Coffee, cold feet and shivers.

The changing seasons

This morning the air carries chills and not bird song,
grey skies sit heavy overhead,
and daylight is diluted on nature's palette
by drizzle that is carried on a brisk, northerly wind.
Through half closed, horizontal blinds,
crab apples can be seen littering drives and pathways
as trees give up their fuit bounty,
fruit that has gorged on the heat of a seldom seen summer,
becoming blushed, weighty,
too weighty to be any longer held.
Up and down the street lawns parched and brown
show the first signs of verdant rebirth,
this setting me to wondering as to whether the mower
may be needed one more time before Jack's first visit.
A visit that will see all dusted white,
the ground and autumns' last, crisp underfoot,
and me searching for gloves, scarves,
and heavy, warmer, winter clothing.
Over at number 7, Sandra's, in glazed, pastel coloured terracotta pots,
summer has wilted and died.
Shingle filled borders are littered with her late spring toils,
when planting, weeding, feeding was order of the day,
and she welcomed the first signs of warm sunshine with too short shorts,
and a loose fitting, low cut top,
that had her panacotta breasts spilling forth with every move,
and had my wife informing me about its suitability for gardening,
her word less subtle though,
with " tits " not referring to the species of small songbird.
Walking to the kitchen I begin making mental notes of jobs to be done,
these to be finished before my self enforced hibernation.
Paint the fence, stow the furniture,
restock the wood store and ready the fire pit,
mend the back gate, the list seems endless.
I sigh as the kettle clicks off.
Like many days to come,
today's coffee will be taken with cold feet and shivers,
the warmth of the mug being welcomed as much, if not more,
than the contents.

Author's Note

Hmmm, ain't to sure about this one. Any suggestions, critiques to improve, apart from deleting, welcomed.

Reviews

[Lorry]

Don't think I can offer anything to improve this Gee, as you seem to have captured more than a day in the life, but the passing signs of longer and shorter periods of time also.
The list of things needing done, to preserve the idea of everything remaining fresh and new, minus perhaps the person doing all the work, as we brace ourselves both physically and mentally for the foreboding that is Autumn/ Winter.
Flows superbly, painting a picture more vibrant than the weather.
Nice of you to keep an eye on the neighbours :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

I do like this one. It is the musing of a retired(?) man, contemplating and cogitating, as he sips his warming coffee and looks out of the window, at the Autumn scene. The first two verses are poetically pictorial, then verse 3 brings us down to earth, verse 4 brings in a personal note, and the final verse is the musings of the 'I' as he mentally makes a note of what must be done. Brilliant! But I am wondering if you should make the last verse longer than the penultimate verse, then the whole poem would be a crescendo! But I did enjoy it, especially as it is 7am here, and I am going downstairs to make that early morning cup of coffee!

[Gee]

Good morning and thank you. Will, as you suggested, look at extending the last verse.
Hope you are well

[Great Aunt Astri]

I'm not at all well.. my body is collapsing in every direction. But I am as happy as a sand-boy, and not in much pain.

[Great Aunt Astri]

PS I observe your verses go, 4 lines, 6 lines, 8 lines, 12 lines and then 10 lines. Perhaps twiddle the last two verses for a crescendo. But I rather like the anti-climax of the last line in the last verse, 'than the contents'!

[Gee]

I'm sorry to read of your body's collapse, if it can be rebuilt I hope the works are carried out soon . Good to read you are happy though :))

[Gee]

I think the only time I have ever counted the number of lines in verses is when I have attempted to rhyme, never dawned on me to look at the verse length in whatever type of writing this is !!!!

[Great Aunt Astri]

The shape of the poem (that is the format structure) is quite important to some writers. There is a whole plethora of set formats with set rules. It can be quite fun to write one of these, but it is a bit more like doing a crossword puzzle.

[AriesGirl]

Beautiful imagery is present here, it really makes one stop and think about the changing seasons and the passing of time. The little bit about your neighbor was also unexpected, it added some wry humor to the piece. I love this poem! Wish I felt the signs of crisp and cold autumn where I am as much as this poem describes. Today is ridiculously hot and I cannot wait for the chills and gray skies that you describe, odd as that may sound.

[Gee]

Thank you for a very kind and generous review.

[An owl on the moon]

Your movement across time, across seasons, so powerfully carry us across these spaces in your mind's eye. One can feel the temperature transforming, can taste the changing days and nights, and those sips of coffee to stir the soul.

[Gee]

Thank you for kindly reviewing

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you for sharing what you see when sitting at the breakfast table gazing out the window. It's a special feeling and the imagery in your write captures it so well. Autumn is coming...and the signs are out there. Lydi**

[Gee]

Thank you Lydia

[Rene Velez]

Very good imagery. A feel of solemn energy like having morning coffee while looking out the window. I can appreciate a write like this. Well done.

