Human Error

Words in italics by HAL (courtesy of 2001: A Space Odyssey)

“Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?”

 

It’s sad when it comes down to this

An old brain is bound to malfunction

There’s a point where it reaches a junction

And she’s so very frail as it is

 

“Dave.. I really think I’m entitled to an answer to that question”

 

It’s for her own good now, you’ll see

The best we can do her in practice

Don’t tell me my actions are tactless

We still love her compassionately

 

“This sort of thing has cropped up before.

And it has always been due to human error”

 

She’s rambling again, can’t you tell?

Sure, she’ll say that she’d rather be home

But she just cannot be left alone

One fall and she’ll never get well

 

“I know everything hasn’t been quite right with me..

But I can assure you now.. Very confidently..

That it’s going to be all right again”

 

It has to be done - yes, expensive

Her house, yes, we’ll just have to sell it

She can‘t cope, though, you know, you can smell it

The cleaning should be comprehensive

 

“I feel much better now.. I really do”

 

At her age it’s to be expected

God knows, she must be getting-on!

She’s unwell but she’s not letting-on

Your marbles one day get rejected

 

“I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently”

 

Oh, she’ll be all right, just you wait

It’s only ‘the shock of the new’

The nurses will know what to do

We’ll pop-in next week, make a date

 

“I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do”

 

It’s quite a nice place, don’t you think?

They’re sleeping - they all look so peaceful

Take it, it’s just a teaspoonful!

The nurse should do this - where’s the sink?

 

“Sorry about this. I know it’s a bit silly..

Just a moment.. Just a moment”

　

 

Don’t shout, you’ll wake up everyone!

There, there, don’t cry now, ok?

Well, what else do you want me to say?

I’m not doing all this just for fun!

 

“Dave.. This conversation can serve no purpose any more.

Goodbye.”

 

She looks better today - told you so

You've already had dinner, it’s half-past two!

Mr Cartwright? He‘s dead. What do you mean? Who?

Oh, the nurse is coming now - I must go.

 

“Dave.. Stop… Stop.. Will you..? Stop, Dave..

Will you stop, Dave? …Stop, Dave..

I’m afraid.. I’m afraid, Dave”

 

I’m so busy these days, it’s finding the time

How long’s she been sitting this way?

She’s not eating this, take it away!

What’s that on her mouth there, like slime?

 

“Dave.. My mind is going.. I can feel it…

I can feel it… My mind is going…

There is no question about it… I can feel it.. I can feel it..

I can feel it… I’m a……. fraid”

 

Oh, thanks for the flowers, so kind

She died in her sleep so don’t worry

I’ve forgotten your name, I’m so sorry

I’m just getting old, never mind.

                             

                “Dai-sy, Dai-sy…..”

Reviews

[MissWordSmith]

this was f*****g fantastic.. and i don't use that language normally so i hope u get how much i loved this. the formatting was superb too.
the struggle of the mind... in what a fantastic manner you brought about the fear and madness.
god, i loved this.

[Bear]

A creative perspective, I morn not Hal for he will be resurrected in 2010! Sad the humanity shown to death for it is anything but humane much of the time. Family and friends doing a count down to your passing and the nursing staff making you feel like a burden on them. Damn it I have decided I am not going to go through that so I will just live forever and no one can change my mind :~[ cool poem, fun read!

[Devons]

Your enthusiasm and positivity buoys my own for writing itself, thank you.
It is greatly appreciated when someone reads something from your history. "...I can feel it".
Yeah, I think the best option is simply just to live forever. Simple and effective.

[Lorraine]

It's brilliant how you placed two different perspectives that do not really harmonize with each other. The almost dysfunctional communication add to the dark and tragic approach of this poem. You've set up the mood so well.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

So...as you know, I shared this with a friend today. It had been a long time since I read this and I am so glad that I was reminded of this piece. It really is masterfully done. You know that I think that you are brilliant and this piece highlights just that!

Again and a million times, well done!!

~True

[sayandeep kundu]

This was just awesome, Devon..Superb piece of poetry.....

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

wow.. this is a profoundly moving piece.. i love the technique of the two voices, their words playing off one another, it paints a scene as clear and engrossing as a movie, of a stage play. i felt drawn into the horror of senility, of aging.. that helplessness on all sides to stem the tide.

wow. i'm just amazed by this

[Elizabeth]

aw. the last stanza... got to me.

[mope]

A brilliant concept for treating a disturbing subject. But don't you dare take these words out of context.

[J.M. Barrett]

Honestly, I have never seen 2001: A Space Odyssey. :o
After reading some of the other reviews I have an idea of what it's about (and it seems familiar, so maybe I saw it when I was younger?).

Very nice poem, though. I liked the dialogue within, you can almost hear what the other person is saying even though it's from one perspective. Interesting subject matter. My great grandma had alzheimer and it's strange how your mind just goes when you get older. You effectively captured how a family might be dealing with it.

"I’ve forgotten your name, I’m so sorry
I’m just getting old, never mind."

A clever ending to a wonderful poem.

[zombiikillah666]

i looooove it.. (:
makes me want to dance and sing
to "mr.roboto" mhm mhm. coooool. :D

[Ishan Sadwelkar]

Dude.
You've gone creatively insane.

I suggest you to read "the Missing Person" by Adil Jussawala.
And "Lobo" by HD Nazareth.

Science fiction and mental imbalance well portrayed send a chill down the reader's spine. The whole poem was nice. Ironical, and again, in many portions a parody and what was most stunning was the monotonous responses of Dave becoming more and more intense.