JESUS SAVES...

A conversation with a sandwich board wearing preacher.

The sandwich board around his neck read, JESUS SAVES

" Scuse me mate, yep, you. SAVED, your board should read, Jesus saved, not saves "

He looked at me blankly.

" He's dead, popped his clogs 2000 odd years ago, can't be saves, must be saved....past tense. "

Before he could answer I continued.

" And if he is saving, which, in my book he isn't because he's dead, what is it he is ? "

" Eh, he is what ? "

" Saving, what is it he is saving ? "

" Our soul "

" Oy, steady, no need for that , I'm only asking "

" No need for what ? "

" Calling me an arse hole "

" Our soul. I said our soul not arse hole "

" Oh, ok. So what is he saving our souls from ? "

Before he could answer two old ladies approached dressed in matching tweed ensembles, and smelling of lavender.

" Excuse me " the shorter, more rotund of the two said to the sandwich board man, " Could you please tell me where we might find a public toilet. It's just that Maisie ( she pointed at her friend ) has got a weak bladder, and if we don't find one shortly she'll be having an accident. The doctor puts it down to her not having done her pelvic floor exercises after having her 15 kids, that, and the fact she's recently had a prolapsed womb....it actually fell out whilst she was hanging her Arthur's smalls on the washing line."

" Jean, he doesn't need to know that " said the taller, thinner one.

" Anyway " the small round one continued, " I told her to ease it back in with a shoe horn, and then get Arthur to run her down to A&E. The same thing happened to my..." Sandwich board man interrupted.

" It's just down there on the left, next to I C Clearly, the opticians " he said curtly.

" Thank you" they said in unison before heading off through the bustling crowd.

Having now lost the impetus, the wish to continue our conversation, I turned to leave, but couldn't help myself.

" Just one more thing. You and your JESUS SAVING preaching is pretty much like sticking all of your money into a bank"

" Why ? "

" Because neither of them will attract much interest " I chuckled to myself.

Before he could answer I bid him a good day, and turned on my heels to leave, but not before being informed by a now agitated sandwich board man, that ducks cough.......well that's what it sounded like to me !!

Author's Note

Forgive me.......

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is hilarious! Especially the part before the old ladies show up (do old ladies really wear matching ensembles & perfumed with lavender?) There's some divine comedic writing there! The biddies are funny too but it does get a little prickly as you make us cringe *eeek!* If this is the kind of thing your idle mind thinks up, maybe you should consider staying a little busier! *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[Gee]

Lol. Most of the time I write in the hour before I leave for work.
Thank you for commenting.
Hope you are well

[Chris Shaw]

An amusing read Gee and your characters had strong images. I could imagine the setting very well. Loved how you rounded off the ending.

Chris

[Gee]

Thank you Christine

[Great Aunt Astri]

Oh, Good morning, what a wonderful story to read first thing in the morning! I enjoyed it and I am glad that it did not actually have a 'solution' except for the 'ducks cough!' Here I am, chuckling away, and will do so for the rest of the day as I get on with the housework! Thank you, Gee.

[Gee]

Thank you, have a good day

[Great Aunt Astri]

U 2, {: ..................

[Ken Simm.]

A sign pinned to a telegraph pole near where I live said, 'Are you steeped in sin?' Yes thanks for asking was my constant answer. I don't know.... it just seemed apropos. Nice and whimsical.

[Gee]

Sin and alcohol in my teenage years, and plenty of both.
Thank you Ken, hope you are well

[Lorry]

never trusted that dude Jesus. Looks like an unemployed hipster, but works for his dad, and we all know that they are the ones to avoid, cos they'll blame you when they balls things up.
I blame the liberal dad, if that was old testament dad, he would have kicked his arse.
I hear so many people shouting about our souls, its hard to keep up with them. Nicely done sir.

[Gee]

Cheers Lorry. More silliness