Twelve Shoes

A slow walk with pallbearers.

Black filled the pews
not one head raised
each bowed as if in prayer,
twelve shoes
six steps in unison
slow bore their reason there.

Down aged flags
that echoed loud
off stone and ancient glass,
these men of death
clad dark as night
heartbroken lines did pass.

As footsteps stilled
amazing Grace
through oaken beams soared high,
grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why"

Then silence reigned
the air hung still
lost love they gently laid,
twelve shoes they bowed
then took their leave
having last respects thus paid.

RIP Ray Board
A true gentleman

Author's Note

Dipping a toe in the solemn, been a while. If any ideas to improve feel free, I'm always willing to learn. Thank you
2nd stanza to be changed perhaps
Flags are flagstones, slabs of stone

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

The final curtain closing is always the worse at funerals, usually when the crying starts.
You portray it well.

[Gee]

Thanks Paul

[Lorry]

A beautiful portrayal of the sadness we have all felt, while taking that never ending procession of grief, with shoulder weighted, as well as heart and mind. Superbly captured Gee.

[Gee]

Cheers Nemo

[Jade]

very vivid imagery in this write, I enjoyed the wording.

[Gee]

Cheers, appreciate the review

[Einstein Noodle]

nice job! solemnity throughout ..i like the form and cadence ...i am terrible in the use of punctuation and the commas do their job as well as your end point at the last line of each verse ..but i would venture a guess some of the commas are not necessary or should be end points as well ...but i am not one to talk as i typically solve that problem by leaving all punctuation off ..coward that i am ;} this line is giving my trouble understanding "off seen it all stained glass," ...?? the perspective your poem takes from the angle of the shoes is creative ...original ...i love it ...i have buried too many family and friends ... one of my aunts passed yeas ago and i finally had to say no to bear her casket ...i had done it too many times ..my cousins all understood ... and thank the Lord i have not been asked since ... i like my spot in a back pew ... private with my own thoughts and grief ... love your poem ..it shows the respect we should all have when another human being passes over .. nice one!
E.

[Gee]

Hi EN, have tried to remove a few commas, my punctuation is dire, sorry. The stained glass query, just trying to say that although this may be new to those mourning, the church has seen it oh so many times, and I've probably failed !! Thank you for your review and insight into the subject taken on. Very much appreciated. Cheers

[Einstein Noodle]

ahhhhhh the echos are bouncing off it ..i get it!! eureka!! ;)

[Gee]

LOL, have altered to hopefully make it a wee bit clearer

[Einstein Noodle]

:) .................

[andrew mitchell]

Images of carrying the casket came to mind with your solid imagery, lucky for me my family is more into urns! Must be the barbecue that does this!! Nice write cobber!

[Gee]

LOL, can just imagine you on a spit, with two of yer mates, dressed brightly as harlequins, slowly turning the handles whilst basting you with Fosters. Cheers Andrew

[andrew mitchell]

lol Cheers Gee . No not Fosters thats cheap plonk! Coopers pale ale!

[Gee]

I didn't realise you moved in such lofty circles, I will forthwith call you sir, and scrape and bow at your feet....

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Gordon Lightfeet!!