[Gee]

Cheers, you read me well. Thank you

[Davidgeo]

Are you a fan of TS Eliot by any chance?

[Gee]

Good morning David. No, know the name obviously, but am ashamed to say do not read at all unless on here. Scribbled this after reading a piece by Beccy, enjoyed it, so thought I'd give writing in a slightly different style a whirl. As I've said in authors notes, might be shite, but I'm always open to criticism if folk are willing to give it and it'll improve what I've posted.
And I know I should read, best way to improve, broaden the mind, but I never seem to get round to it.
Will take a butchers at T S 's later.
Hope you are well.

[Gee]

Got to say, you did very well to read all of " Desperate Dove "

[Davidgeo]

And good morning to you sir.

It wasn't a random response or anything pretentious. You kinda read like old Tommy Stearns. That's even higher praise knowing you are specifically familiar with it... you did that s**t naturally. Well done my friend.

From one of his "four quartets" I recommend 'east coker'. You'll love it. Here's one of the very best audio versions of it...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERNxxovClm4

[Davidgeo]

(I meant to say... "aren't specifically familiar with it")

[Davidgeo]

And f**k off with the "you did well to read..." thing. You're a good writer, it's not hard to read you. There's no way you aren't at least slightly aware of that...

[Gee]

I can say hand on heart that it still surprises me that folk " enjoy" some of the bits I post, and I don't say that to garner praise.
I do read an awful lot of shite on here, but some very well penned bits to. I came on here posting simple rhymes and have over the course of time tried to improve by reading the better writers on here. I think, probably wrongly, that if you write as you speak, it tends to turn out ok......or is that bollocks :))

[Gee]

Oh, and I think folk try to hard to impress other folk rather than writing for themselves :)

[Davidgeo]

If you have something to say and the ability to write it, no, it's not bullocks. That's why we are here and not tweeting. . . we demand a little more substance (or at least long winded clever rhyming) And being humble with your talents is something I will never question; I will believe what you say unless heavily and objectively compelled otherwise. Anyway, we've been here for years... your sample size is more than enough to make certain assumptions "objectively". And not just from your poetry. The way you review others and engage in the comment sections betrays you to be an intellectual teddy bear with talent. I am very envious of that. Being automatically nice is one thing, but you include substance in almost everything you post. I'm usually stuck in "a*****e" mode... even if I like something. But I'm working on that.

[Gee]

Good thing about you is you're honest, a wee bit blunt for some people's liking, but I'd much prefer that to a two faced sweetie.
You're a good egg, enjoyable to chat to and enviously intelligent

[Davidgeo]

That's high praise. Thank my friend. I'm not actually that intelligent though, I just know how to seem like it. I'll take the compliment though, my self esteem could always use a little tune up.

[Davidgeo]

(I meant "thank you my friend".... see what I mean about the intelligence thing... I can even write a proper comment without an edit)

[Davidgeo]

*can't.... I can't

damn it.

[LazerRays]

This is a fun dscriptive poem about fall. Very enjoyable!
-sarah

[Gee]

Thank you SAP

[LazerRays]

Youre very welcom ;)

[emmajoy]

This is such a slow-moving, rippling pleasure to read! You have skills that too often hide behind laughs, dear man and now we all know that... your secret it out, strewn beautifully with descriptions and emotion and even still, that naughty little bit about the neighbour! (Long sentence, deep breath before continuing!)

You've rounded the lot here and now, if i close my eyes.. (watch for typos), can see what you've seen and described so well. Warm heart and acute thoughts in this one. Tried to find a favourite phrase or stanza, but it's all wonderful, can only say: don't change a word, sir Gee.

[Gee]

CHUFFED with a capital CH.
Even though I've been here for a while now, I still struggle with the fact that folk enjoy ( sometimes) my offerings, and that is in no way seeking praise or anything like that.
At the best of times I struggle with praise, so for one with your talent to find me okay to read is humbling.
I read and visit your page, often but mostly either lack total understanding or the words to adequately do justice to your writing....apologies.
I hope some modicum of normality, order, peace, has returned to your life EmmaJ.
Thank you kindly, take care.

[emmajoy]

Never feel awkward about receiving your due, Gee.
Think there's certainly a few of us that guess at the man behind the laughing lines you so often set. Any man who can write about his mother as you have - well, enough said! Holiday time is often the time to re-assess success!!

As for me - as you can tell, I blather!! Smiles to you all.

[Gee]

If you can't love, admire, respect your mum then what hope. If all men treated the woman that had agreed to let them share her life, the way ( hopefully) they treat their own mother, the world, especially for women, would be a far better place. As it is, far to many bullying, cowards putting themselves forward as men.
Now who's blathering !!

[emmajoy]

I couldn't agree more, dear friend. When I read of this and that hellish, my hackles rise! Believe me,
you blather well!


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