Splash The Ash

It lights my way; to me, a cure

But chain-link of some ‘said’ disease

Narcotic, fuming-scent, allure

But sure to bring me to my knees.

 

Crack the carton! Splash the ash!

Deal the tubes, and up & torch ‘em!

Read the science, do the math

Heed the warnings: die with caution.

 

The surge of life, it feeds me

With poison, but if need be

I’ll suck it up within this shell

My body, not soul, is going to hell.

 

Its spark is flamed by petrol

Its gas will kill me yet

It feels so good that I am mental

To smoke another cigarette.

Reviews

[alesuriko]

Wow this is really descriptive. You could feel everything that the cigarette causes you to feel without the knowledge of what's making you feel it until the very end. At one point I thought you were talking about Draino or some other kind of poisonous liquid you find under the kitchen sink. I really liked the flow of this one, although there are small parts of the rhythm that could use some fine tuning. I had to re-read "Deal the tubes, and up & torch 'em!" about five times before it wasn't slightly awkward to read. Otherwise, amazing write. Really enjoyed the imagery. Also now... re-reading some parts, like "Crack the carton!" I realize how much of an anti-smoking person I am to not realize what you were writing about until the end haha.

[J.Black]

Hahaha- well this was a real buzz kill. I thought I was the only one with twisted thoughts! These lines really got to me: "It feels so good that I am mental/ To smoke another cigarette." .. heck, smoking kills, but I think, and believe you should do whatever makes you happy. Not a fan of wet cigs, but heck, things happen. Addictions can be nasty, and hard to over come that's for sure! Great emotion.

[Sara]

hmmm, well, i'm very, *very* anti-smoking personally (my father suffered a heart attack two years ago, and his smoking was such a contributing factor), so i can't exactly condone this poem... still, i do think you've captured your addiction well and i definitely agree with the last two lines... but you really should quit, you know. :-/

[zombiikillah666]

this is a mother f'in rockin poem.
heck yea. anything that talks about torchin s**t,
and doing math.....smoking cigarettes, gots my
freakin attention! ya know it. xD
this is the bomb diggity fresh yes sir !!!
loooooove ah loooooove it. !!!!!!!! (:

[Christina May Shanaberg]

I do smoke, but can take them or leave them. I don't let them rule me. I know people who will buy cigarettes and let their necessary bills go unpaid. I feel the poem was well written and described the days, when I was a heavier smoker, to a "T!" I have five children and quit smoking, when I was pregnant. I do not allow smoking in my own house, even though I smoke; it stinks!! The, occasional, smoke that I fire up, now, I savor; before, it was such a habit that I don't know whether I, actually, realized that I was smoking.

[ashley]

This is great! Of course, I hate cigarettes, but you've described the seductively addictive nature of the urge very well. The flow is flawless, as is the rhyme. Another great poem! :D

[Jeweliet]

This is good! I've never smoked a cigarette, i dont know if you have(?), but i imagine you describe the addiction and desire (almost) well. It rings true for other potentially dangerous addictons as well. I love the structure, neat quatrains, and the rhyme my only qualm is with the 3rd stanza, to me the rhythm isn't quite the same...

It almost sounds like it's written by a mad man (in my opinion). Good write =]