I accepted the love I thought I deserved

Accepting a love that is toxic because love can be so blinding that you find yourself in emotional turmoil in the name of love.

When we first met there was no denying our connection.
It was as though we had known each other in a previous lifetime because everything just flowed naturally between us.
I told myself this is it, it has to be love for I had not experienced anything like this with anyone before.

You consumed my mind in a way that no one else had.
Your words held me captive to your charm and even if you were bad,
I would've still been under your spell.
I knew that I was in trouble now.
I hoped that the love we had wouldn't lead straight to hell.

I was afraid of loving you because I had protected my heart for years
and you walked into my life and awakened a part of me that I thought did not exist.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months into a year.
Filled with laughter, happiness and tears.

You were aloof.
The first thing that came to mind was, I hope it's not another woman.
To my dismay, it was another woman even though I had no proof.
I could tell in the way that you spoke to me,
But your kiss would erase all suspicion and disappointment.

I wanted to tell you how I felt but I didn't to come across as a nagging and insecure girlfriend.
You pushed me away, but the more you did that, the more you drew me in this whirl of pain and heartbreak.
Before I knew it, I was drowning in a mess that we both created.
I was in constant conflict with my heart and mind because I loved you.
I couldn't decide whether to walk away or to iron things out.

I decided I could no longer be under your spell.
You were cold.
Even when I was with you, it felt like I was sitting next to a stranger.
I felt our souls disconnect.
I loved you more.
I cared more
and I hurt the most.

I accepted the love I thought I deserved because I didn't know better.
But now, I'm free. I'm no longer under your spell.
I will not settle for a toxic love.

Author's Note

Feel free to give some constructive criticism.

Reviews

[Sean Maguire]

It appears this may relate to some personal hurt which is very difficult to convey at times. There is pain within the verses, but there is a reflective tone which suggests this is an experience many people face; which it is. Have you tried rewriting it in third person ? Try it and see how it reads ? I also think it could be used as part of a short story or flash fiction. It is also a very brave poem as you are 'bearing your heart' to the world.

[Gcina]

I'll give it a try and I agree that it could be used as a short story. Thanks :)

[Gcina]

Thank you Annacate :)

I hadn't expressed how I felt about it and this felt like the best way to do that Sami :)

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

Empowering and Gratify. I appreciated the tone and message of this piece. Thank you for great read and inspiration

[Annacate]

Very triumphant, strong voice at the end of this poem. I agree with Sean, as human beings, we've probably all experienced this at one time or another if we're older than teenagers. Nice work.

[Sami Khalil]

" this whirl of pain and heartbreak.
Before I knew it, I was drowning in a mess that we both created.
I was in constant conflict with my heart and mind because I loved you.
I couldn't decide whether to walk away or to iron things out.

I decided I could no longer be under your spell. "

Some confession here and some releasing of emotions. Life has appointments and eventually disappointments...An excellent one...:).....................