On A Balmy Summers Night

Just simple words

Shooting stars 'cross ink black sky
the pallid moon looked on,
a breeze roused sleeping summer leaves
but briefly, then was gone.

A fox bark echoed, trailed away
through spinny and beyond,
nothing stirred, the lillies slept
atop the night stilled pond.

'cross barleyed acres all at peace
through farmyard ever on,
silence played on balmy night
a symphony an' song.

'Til sunrise lit the eastern sky,
then man stirred, woke again,
serenaded soft to 'nother day
by bird calls sweet refrain.

How beautiful this life we live
what wonders to behold,
more beauty found in nature's gifts
than platinum and gold

Author's Note

Quickly written before toodling off to work...hopefully ok !! Have added 4th stanza, does it fit ???

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

oh yes, and the last stanza says so much ... wonderful!

[Desert Knave]

I like it. The rhyme and the content both spoke to me and I could easily see and hear the things you described.. Good job. ~Jim

[Gee]

Cheers Jim

[RhythmOfTheRiver]

It is awesome, you need not worry! =]

[Gee]

Cheers.....

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

i love your style and this picturesque poem
i love it, immensely
will be back shortly to read more

[Gee]

Thank you..

[Pam.]

excellent. I agree, partly, with emipoemi about the 4th line. I read it again with that in mind. It is the very kind of review I appreciate to myself. One that can help me rethink from anothers point of view. That said, line 4 also fits, since mankind is part of this planet of beauty (not just the destroyer of it as some believe). I tend to prefer the whole word (another) and allow the meter to falter slightly when necessary. Though I have also used forced contractions to make it feel right. He is merely stirring, so maybe that's worth a look - in addition to the word being used up between the foxes and lillies already. Anyway, nice wordcrafting!

[Gee]

Thank you kindly

[Nigel Newman]

Came to this via Discover Gee, and I like it very much. You have captured a mood, and the gentle rhythm of the meter almost gives it a Betjeman-type ambience. You have some lovely descriptive lines. I especially like:
- A fox bark echoed, trailed away, through spinny and beyond
- 'cross barleyed acres all at peace
- How beautiful this life we live (some vague distant memory of this sceptred isle or crown ...?)

I thought the an' after symphony was a bit odd, however, and I also thought that the meter (or lack of) in the 'serenaded' line jarred things a bit.

Very nice work!

BRs Nigel

[Gee]

Thanks Nigel, will have a look when time and try to polish

[emipoemi]

This is a beautiful piece of poetry with a Wordsworthian vibe (à la "Lines Written in Early Spring"....only at night). The imagery is powerful, and the flow is relatively mellifluous. ¡Fantastic! You ask whether the 4th stanza fits, now that merely depends on how one looks at it. For it's yes and no, but to me it's heavy on the "no". The "yes" factor is that Man is in their own way a part of nature, so to appear in the poem is good. But their presence is undermined by the fact that they're not described as doing anything but "stirring", which doesn't say much. Furthermore, with the title containing "night", to speak about "day" entirely in one stanza would imply a finale, which is kind of undermined and at the same time undermines what you have already as the final stanza. Were "day" to only be mentioned at the end of the stanza, it would work better (and find some other way to incorporate Man). Otherwise, I'd strike the stanza altogether, for the stanzas 1, 2, 3, and 5 paint a good enough picture that doesn't require more to be said.

[Gee]

Thank you for such an in depth review

[emipoemi]

you're very welcome.

[Maxwell Ryder]

And moreover, hardly simple.

[Gee]

Thanks Maxwell

[Maxwell Ryder]

Good stuff, Gee. Love it. Enjoyed.

[Hi]

Simple and gentle metaphor; a pleasant read. Thanks.

[Gee]

Cheers Matt