Shattered dreams on bloodied sheets

Just another notch on the bedpost

She succumbed to perfected charm
from a honey coated tongue,
each lie to her a beautiful truth
by the louche, pitch perfect sung.

He knew another notch was carved,
the fourth glass of wine his knife,
a small room booked in a small hotel
where she'd dream of being his wife.

She gave the thing she most held dear
early mornings light brought shame,
her virginity lost to a would be Prince
him now a frog without a name.

Her shattered dreams and fairy tales
on the sheets in blood loud said,
" the frog he bought your innocence
with cheap words and cheaper red "

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm not sure if the blood on the sheets comes from giving up her virginity, or if there is something more sinister going on in this small motel room!?!?! Either way, it makes for a spooky sparking of the reader's imagination. Your writing is well-done with good rhyme & rhythm & vivid metaphors. This makes for an intense warning about giving away any of our tender parts to some near-stranger in the night! I like the way this can be interpreted in a number of ways.

[Gee]

Thank you Miss B

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed a scoundrel to hoodwink an innocent girl just to claim the prize of her virginity. There is a lilting air to this one with a sardonic closing couple of lines!

[Gee]

Based on my "bad me" past I'm ashamed to say :(
Cheers John

[KWP]

yeah well it happens !!! Depends how this now non-virgin goes forth to conquer her own world. So many people are owned buy their experiences - instead of them owning the experience for themselves.

I hate cheap red wine - makes my lips go black!

I like the fact that you wrote about a male in such a way. I'm just wondering though, if she held her virginity so dearly why did she give it up so easily?

It's all to common for the naive young lass that's for sure ... nice write my friend XXX

[Gee]

Good morning and thank you.

[Askew]

I actually got a little teary eyed while reading this because I could relate so much, it hit very close to home, especially with the mention of blood on the sheets. It's very beautifully written, and seems so real and painful.

[Gee]

Thank you Lexi

[Chris Shaw]

An all too frequent tale. Plenty of cads out there and silly girls as well. Well related Gee.

Chris

[Gee]

Indeed there are. Thank you Christine, flying back tomorrow afternoon :((

[Wild Rose]

Wonder how many have used frogs

Now I understand > An ex gf's sis said I was worth a frog

[Gee]

A few ex girlfriends have said I was worthless.
Cheers

[Nicole]

Wow, just wow. this beautiful, albeit a little dark. I loved you word choice here, "the fourth glass of wine his knife." LOL, is it weird, that it's probably my favorite line? The audience is instantly washed over in images of red, and the glint, of a sharp, silver blade. I also love how it's third person, but the reader feels the female's pain acutely. Very well done.

[Gee]

Thank you Nicole

[Alfred Kukitz]

heartfelt, sincere, metaphors rendered in excellence! bravo!

regards,
al

[Gee]

Thank you Al

[Lovecraft]

This poem reminds me of Indie Rokkers by MGMT. Oh, the mistakes we make when we are naive and young.

[Gee]

Hmmmm, tell me about it. Cheers

[Desiree O'Neal]

This was really good, It had me hooked the whole way through the story.

[Gee]

Thank you..