My final breath, a sigh

Accepting the inevitable

I had neither time nor patience
and this I so relayed,
annoyance being the tone I used
but still the stranger stayed.

I bid him sit if stay he must
offering him a chair,
this he declined without a word
but with a steely glare.

That chilled my bones to marrows core
withering my very soul,
a shadow crossing o'er my heart
a shadow black as coal.

It was then I knew my time was his
he'd called to still the hands,
to lead me from this mortal coil
and to the promised lands.

So silently I left with him
my final breath a sigh,
of sadness that my life was done
and this my time to die...

Reviews

[BBP]

I liked how you portrayed the reaper as an annoying stranger.... clever, clever!

I enjoyed this one Gee.

[Gee]

Cheers. I get the impression that more and more elderly folk view death more as an inconvenience rather than something to be feared. It's as if they're all to busy to die.
Hope all is well in BBP world and life is treating you well.

[BBP]

Yeah it's already, I haven't been inconvenience with death lately so I'm doing good! ;)

read moreYeah it's already, I haven't been inconvenience with death lately so I'm doing good! ;)

Hope everything's on the upside on your end as well.

[andrew mitchell]

Its only a game of cricket! Its not the end all be all scenario theres still some tests to go then take your last breath

[Gee]

Lol, I know it's gonna get worse.

[andrew mitchell]

Being an Aussie I can only hope cos when we play you guys in England, the pitches are tailored made for our defeat, just saying lol

[Gee]

If the ball doesn't ing were shagged....snowing ere....I HATE SNOW

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Rage, rage against the dying of the light”...no-one gets out of this place alive...this a dark, eloquent, beautifully laid poem with great form, wordage, cadence, rhyme. The metaphor of the reaper paying a final visit “he’d called to still the hands”- brilliant work Gee!

[Gee]

Thank you Annette

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are welcome!

[J. B.]

This is beautifully written, and strongly reminds me of "Because I Could Not Stop For Death" by Emily Dickinson

the simple meter adds complexity to the piece as well, and the colorful language was thoroughly enjoyed in this. I look forward to reading more of your work. Feel free to check some of my stuff out as well if you get a chance :)

[Gee]

Will do. Cheers JB

[Inkh(e)art]

Awesome poem! I really like the underlying darkness that starts from the beginning. Keep up the good work!

[Gee]

Cheers....

[Zugzwang]

I enjoyed reading this ballad; it reminded me of Emily Dickinson in structure and in subject (she was obsessed with death, as I've no doubt you're aware). Nice to see that you managed to stick to the conventions of the form (alternating tetrameter and trimeter), as this is rare and takes discipline.

[Gee]

Thank you. The form is just pot luck, I write and read back just to ensure that the piece is not to "clunky"

[Tom]

That anonymous visitor will call with us all at some point or another, and his entreat is a one way ticket to wherever?

Marvellously moribund and foreboding, loved it!!

[Gee]

Thank you Tom

[Servant]

Beautiful
I have to write at least 25 words but beautiful is all I have.

[Gee]

Thank you..

[Wajiha Nayeem]

this so good and so wonderful to read!

[Gee]

Thank you...