okay, this is going into my favorites, like, right now. :) it's very beautiful... there is just a delicate sensitivity about it that immediately speaks to me... that last stanza leaves me speechless ('fly away peter, fly away paul' = is there such a thing as religious romanticism because that line is fantastic)... today i overheard someone say 'the universe doesn't give a s**t about us' -- i think you're saying the same thing here, just in a more gentle, intricately woven way... wonderful rumination on the frailty and transience of life. total love.
(ehh, just reread what i wrote, and sorry if i sound off, i'm very tired... to bed nao. bye.)
At first I thought that the butterfly represented life in general, but after reading it again. The line "Flawless, yet fragile, a glorious sight" kept gnawing at my head. Now, personally I think that the butterfly represents the life of a loved one, a mate, a brother, a sister, etc..whom in our eyes is flawless. Personally I think that this poem is telling us that life is short, we should enjoy the butterflies while they last, and our own life as well.
A perfect score! and please correct me if I'm wrong!
awesome piece of poetry...besides several plots of sublime imagery, once again i found this piece culminating in something utterly philosophical and that gets the reader intrigued....leaves a long impact on reader's mind...when i finished reading this one, i felt kind of an impulsive compulsion to go through it again.. it's just so marvelous... awesome.. :)
Stuck in a cobweb, caught in a net
Energy burnt like a quick cigarette
Blood-letting, conflict, deep-red in debt
A gamble of moments
have to say, that was particularly brilliant. btw, the casual feel to the end was nice too... sort of like.. hey there, you're alive, i'm alive, we'll soon all be dead, so there's not much use worrying about it.
WOW, this was so imaginative and just simply beautiful. unlike your other stuff I think this one had a simpler rhyme scheme, but it really worked well with the poem.
really really, truly did enjoy this one.
Brilliant. Very imaginative. And the rhyme scheme is impeccable. You've described the metaphor very creatively.
"Stuck in a cobweb, caught in a net
Energy burnt like a quick cigarette"
Easily the most sonorous lines in the poem. Infact, the most sonorous lines I've read anywhere for quite some time now.
"A beat of the wings
Then it's death to us all".
You've just put what it is like to be alive, in a nutshell.
" stuck in a cobweb, caught in a net
Energy burned like a quick cigarette."
these lines are brilliant, this is one of the best writes i read in a while. its smooth has great rhyme and not one of those poems which make your head spin.
Now I'm not much of a poetry guy, but I can say this is a real good one. Real awesome description, this paints a pretty nice picture in my mind. I like it, keep up the great work.
this was a gorgeous piece. really soft and subtle but full of great imagery and detail. great use of rhymes. you managed to choose just the right words to help your poem be its absolute best. great read. keep it up!
WE BREAK ACROSS THESE TRAM LINES I DRAW
by Haz
I draw them with lines of reflections through their steps
enough space between them
for your space.. more..