Drizzle In Doncaster

Waiting, soaked to the skin, no room in the shelter

for that miserable little bus, the nation's little helper

to pull you out from this day of grey

this dreary alternative to the Book of Revelations

Judgement is the cold, studied drizzle

and the silent resignations

that this is life and this is real

and this is God's way.

Heading home on the bus-seat, slithering damp against your legs

the reeking scent of sweat from humanity's dregs

him coughing, her sneezing, anonymous wheezing

recovering from existence and another day of business

longing for the fire-side and little kettle boiling

the closest you will come to Biblical forgiveness

thus, the only Heaven that you can imagine

this, the only Hell you know, numbing and freezing.

And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room

the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb

foetally-curled, warmed against the world

the false, loving sense of your own security

dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes

callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity

but innocence is bliss one day

the next, to be unfurled.

And as you smear the condensation to peer through dirty glass

and crack a smile at the smutty world and filthy blurs that pass

you think all God can teach you is how to survive

not how to kick and not how to thrive

but to buckle and bend

and just stay alive.

Reviews

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

Oh!!!..now this was so so good,I am in awe..the stanza that i just adored..
And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room
the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb
foetally-curled, warmed against the world
the false, loving sense of your own security
dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes
callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity
but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
I liked the entire stanza,but undoubtedly the line that is going to linger on my mind long after this read has to be the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb..now that is one very very well thought out phrase,so lovely and so tender...
There is something so strong,so subtly melancholic and yet so undeniable about those words.How innocence has a small shelf life..unless we are happy to have a semblance to an ostrich,with its head in the sand.I liked the way there was an apt break in the lines,but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
Your poem stands out as whole and also as single words and phrases for everything is so perfect and chosen with such care.

[Ruth]

I love this Devons, love :)
You have taken me on a journey that reminds me of how I felt like last night lol
The rain and wind was immense here last night and curled as you say "foetally-curled" in bed, I couldn't help wondering about the "false" security I gained from being sheltered from it lol

Life is a struggle, all is included in this great poem, the intensity of the world and yet the struggling, realisticday to day existence, awesome!
xx

[sharonlee]

I really like this...conjures up fantasic mind-images...and honestly portrays how the writer is feeling...

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

oh god.. this brought back everything i hate about Vancouver winters.. *sigh* we're in the height of summer and you just made my spine crinkle at the thought of what is to come *cries*

seriously tho.. this is a tremendous piece of vivid imagery and powerful word choice. you brought me with you, tucked into the slimey disgusting bus seat next to you.. melancholy and yet, it feels hopeful to me for reasons i can't define..

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Well again you have written a helluva poem .. I can picture the scene .. hear the people all around ...
I thought of Pink Floyd ' when i come home cold and tired it's good to rest my bones beside the fire'.. when you wrote :

"longing for the fire-side and little kettle boiling
the closest you will come to Biblical forgiveness
thus, the only Heaven that you can imagine
this, the only Hell you know, numbing and freezing".

Maybe you are right God teaches only survival oh, and to me, love.

Smearing condensation to look through a dirty glass cracking a smile at the smutty world ... very distinct and vivid as is the entire poem of our human existence in this world today.
A hot cup and a fire to warm our only payment ... as it sometimes is ..

Wonderful poem so very descriptive and 'real'.

Chloe

[munkiC munkiDU]

This is a brilliant poem, very well constructed with a really easy flow. Love the part about the busses. Reminds me what there is to love about public transport. Nothing, lol. ^.^

[Crowley]

You never cease to amaze me. This is really good and I could feel and smell every morsel of what was being described and the discomfort that comes with those descriptions. Your hit on the security of adolescence, while such a perfect point (especially here), will still fall on deaf ears I believe because experience is the only employee that God has hired as a teacher. I always enjoy reading your stuff...this is definitely no exception. Bringing me the world in full HD.

[.]

"longing for the fire-side and little kettle boiling
the closest you will come to Biblical forgiveness
thus, the only Heaven that you can imagine
this, the only Hell you know, numbing and freezing."

...Wow-wow my friend--the mood is perfect in this-
like a rainy day--Judgment of every day life mood!!!
Really--this is a excellent piece of poetry!!!
..and the imagery is just wonderful-superb!!!
--love these last lines...

"you think all God can teach you is how to survive
not how to kick and not how to thrive
but to buckle and bend
and just stay alive."
---just a magnificent poem!!!
I Love It!!!

james:-)