Drizzle In Doncaster

Waiting, soaked to the skin, no room in the shelter

for that miserable little bus, the nation's little helper

to pull you out from this day of grey

this dreary alternative to the Book of Revelations

Judgement is the cold, studied drizzle

and the silent resignations

that this is life and this is real

and this is God's way.

Heading home on the bus-seat, slithering damp against your legs

the reeking scent of sweat from humanity's dregs

him coughing, her sneezing, anonymous wheezing

recovering from existence and another day of business

longing for the fire-side and little kettle boiling

the closest you will come to Biblical forgiveness

thus, the only Heaven that you can imagine

this, the only Hell you know, numbing and freezing.

And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room

the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb

foetally-curled, warmed against the world

the false, loving sense of your own security

dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes

callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity

but innocence is bliss one day

the next, to be unfurled.

And as you smear the condensation to peer through dirty glass

and crack a smile at the smutty world and filthy blurs that pass

you think all God can teach you is how to survive

not how to kick and not how to thrive

but to buckle and bend

and just stay alive.

Reviews

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

Oh!!!..now this was so so good,I am in awe..the stanza that i just adored..
And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room
the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb
foetally-curled, warmed against the world
the false, loving sense of your own security
dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes
callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity
but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
I liked the entire stanza,but undoubtedly the line that is going to linger on my mind long after this read has to be the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb..now that is one very very well thought out phrase,so lovely and so tender...
There is something so strong,so subtly melancholic and yet so undeniable about those words.How innocence has a small shelf life..unless we are happy to have a semblance to an ostrich,with its head in the sand.I liked the way there was an apt break in the lines,but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
Your poem stands out as whole and also as single words and phrases for everything is so perfect and chosen with such care.

[Narnie]

I came across this quite by accident - it's exceptionally good. So much so that I searched writers and writing to find it again after I logged in. I hope he/she had a cup of hot chocolate waiting for them when they got home and the world looked a brighter place, although I know myself that it drizzles quite a lot in Doncaster. :)

[Robin]

its not just your mastery of language that i admire , but the nuance of humanity you are ever alert to .

[Abandoned_Night_Dreamer]

Awesome word usage, I liked the flow of the vocabulary that you chose, very nice

[Talkativeted]

A poem to be admired. Fantastic use of image to portray the bleakness. I apsolutely love this.

[R J Askew]

Bravo, cracking title. It put its arm around me and said, 'Step inside, read me.' Wet/miserable/grey/dreary/cold/drizzle ... yes, that is life methinks, but once we know that it brightens up. I esp like the lines towards the end 'And as you smear ... And crack a smile ...' You see how things are and still smile. I can see that moment.

[JENY]

I liked the feel of the poem…
It carries a lot of inner meanings….
That lay intricate between the lines….
Amazing….

[R E Tree]

I was surrounded by beautiful imagery all through the poem . I saw the scene of a bus coming to a shelter it was well described and easy to picture but got me thinking deeply about it. I felt like was something to do with the misery of life and I could relate to it. Your words flow nicely I adore your choice of words. Overall I think your very inspiring writer and everytime it comes to reading your work my mind gets blown away

[Ladysue]

This is amazingly done. The harsh reality of life you capture in such fine detail. Life can indeed be such a struggle. The last verse is phenomenal...excellent writing...

[JC]

damn...this reminded me of many a bus ride through grimy east hastings streets of vancouver, comforting thought to know another soul that ponders and observes along those smutty routes...an intensely drawing read, very well versed, raw and real..