The Maelstrom

 

The essence of nature:

2/3 water, 1/3 pressure

To drown in, be crushed by

To master, to conquer

Win battles, lose the war.

 

Where once was a keeper

A robot saves souls

A light-tower on stones

Of man-made defiance

But electric reliance.

 

For Time is a weapon

The elements’ ram

That batters the fortress

Of self-made Man

Eternity outlives endurance.

 

Savage, wreaking havoc

Impetuous wrecking

Bucking in its paddock

Smashing-in doors

And breaking the banks.

 

Mindless destruction

Blindness of function

Aimless in victory

But always the winner

Forever and ever The Maelstrom.

　

 

The essence of Man:

2/3 water, 1/3 plan

One part possession, two parts famine

The hubble, the bubble

The toil and the trouble.

 

His mind, an oasis

Creation, it graces

Designs, cracks its borders

Whilst barking-out orders

In lessons to obstacles he faces.

 

God is a problem

That he will work out

Just walls to surmount

Though there may be many of them

On top, he will always come out.

 

Playing games with his life

His wife: human strife

That he cuts with a knife

As he walks upon others

To adulter their Mothers.

 

But always the winner

Aimless in victory

Blindness of function

Mindless destruction

Forever and ever The Maelstrom.

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

What an amazing poem you have from this image..
It is a powerful poem even the title, so turbulent ...
As if man and nature are going against the other in a way..
but then talking of human nature for many as in this verse:

Playing games with his life

His wife: human strife

That he cuts with a knife

As he walks upon others

To adulter their Mothers.

I can only say it is a powerful well written poem and take on this image.
I read True's and in comparison I see how men and women think so differently on many things .. even an image..

Chloe

[Nianque]

Amazing. Everything about this poem is powerful. Starting from title : Maelstrom to the end .

[Jessie Sianodel]

This is a powerful poem. It reminds me of a book I read by a German writer....I forgot his name but in the book the Maelstrom was a thing, an entity almost like the power collected itself into a one form. It reminds me a lot of how you worded this too because the Maelstrom was created to become a sort of creator. I know I probably just explained it horribly, but the poem was great!

[Stammers]

The essence of Man:
2/3 water, 1/3 plan
One part possession, two parts famine

This is brilliant, especially when used with the mirror lines of the first stanza,

It's very good, but I get the feeling it's almost tugging in two directions, perhaps a more clear break? But then, it reflects the world more aptly when left to tumble and fall from what comes before.

Nice work, enjoyed the read :) some powerful ideas discussed.

[just rose.]

This is the stanza I keep coming back to:

For Time is a weapon
The elements’ ram
That batters the fortress
Of self-made Man
Eternity outlives endurance.

I feel like there are shades of John Donne in that. It's echoing back to me from years ago, so I don't know precisely what I mean when I say that except that, if there is a little screen between us and the metaphysicals and the after- and other-world that they seemed to access with an ease borne of deep contemplation, then i think the multi-layered majesty of this stanza fits through a tear in that screen - which is an exalted, though secret and deeply felt, place for it to be.

[Sara]

(lol, i've decided to join the crowd!) haha, great poem, i am not disappointed! i like the way you've formatted the poem, the top half focusing on nature and the bottom half focusing on man -- the stanzas almost mirror each other (feed off of one another even), which definitely seems to support what you're saying about both man and nature being a crazy, unstoppable force, each in their own special, screwy way :) ... i love how you ended each half with the same stanza ('but always the winner/aimless in victory/blindness of function, etc...'), leaving the reader wondering who is the real 'maelstrom' here, man or nature? -- which one, really, is worse? ...so, extra points for you for not being afraid to tackle one of those BIG QUESTIONS... after all, why do we need *another* dinky poem about love? :P ...okay, hmmm, what else? though i think this poem has a rather grand, philosophical tone to it (which could bog down any poem and make it boring), i like all the action i see here ('impetous wrecking', 'cuts with a knife', etc), which seems to counteract that and make everything more dynamic and fun (hey, if the movies taught us anything, it's violence is entertaining! :D). i also must agree with cattie rain and say 'maelstrom' is a fantastic word, and i really should use it more often in everyday conversation lol... um, i also like the line 'god is a problem/that he will work out' -- i'm not sure why i like it so much, but i think it's because i'm a science major; on some days i just feel *so* surrounded by all these single-minded, logical people, who i bet secretly think things like that lol... okay, i've rambled enough now (8 points!), so great poem and good job! :)

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

I loved this poem. From What Ii understand is that man will always try to better nature, but nature "always the winner" and "Aimless in victory" which I think means that for nature, a victory against man is nothing, but if man were to win against nature it would be something.

A great write as always!

[nyi]

this is deep..i like these parts
'Of man-made defiance
but electric reliance'
and
'Mindless destruction
Blindness of function
Aimless in victory'

brilliant..

[ettorney]

Well done on this one. I like the description of time and nature as time. How the elements do the destructive work of time. "Eternity outlives endurance". This is a simple truth and Imo truth is what differentiates good writing from bad. This is good.

As I reread this i really felt the rhythm. this could be lyrics for a song or a rap.

nice write.

[zombiikillah666]

i get this.
and yes i understand.
gooood one. again. as usual. (: