Beautiful satire. I adore this so much. Great social statement... absolutely brilliant. I do have to say though, the end of the "To think straight" stanza... really didn't flow, especially compared to the rest of the poem. But this is truly an amazing poem with such great wording, vivid and explicit imagery, and such great references. Like the end, good Alice reference even if it wasn't purposeful. Also the lines "Reform! and conform! / You are part of the body / The whole of the norm" really reminded me of "V for Vendetta," with how England is the body, the eyes, the ears, the mouth, etc. Wonderfully written poem, extremely expressive and so blunt and hard hitting. You opened this poem so well by using 13. It gave the setting and atmosphere such life that ran throughout the rest of the poem without flaw. The rhyme and rhythm is also wonderful. Well done.
I'd also just like to add that my favorite stanzas were the fourth stanza "Poisonous tethers / Are life’s little pleasures" and the last stanza. Really great to read!
The ending sums it all up quite nicely and carries the weight of this entire piece a great way to end it..
this is so well crafted with rhythm and cadence spot on for such & for the length of this piece rhyming was uncanny~ content very much in tune with today's sad state of affairs~ Big Bro is watching , the seeing is unseen, indeed
This reminds me of a lot of Sci-fi movies Soilient Green, Freejack, of course the book/1984 and Animal Farm,et al.. plus your part about the masses of meat , get in line~ the Our brains whitewashed~ our every move montiored by BB~ Great Stuff!!I could go on and on about this poem, indeed G.Orwell would be proud. you did a fantastic job on this ~ Kudos!
"What’s seeing is unseen..." this intrigued me so much. And then as I read, I pictured this written on a handbill that was blowing down some postapocalyptic street, and wondered about the narrator, the doubt and paranoia and resignation that pervade the piece almost made me wonder if this, too, was created as a sort of propaganda to get the masses to conform. Then it shifted and I thought of it like an underground newspaper, or like Fahrenheit 451, and whether this were part of some subversive oral tradition that somehow got written down. There is no sense of hope in this poem; and yet, the counterpoint established by the jaded and (nearly-) omniscient narration suggests hope by its very existence. Regardless of its source, there is truth in this that passes muster, and that is felt on a level deeper than words. It is more than an indictment; it is a call to action where the action is not suggested, and that is the liberation - because it's all about what they're (or we're) being told to do.
I don't know why, but besides 1984 this reminded me of Soilent Green. This had a mechanistic and industrial feel to it, could so see a miniseries come of this. It is very difficult to hold down a beat and a rhyme in pieces this long, you did a great job of it, I did not have to break my reading pattern but a couple times and most of those were my fault. The first stanza was a great scene setter, very good. I am catching hints of satire, but overall not a satirical piece in my estimation as much a a social comment on the mechanism of modernization and the rightful distrust of the institution. Maybe I am looking into it too much. Any way you look at it, this was balls out and I loved it. Especially Chapter 10.
Beautiful satire. I adore this so much. Great social statement... absolutely brilliant. I do have to say though, the end of the "To think straight" stanza... really didn't flow, especially compared to the rest of the poem. But this is truly an amazing poem with such great wording, vivid and explicit imagery, and such great references. Like the end, good Alice reference even if it wasn't purposeful. Also the lines "Reform! and conform! / You are part of the body / The whole of the norm" really reminded me of "V for Vendetta," with how England is the body, the eyes, the ears, the mouth, etc. Wonderfully written poem, extremely expressive and so blunt and hard hitting. You opened this poem so well by using 13. It gave the setting and atmosphere such life that ran throughout the rest of the poem without flaw. The rhyme and rhythm is also wonderful. Well done.
I'd also just like to add that my favorite stanzas were the fourth stanza "Poisonous tethers / Are life’s little pleasures" and the last stanza. Really great to read!
Anything to not become a part of that! lol
A great poem , one that chills the reader to read!
Makes you think how much an Orwelian state we are already in, wow!
Excellent piece Devons!
xx
"Ask it no questions
It tells you no lies
Use only your eyes -
Be accepted."
This poem is a goldmine of sayings you should keep in your head!
The poem ends quite humors yet a bit downing at the same time.
I think this poem is telling us that "they" are above us, they are watching us, they are controlling us. I also see that you should open your eyes and ears and attempt to absorb all of the information you can, but THAT information should be kept to yourself, for if you know something that you shouldn't it's to the chopper!
WE BREAK ACROSS THESE TRAM LINES I DRAW
by Haz
I draw them with lines of reflections through their steps
enough space between them
for your space.. more..