Beautiful satire. I adore this so much. Great social statement... absolutely brilliant. I do have to say though, the end of the "To think straight" stanza... really didn't flow, especially compared to the rest of the poem. But this is truly an amazing poem with such great wording, vivid and explicit imagery, and such great references. Like the end, good Alice reference even if it wasn't purposeful. Also the lines "Reform! and conform! / You are part of the body / The whole of the norm" really reminded me of "V for Vendetta," with how England is the body, the eyes, the ears, the mouth, etc. Wonderfully written poem, extremely expressive and so blunt and hard hitting. You opened this poem so well by using 13. It gave the setting and atmosphere such life that ran throughout the rest of the poem without flaw. The rhyme and rhythm is also wonderful. Well done.
I'd also just like to add that my favorite stanzas were the fourth stanza "Poisonous tethers / Are life’s little pleasures" and the last stanza. Really great to read!
I love the book 1984 .. it seems to have been truth not fiction.. so many things have came about that was in the book and yes, I do believe Big Brother is watching you/us.
Your poem is dark and depressing as is the path this world is on .. you got it right and you wrote it well..
Satirical. This poem is chuck full of quotable lines and I thoroughly enjoyed image after image, concept after concept. True enough in the course of modernization, what have we become but the devolved human?
My favorite lines:
Be fed by machines
news, food and culture
Toxic to the vulture
- Three wonderfully clever lines. Quite surprising really, but true.
and
For you are the dead
To them
They are the living
- Great way to facilitate the ending. What is existence? What for is existing?
Another thing I like is that there is a hint of humor in this complex poem of life's modernity. Wonderful write. A favorite!
I love the feel of this poem and the format you wrote it in really helped that. I also liked that it DOES kind of have a sense of randomness about it until you actually slow down and really read it. Which really actually fits with the theme of this piece. Nice job.
What a masterpiece!!!!
5 out of 5 stars
Also the most longest poem I have ever read without getting bored
I love how you have described the world as an office inter-connected by networks of gossip. Sometimes I feel I can never get away from gossip. Its either about me or someone I really love
ok. though it read totally brilliantly, there was a sense of randomness that held my eyes to the poem. at first glance, it looks really long, but there are some really beautiful lines in here. i thought the beginning was weak, and the rhyming felt really forced. but, it was like an escalator; it got better and better.
"For the whole world is mad
With constraint and normality
Imprisoned mentality
What they know:
It is so.
For you are the human
In a lifetime of vampires
That stalk, cloaked, each street
With the masses, the meat
That pack around campfires
And claim themselves Citizen
You may wish to be rid of them
But they’ll rid of you"
amazing lines. I especially LOVE, just LOVE ..
"Imprisoned mentality
What they know
It is so"
So simple, yet such amazing depth and such wisdom. something i ponder on a lot of times.
overall, a random, but great catchy write, sprinkled with fantastic lines that made it a joy to read.
whoa, i like your poetry but, man, is it dark. i remember reading '1984' in high school and getting to the final page and being *so* depressed (dystopian futures really aren't my thing... i'm more of a romance kinda gal. darcy? yes. big brother? no.) this, however, i cannot fault. another well-crafted piece, and a good retelling of the novel, if not in plot, then definitely in theme. i love how you used the same first line as the novel -- i always thought it was so effective in the book at introducing the whole uneasy tone, and it achieves the same thing here... plus, 13's such a creepy number anyways... i think, overall, your rhyme reads pretty smoothly, and even though it was long, i didn't get bored by the poem; you held my attention the whole way through... the one thing that kinda stood out for me was the 'vampires' thing -- i'm still debating if i like that or not. i get what you're saying about the masses being 'dead' and all, but it just seems out of place -- it just has too many connotations my mind immediately jumps to (twilight, dracula, etc), which kind of disrupted my flow a bit while i was reading... but then again, the 'vampires' thing works because '1984' could almost be construed as a 'horror' story so to speak... i don't know. whatever. ignore me and my mumblings... point is, i liked your poem. good job. :)
Poor Winston rebelling. Whatever was he thinking? That he could stand up to the Minitrue and win? Had he been successful he would have been, indeed, the last 'man' (free-thinking, truth-knowing) in Europe(Airstrip one). But, then, no one wanted to hear such rubbish...did they?
Your writing continues to fascinate me, sir. This is excellent!
WE BREAK ACROSS THESE TRAM LINES I DRAW
by Haz
I draw them with lines of reflections through their steps
enough space between them
for your space.. more..