Down To The Hollow

Blood, blood, vainglorious blood

Russet-rivered tracks in molasses of mud

Follow me, follow

down to the hollow

and wallow.

Inglorious blood.

Carcasses, carts, lost tins and innards

Bully-beef guts of squashed caterpillars

Urine-dried khaki and trench-foot stench

Rain-soaked sweat in a gangrene clench

More slugs than snails or puppy-dog tails

And the gloom of a thousand grey Mondays.

Never once taught in a decade of Sundays

In a church-load of sermons and sunny fete fun-days

Of marching Christian goodness, brass bands side-by-side

Soldiers of children played war-games and died

No pride denied for the village green military

And their clockwork performance for the boys'-toys artillery.

Though you may shield your eyes and remember those sighs

As the shells cracked Hoorahs! to the cheers and the cries

It's the glimpse of a sun-ray through mustard-smoked skies

It's the tragedy of loss, of innocence to lies

The rotting-cabbage smell of the flesh and the flies

Where no one is winning and anyone dies.

You're a coward, you're a killer

You're a saviour, you're a death

A knee-jerk reaction and a wasted breath

You can pray for salvation to your God in His heaven

But in one day you'll ruin what He did in seven.

Reviews

[Abdul Aziz]

Well, I'm wondering what I should say that Augustus already hasn't! I do not usually indulge in praising without giving reasons.
But I have to say that this is simply the best poem I've read on the Cafe so far.
I've recommended it to as many friends as I could.
And I just can't stop reading it. There are so many emotions, so many images conveyed with such an awesome sense of rhythm, it is just mind boggling!
100/100 , if you ask me.

[Ladysue]

You are a sharp shooter with words indeed. A highly descriptive piece with an accurate message. Love those last lines... Awesome work...

[J.P. Bristow]

???????????Seriously where have you been....What words...what a poem...I am ashamed to have never read you before and what an introduction to your work. I could smell it....taste it and it made me gag and wish for the comfort of clean dry socks....I am loving the tempo of this work and know how well it would read aloud...here's hoping you've already read it at an open mic night. Well done and into my favorites.

[Ed Hart]

you got one of those AK47s that shoot words

[J. Randall Dodd]

devons,

i enjoyed your work very much. i like the end especially, very nice wrap up. i understand the reasoning for it, but i think the poem would have an even more solemn impact to it if you left out the celebration parts. i know, i know, it helps with the decrying of war and your own personal take on war, but in my opinion, and in my reading, it only serves to take me from the horrid battlefield images to ones of a celebration. the impact is lessened by the inability to given time to focus on the battle scene. like i said, it's only my opinion.

i don't want you thinking that i am in some way not appreciative of the beauty and talent displayed in this work. i am in fact very taken by the work and enjoyed the read. i'm just giving my critique. there is no offense intended. just some ideas from a colleague to bounce around inside your head maybe. later.

sincerely,
jr

[Alessander]

rarely do I say this, but this was GREAT! I just finished suggesting Wilfred Owen, and I see a lot of him in this...the "green" imagery, like in his "gangrene" gas, gurgling and wounds really work because usually green is thought of as something natural, peaceful, and reproductive, but WAR is anything but, esp in the mechanized trenches of WWI. The rhymes themselves again remind me of Owen, and are masterfully and subtly layered through out, I esp like the artillery/military rhyme. The tone is a bit more sarcastic and biting though, like a Sassoon piece, ending with the almost aphoristic heroic couplet. There are too many good lines to cut and paste to point out, but this is getting a rare 99 in my books...I would give a 100, which I never have, but I'm sure if I keep re-reading I'll find something I would change lol

[Elizabeth]

"A knee-jerk reaction and a wasted breath"

Oh. My. God. I'm adding this to my favorites most assuredly. A wonderful piece. Every single line and word had purpose, carved a precise image and set of emotions. I honestly don't have words for how much this piece did for me. Enchanting and a very accurate description of how many atrocious acts humans can commit but still cover them in a God band-aid and pretend it's for a good cause. No murder is a good cause. "You're a coward" --I agree immensely. Those in their Sunday dresses have no idea how terrible war and murder is. They're blind to the destruction. The last stanza is a punch in the face. A masterpiece.

Brilliant, thoughtful poem :)

[The Analog Kid]

Great ending. Very dark, with many truths of war. Very apt descriptions of ugliness and gruesome remnants of war.

[zombiikillah666]

whoa!!!!!!!!
*gives you sour gummies*
this was really good and
intense. xD
your the bestest. (=

[just rose.]

Wow. This is brilliant. Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon are applauding.