Waiting at a Station

Imagine yourself meat shoved into an oven

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Mutual suffocation from human gasses

Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens

Body heat raging from ten-to-the-dozen

Brown paper packages tied-up with string

And two-per-square-foot of us are heaps of molasses

These are a few of my favourite things

Waiting at a station; a platform and a sign

A cattle truck of luggage and carcasses

Gasping for air and begging for water

A soldier came by and offered to trade

He took money and jewels - mother's diamond ring

These were nothing to throats as dry as a blade

And desiccated lives that were deaths to be made

He pocketed our payment and moved off down the track

"Yes, yes! I'll bring you water," he jovially said

But he never came back

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

You could never tell children who just want to play

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

The past is the past and has nothing to say

Silver white winters that melt into springs

I'll journey with the future, but never by train

These are a few of my favourite things

And I'll live for the present, for it never comes again

Reviews

[Crowley]

Christ....dude you made me tear up on this one....is that what you wanted? Not gonna stop until Rowley cries? This is so perfect and so sad, and so cool and so so good. This is a winner my friend, this above all needs to get out to the masses, I so wish to hell I would have came up with this, but I am not good enough. Master class is now in session. I bow and surrender my f*****g pen.

[Andrew Rayne]

Brilliantly devastating. A heart wrenching moment of terror and loss, you captured it well. More than well, it was very elegantly scripted. It is pieces such as these that I love the most, and I shall tell you it does not happen to often. At first read you just imagine tragedy at its most mundane form. It wasn't a hard thing to do, however we do not truly understand that which we have never experienced. Thankfully a second look through, with careful examination reveals a depth to the magnitude. "Mother's diamond ring, these were nothing to throats as dry as a blade."
It's a look into the lines behind the lines, that sometimes we miss out of sheer ignorance. We don;t want to imagine throats so dry air sliced at them like a knife. Or millions of body selling treasures for dirty water and bread so soggy it slipped through their fingers, or even nothing. It's painful and you captured it well.

I usually offer some sort of opinionated critique on the matter, since we are all in need of editing. However, I shall leave this be, since the ideal of it all is that torture and terror... are never quite finished are they? Beautifully written my friend.

[Devons]

Thank you very much indeed. It's refreshing when someone reviews from your library rather than the profile writing. This is part of my history as a writer as well as a part of real history.
You chose what many people have believed to be one of my best poems.

PS as for us all needing editing, I would disagree. I don't publish anything until it is comprehensively edited. In fact, I edit as a I write anyway. No one has yet convinced me that I need to edit anything.

[Andrew Rayne]

Of course. :) And I meant personally, as individuals we are all in need of editing.

[Devons]

Aha! Yes. I see what you mean. The words "critique" and "editing" ring alarm bells with me sometimes.

[Andrew Rayne]

Not to worry. And again, marvelous poem. I can really see why it is your best work.

[Devons]

I thank you. That's what people say. My own opinion may differ.

[Nathan HUelsbeck]

tops

[Doreen]

Wow. This is a haunting write. I just see a sky filled with ash, and somber, terrified faces staring and confused. Damn. I'm going to have to look at pictures of cuddly kittens before I go to sleep. ;) This is a fantastic write. Very well done.

[Tony]

A horrifying image, eloquently presented.
I love the interchange between nursery rhymes and reality.
(now why don't I think of things like that?)
This poem makes me think that not one intellectual on this planet can afford one single luxury, until all the children are smiling.
Again.
Powerful Poetry, Author.

[JENY]

Beautiful…..
Just beautiful…
The phrase that touched me…
“Desiccated life”
Your choices of words and phrases…
Depicts…very attractive picture….
On your theme…

[alesuriko]

This is possibly one of the most brilliant things I've ever read. Such a wonderful parody you've made and the way you interwove it into your own poem to add it to your own purpose. The imagery here is so haunting and chilling, a true work of art. The atmosphere and setting, are perfect and bring this to such an existentialist and decadent form of life. I was somehow reminded of "The Wars" by Timothy Findley. Probably because of the war setting and the black and white quality to the scenery (at least that's how I pictured it in my mind, like a black and white photograph or film) and the general depressing nature of the piece. Truly one of the best poems I have ever read. Well done sir.

[A.Lee]

This is excellent. A very strong, yet painfully sad poem. I love the incorporation of the "Favorite Things" song into it. It gave it the feeling of wanting to be happy and care-free, yet not quite reaching it. The second stanza was so hard hitting, the backbone, so to speak, of the rest of the poem. And I love the last four lines. Excellent work. One of my favorites.

[c.m.]

I think this is one of the best pieces of poetry I have ever read in my life. I love that the middle stanza has no rhyme or reason, it almost makes the ones that do perfection. I love the way the song is weaved into the poem, and you have done an outstanding job with this one. It's almost haunting, in such a delicious way.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
You could never tell children who just want to play
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
The past is the past and has nothing to say

Now THAT is simple genius,. The interweaving of the girls in white dresses and the children who just want to play l,ine couldn't have fit more perfectly together. I think we can all agree we wish we came up with this one first. I know I wish I had. This is stunning.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

This is one of the best works I have read of yours. It's so haunting that I can feel the images you are portaying burning, continually burning in my mind. I usually don't recommend using adverbs to describe how someone is speaking, but jovially adds something here. It's maybe the only spot I would criticize, because I could see you personifying his voice instead of saying this simply. Yet, as I have said, it does work. I love that you chose these lyrics as an echo to what the other voice in the poem is saying. You have true talent that I'm always happy to see you don't waste. Thank you for sharing this. I wish I could write more, but I'm not sure how to describe how this poem touched me.

[alan peter kelly]

wonderful juxtaposition...a chilling parody...the purest of evils coated like castor sugar on s**t....strong / chilling images and inventive contradiction...will read again and look forward to reading more of your work...