Twelve Shoes

A slow walk with pallbearers.

Black filled the pews
not one head raised
each bowed as if in prayer,
twelve shoes
six steps in unison
slow bore their reason there.

Down aged flags
that echoed loud
off stone and ancient glass,
these men of death
clad dark as night
heartbroken lines did pass.

As footsteps stilled
amazing Grace
through oaken beams soared high,
grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why"

Then silence reigned
the air hung still
lost love they gently laid,
twelve shoes they bowed
then took their leave
having last respects thus paid.

RIP Ray Board
A true gentleman

Author's Note

Dipping a toe in the solemn, been a while. If any ideas to improve feel free, I'm always willing to learn. Thank you
2nd stanza to be changed perhaps
Flags are flagstones, slabs of stone

Reviews

[Molly Anna]

This is very deep. The vein of sadness flows through each line here.
Very melancholy.
The poem demonstrates a traditional 'last rites' sort of ceremony. However, I don't see any hope written...was that on purpose?
Is there none to give? Is the last thing we can really do is pay our last respects, and then ask a simple why? before going on with the rest of our lives?
Don't get me wrong, you did a marvelous job with this poem, and the emotions are very real, and very true, I'm just wondering if the picture you've painted is a 'limited version of something bigger', or reality.

[Gee]

Not a religious bone in my body so death for me is final, either worm food or ashes. Two other poems with hope and celebration of life are, " Give me to the summers breeze" and " A mothers passing"
Thank you kindly for the RR

[Katseye]

you paint the scene well...I like it just as you've written it.

[Gee]

Thank you..

[Seeker]

"...grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why" . Death, ever the mysterious stranger for the living, and ever naive on dying. So true!

[Gee]

Thank you for visiting

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Your Author's note answered my only question. Very well painted picture of the cerimony of grief.

[Gee]

Cheers....

[emipoemi]

Very solemn indeed. And very eerie narrative of a funeral procession, at that. Well done!

[Gee]

Thank you...

[Bear]

Critique: (that echoed cold) coldly - The adjective "cold" is modifying "echoed" instead of a noun or pronoun.

Review: Interesting topic, it is not often I get to read something about pallbearers and I love reading something so creative and originally imaginative Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Gee]

Cheers Bear, change made...

[MCS]

Well done, felt these words deeply

[Gee]

Cheers, appreciate the review

[Lou]

Really moving poem beautifully written , love the twelve shoes analogy.

[Gee]

Cheers Lou, glad you enjoyed the read.

[Great Aunt Astri]

No, i don't think you should change the 2nd Stanza. It is 'dark' but then so is death! And it has a solemn but satisfactory end. and , yes indeed, 'why' ... perhaps the music in the oaken beams is all we need to know! Enjoyed your poem

[Gee]

Thank you Aunty

[emily.c.]

beautiful. I almost cried remembering the last funeral I went to. You captured the air perfectly and the certain sense of sadness and helplessness, with dignity and respect. I liked this a lot.

[Gee]

Thank you..