A Minor Manifesto

How to write fiction. You can also find this on my DeviantArt page, Gedalya-Inc

If you want to write good fiction, listen up:

I've often heard that writers are liars.
The people who say such things are morons.
It's okay.
Say it with me:
"Morons"
It's nice, right?

So, to write good fiction you must be honest.
Be honest with yourself, after all everyone around you wants to ignore or bash or steal from you.
Or god, even worse. . . flatter you.
Eww.

Forget everything they tell you.
It's lies.
Do you like being lied to?
Well, that's you. . .
Me, I live in the wilderness and I watch, listen, think and feel.

I've lived long enough to know that I don't like "Drauma"

If you want to write good fiction throw drauma out the window, and then drop an anchor on it.
It's garbage.
You don't need it.

Write about Trauma instead.

Find a character like yourself.
(It's easy, just masturbate in your mind 2,000 times a day so that you get rid of all the junk, and produce someone worth a damn)
There you go.

Break him into bits and make him pick up the pieces, if he does.
Great.
You have a comedy.
If he can't.
Wonderful.
You have a tragedy.

Now, what is so hard about this?

Oh, so-and-so can't get through college.
Sad.
Let me cry about it.
Boo-hoo.

How about so-and-so has his whole life falling apart?
Sounds great right?
Guess what?
There ain't no magical fairy godmother, messiah or superman to save him.

Be a sadist.

If you do all of this, do it spontaneously.
Don't plot this and that and blah blah blah. . .
Sit down, stamp it onto a screen or stab it on paper.
Do it, without thinking or care.
Oh, you're scared?
Why?
You won't get published?
Guess what?
Van Gogh made thousands of paintings and didn't sell one.
He killed himself.
Overnight fame.
Don't worry about it.
Besides, who can criticize you?
Look around.
There is plenty to laugh at.

Don't worry about being acknowledged.
In the end, we all die and so will this planet and all of it will be erased.
So who cares?
Write about it.
Write it so you can get a move on with life.
Write whatever pisses you off or whatever makes you smile or cry or all of them at the same time like sneezing and farting at the same time.

What is the theme?

Where is the setting?

Blah, blah, blah. . .

Who cares?

It's up s**t's creek.

It's about s**t's creek.

There you go.

Don't complicate things.

You are a walking, breathing museum.

Show off all your anachronisms.

Human history isn't linear and neither should a story be.

So, did you learn anything insightful about storytelling or human nature or about me?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But a good answer is always like a riddle.
It comes as a rhetorical question

Human nature ain't bad, neither are books or hell, even me.

It's everyone else.

Remember that.

Because they make you suffer.

Now go put it on paper.

And always remember little refugee that the pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink.
Keep lots of ink.
And therefore, never stop learning or experiencing life.

By the way, have fun learning how to format a story for a publisher.
You're better off not writing at all.

There you go, service with a smile.
Have a nice day.
I'm done.
I'm out.
This is where I drop the mic.

There it goes.
Audios.

Author's Note

This is not a story.
Stories are circular.
This isn't circular.