The Top Of A Hill

Would I could heed my own advice

I haven’t the plans of men and mice

I cannot be kept - though no doubt more would -

to have and to hold from this day forward

Mine is no life that stays where it stands

but it bathes on an island of shifting sands

It drinks in the view as some means of water

that doesn’t quench dreams of some far away quarter

Then thought is for food which makes it more hungry

And sleep is no sanctum that wakes up on Monday!

 

So day after day I live by the day

To settle the future is turning you grey!

I cannot stand still at the top of a hill

There’s a draft, there’s a chill, that’s making you ill!

You must keep on moving, and don’t mind the cost

For nothing is kept, every moment is lost!

But the concept is aging, and I’m still quite a fan

Neither mouse nor of man, a plan’s still a plan!

Ironic, this changing, but the idea was nice

Would I could heed my own advice!

Reviews

[Crowley]

Ahhhhh...this is a very good write, your flow and rhythm and rhyme are starched shirt crisp. "island of shifting sands" line is awesome and conjures up some great visuals. I have giving up trying to reach for the brass ring instead trying to be happy with wherever I am and whatever I am doing. My wife of three years has helped in that sense a great deal. She likes to live by the seat of her pants, and I am kinda partial to the seat of her pants, she has taught me a lot. You have great talent and hit on some really great writing more often than most. Nice job.

[FlawedByDesign]

I've read this a few times and I'm still somewhat lost.
You start off with "Would I could heed my own advice", and while I'm guilty of sometimes twisting the rules of the English language myself, this just doesn't make sense :(

The first stanza uses "I" and it continues into the 2nd stanza only to shift to "you" without a buildup of any sort. Then it switches back to "I" to finish off the poem. This switch seems so unnecessary and totally confusing as the "you" just appears and disappears without any reason it seems. In my opinion the "you" doesn't bring anything to this poem.

At last, the title itself does not relate to the poem. I know it's mentioned in the poem, but apart from that, the poem does very little to relate itself to the title.

This is only the opinion of another mortal; take it as such :)

[Augustus]

A very deep and thoughtful write. I read this today morning but I was in a hurry to go to work so I thought I'd revisit it at night... The central idea has been conveyed by intelligently crafted metaphors and in places superb imagery. "...bathes on an island of shifting sands" was a brilliant example of that. The notion of "moving on" in life repeats itself throughout the poem in various disguises... "shifting sands" for one and "future is turning you grey" for another...
It is a lovely write about how the heart and the mind do not adhere to any one thing, however beautiful it might be..it always runs ahead. To me, the lines

"It drinks in the view as some means of water
that doesn’t quench dreams of some far away quarter
Then thought is for food which makes it more hungry
And sleep is no sanctum that wakes up on Monday!"

elucidate the craving of the mind and the heart to move forward...
The ethos of the poem I believe is wonderfully conveyed through the lines
"You must keep on moving, and don’t mind the cost
For nothing is kept, every moment is lost!"
Very true... the age old saying "time and tide wait for no man" rings clearly here too...
The mouse and man bit seems to come from "the best laid plans of mice and men"....
and the "nice idea" which in the process of moving on has to be abandoned, I believe can easily be generalized to any notions or incidents in a person's life, thus the poem is very wide in scope...
Again, an elegant write from you Devons, and a pleasure as well as a challenge to review... :)

[zombiikillah666]

Wonderful.... ((:
another good piece by the
master of poems n' stuff xD
You rock (x

[nyi]

woah..this is awesome!..really great poem..my favorite one i have read so far from your brilliant writing...i want to say again..i do like this very much..possibly my favorite poem that i have read on this web site....really nice flow...i very much like the part 'island of shifting sands'..and 'To settle the future is turning you grey'..and 'For nothing is kept, every moment is lost!'..and 'Thought for food which makes it more hungry'..that food part was when i realize what you are getting at.. really appropriate title by the way..so as a whole..simply the best poem i read so far...

[Elizabeth]

"I cannot stand still at the top of a hill

There’s a draft, there’s a chill, that’s making you ill!

You must keep on moving, and don’t mind the cost

For nothing is kept, every moment is lost!"

Perfectly sad... and haunting. Yet hopeful in the tiniest way. The rhyme scheme is perfect... the cadence is dead on. This is superbly done. I love it.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Like the rhyme you have in this very truthful poem though it has a touch of humor it also has a touch of sadness..
Very good Devons, I always enjoy your writing!

Chloe

[miSS LEaf]

i wouldn't normally like to rhyme much but this poem of yours has shown me how to make the best of it~ i guess it owes much to your concise imagery and unpredictable selection of words~ and the subject is one of those lingering questions at some critical stage of people's life~
a thoughtful and impressiv write :) ~L

[A.Lee]

This is a really good piece. I love the way its written. Its intriguing and I love the first and last lines. Well done.