It Wasn't Her, It Was Me

However mine her heart was

It wouldn’t be safe with me

I’d pucker-up, then cut her up

And look inside to see

 

However hot her flesh was

Lusting only after me

At the time, so nice -then I’d turn to ice

And she’d have to let me be

 

However sweet her face was

Could be asinine to me

One morn to wake and find a fake

Had swapped me suddenly

 

However deep her trust was

Would be shallower in me

My introspection: self-rejection

Doubting I was free

 

However snared her life was

The trap was down to me

I allowed my light to shine too bright

And it was only temporary

 

However lost her soul was

It was floating down with me

To rest in a place I cannot face

And that's Eternity

 

However sad she then was

It wasn’t her, it was me

That slices-up life with a carving-knife

To live with a memory

 

However strong her love was

She could never marry me

Those perilous seas of inconstancies

Would wreck the fantasy

　

                             

                       …However, how missed she now was!

                       That such Love could come from me!

                       But what sort of devotion’s this kind of emotion?

                       A misguided bend on one knee.

Reviews

[Stammers]

Amazing. Poems are not very often turned inwards, this was done with honesty and although it was elegant and beautiful, it had a modern undertone, maybe created by the repetitive imagery of the carving knife.

'However hot her flesh was' - tactile, really effective.

The subtle word choices really add a 'not-so-nice' feeling to this. Flesh not skin, etcc. Part honest, part mournful, part demented. I think it's really good.

[Elizabeth]

This made me angry, and made me laugh wickedly at the end. B*****d got his wish, didn't he?

I've known this man. I've loved this man. I died for this man. I laughed at this man as he cried in the street.

Powerful enough to make me want to call him up... and laugh all over. And beautiful enough to move me to pity. Almost.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

Those perilous seas of inconstancies
Would wreck the fantasy

that is such a perfect way of explaining, well, the whole poem isnt it? perhaps even the whole relationship the narrator is describing..

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

A misguided bend on one knee.. as in will you marry me?
Which was not to be.
Some of the darker lines ' pucker-up the cut her up and look inside to see'
Good use of metaphors.. reminds me slightly of Sylvia Plath's writing a bit.. dark, yet sensitive.. This person seems to deem himself unworthy of such a girl and her love...the repetition in this works extremely well.
I think it is a good look into someones soul.. A good soul even though the person thinks himself unworthy ... or maybe afraid of such a commitment...

'However strong her love was

She could never marry me

Those perilous seas of inconstancies

Would wreck the fantasy'

　

Sometimes fantasies may be better than real life.. but this is another story..

Love the poem.

[J.M. Barrett]

I really like your work. It makes me think and ponder and that is what writing should do.

Great word choice and I like how the whole piece just strings together.
I'm a little tipsy so I hope I make sense. :]

All in all, you are a writer that I would quote. And that dear sir, is a very good thing.

[Gandré]

THIS IS VERY VERY GOOD.
so honest... written from experience ...it is . It is a poem one can read and read again. I think, it is the best poem I have read on Writescafe. The rhyme is flawless. The meaning is ubiquitous, it has a good feeling. Memory is central to every way in which we deal with things, one might subsume memory under the category of intellect, and so sad when we seek belonging and call it love which then, was not. One of our ultimate aims is to be happy and to avoid actions which lead to unhappiness but we don't know when falling into love, it is coincidence how a love turns out. It is not difficult here to align d Islamic or Aristotelian principles, moral virtue leads to happiness since, if we do what we should in accordance with our nature, we will be able to achieve happiness which may be interpreted in a number of ways, either as a mixture of social or religious activities or as an entirely intellectual ideal and I like how you wrote about "unhappiness".
I will post the link to this poem on my profile, I hope you don't mind.

[Liza]

wow - living in fantasy - coming back to reality...how sublime! nice!

[zombiikillah666]

This is really really goood. i even had to sing it. lol. :D love it. (:

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

How tragic, this man who pushes away the love of another because he deems himself unworthy. This judgment passed, without consult, from evidence surely made up on his own. Dissecting every aspect until he has snuffed out all that is positive, turning it into what he 'knew' it would be at the outset; a failure.

The point most sad? That hindsight is 20/20. Now he is left to imagine what could have been, instead of seeing it (at the time) for what it was; good.

This is a very good write. Excellent rhythm, rhyme, and feeling. Raw and honest.

~True

[Gheeneil]

This speaks about two people who are not good together as a pair. Compatibility becomes a problem. But, I say, compatibility is still something that two people have to work on. We all have flaws anyway. Giving it (save the relationship)attempt is a good thing to consider. Thanks for sharing.