lol, those last two lines are priceless - and i think the whole thing reads a bit like a grumpier, more adult version of a dr. seuss book :D that first stanza, with that ridiculous list of People Who Do Things, is such a great way to start it -- it just immediately grabs your attention and curiosity (plus, serious lol on the 'i-am-writing-to-complainers' line... hey, i love my grandma, but she *so* falls under this type :P). good job, liked how you mixed things up with some sarcasm...
I find a little contradiction in this subject....as you are constantly looking for the thrill of controversy in your writing...lol, jumping from a railing of words and landing smack dab in a pool of adrenaline laden reviews. Just kidding...This was very well written and put. I don't have a firm understanding of the need for danger either, especially as I have gotten older. Plus I am a worrier and think through things a little too much to be any good at thrill seeking. Nice subject, exceptional writing and point well taken.
In a world that I’m only a Clown to!...
is it, now?
This well written. The structure is perfect. When it rhymes, it is seamless. I agree, it is quite Dylan-esque.
Oh, powerful... very bold and full of energy...a great flow as well and the poem goes ahead with such pace! It begins with a long list of people who "Do things" as you put it so aptly! There is tremendous cynicism in the phrase itself...and it is made so much clearer in the second stanza, with a bunch of striking rhetorical questions...And the conclusion is remarkably profound
"It is nothing to me but a Circus of Dust
In a world that I’m only a Clown to!"
Wow! Amazing write!
I love the concept. It improves steadily with increasing cynicism. To end brilliantly.
But if you will allow me some self-importance - I reckon with a bit of tinkering, perhaps reordering, there is scope for the first stanza to have a really strong rhythm. Or is it just my reading?
Ha, I like this! Loved the last two stanzas. So true. Some people get so caught up in their "job" or what they want do or think they should do. It can be irritating sometimes! I know a couple of those people... They do things just to do them. "Bragging-rights and self-importance / That's all it really comes down to" Yup! Nicely written.
WE BREAK ACROSS THESE TRAM LINES I DRAW
by Haz
I draw them with lines of reflections through their steps
enough space between them
for your space.. more..