I feel guilty for NOT being sad about mine! Just goes to show each human needs space & freedom to have his/her own authentic response to things! (((HUGS)))

[Gee]

Indeed, would be a boring place if we were all the same eh :)

[emmajoy]

' I sigh and inwardly berate myself, - tell myself to get a grip, that moping will change nowt - and the tears I shed will do nothing but make me feel even more tired than I already do. - And with that thought rattling around my head I finish up, - tap out a last few words, and apply a heart broken full stop. '

Beautiful sadness; sensitively, gently felt and phrased. You've said what so many can't, in that be pleased and just a little proud.

Lots of kindly peeps will tell you that time will make things easier, etc. But when someone you love, trust, admire and need - goes from sight and touch, there will be an awful hole, one that's there first thing a morning, last thing at night - and, in the between. Some time - in Gee's time, you'll hear your darling's voice whisper, 'Come on son, get moving, the sun's missing you'! Friendly hugs and thoughts to you, your darling wife and lovely daughter.

[Gee]

Aye, mum would be telling me to " get on with it"... tis hard though as well you know.
Thank you for your always kind words EmmaJ.
Hope all is well in your world.
Were off to Portugal Saturday for 7 days, just me and the good lady for some "us" time, she deserves it having to put up with me :)

[emmajoy]

Reading my review I realise it's a presumptuous mess of words, so sorry, will remove them if you prefer. But understand best one can in another person's shoes. Portugal will make you both smile ear to ear, wonder and wander. The peeps are wonderfully welcoming, flowers rather special! Will be somewhat hot, take your purrty floral fans! Have a wonderful time and find time to write a poem whilst there! :)

[Gee]

Delete, never. Will perhaps take a pen and pad :)

[Ted Kniffen]

Sorry for your loss, Gee. At the moment I am dealing with the imminent loss of my mum. She is in comfort care and I'm told she has 1 - 2 weeks left. She's 94 and dealing with dementia the past few years, so she was not entirely aware of things. Still, no matter how much you prepare, the loss will be keenly felt.

Take care, friend.

[Gee]

Hi Ted, thank you. I'm sorry to read of your mother's plight and hope her passing be both peaceful and painless.
I wrote a life a few years ago, Halfway to Heaven which ended with me writing that no matter how prepared we think we are we are never really ready for the passing of a loved one.
Take care Ted

[Gee]

I wrote a piece...

[Relic]

When my Mother died, I remember thinking 'this just started.' I knew I had a long way to go. I don't recall how long it took to get over it but I know it was painful and a big adjustment.


You have my condolences, Gee.

[Gee]

Thank you Relic. I'll be some time coming to terms with the fact that the person that I most respected, admired, is no longer here :(

[Robert Trakofler]

I have feeling that the bond you have with your mother is a rare treasure. When I read this I can almost see her standing next to your chair with a cup of coffee in her hand to try and console you...all the while needing to be consoled too. With a heart like yours that isn't afraid to let the tears pour she created a grand soul which can only mean she has one too... so hold her close and let them flow but you know she wouldn't want you to be hurting. I am so sorry for you both and hope that in time the sting eases... Gee:) a very poignant write

[Gee]

Thank you BB for your kind words, they are very much appreciated

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed a heart felt and deeply emotional piece of expressive writing Gee. The final lines of the third stanza have such impact! It will get better in time, it more often than not does and tis normal to feel the loss. Each person is different and you take your own time.

[Gee]

Thank you John

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and disjointed is the feeling...i sure understand where you are coming from in this piece...i still want to call mine every day...and then realize, she is not there to call.
i don't know if it gets easier...hasn't for me...and i am missing my dad so much too...she passed in 2014--he in 2017....and i am not used to it yet.
i think writing is a good therapy...
j.

[Gee]

Hi Jacob, thanks. Tis easier sometimes to write than burden others with our thoughts, feelings.
read moreHi Jacob, thanks. Tis easier sometimes to write than burden others with our thoughts, feelings.
Hope you are well.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that's what i do, Gee...
i think about calling a friend, but then write instead.
don't want to dump on friends...just onto the page.

[Chris Shaw]

Good morning Gee. You convey well all the reality of grief after losing someone special in this poem. Hurts like hell, is energy consuming and seems to infiltrate every bit of life. It will soften, but it will have to run its course. Take care my friend and maybe writing about iit will help.

Chris

[Gee]

Good morning Christine, hope you are well.
Sure is a strange place I find myself at present

[Gee]

Oops, thank you

[Chris Shaw]

Read again Gee, over a year has passed by. It doesn't get much easier does it? You just learn to live with it. I'm sure you miss your mum a great deal. Hope you and yours are OK.

Chris

[Gee]

Thank you and good morning Christine. Aye, the tears are less frequent but the missing is a gnawing pain that although dulled is ever present.
How is your mum doing , are you getting to see her on a regular basis ?

[Chris Shaw]

She is still in her nursing home. No visitors at present. I will travel to see her next week. I can sit and watch her from outside her window and use my phone to talk to her :). It is so miserable for the elderly at the moment. This virus is so cruel. Thank you for asking Gee.