How to be a Virtual Adult

Just a fun little story about a virtual adult.

Get out of bed with the speed of a snail that has the option for
multiple snooze alarms. Do your best to not hit the toilet seat when
you have to make your morning urine deposit into the toilet. Run
downstairs, make coffee. Don’t forget to take a paper towel and rub
off (get your mind out of the gutter) the coffee decanter, it can hold
dirt that you can’t see. No, I’m not high. Well not yet.

Run out to the living room, take your blow torch and heat up the
banger on your dab rig until it’s red hot. Wait for it to cool down
to clear again �" load up your shatter/dabs/budder/wax and go to town
on that b***h. Feeling good now? Why yes I am.

Dash back to the kitchen, pour yourself some coffee, pound that
s**t while you watch the international news. Drink, drink, drink,
done! Ok, now get your butt off of your chair, run up to the bathroom
and brush your teeth, jump in the shower. Do it. Now!

Bound out of the shower �" run back to your room. Get dressed with the speed
of someone trying to run away from a large land mammal in heat. Dash
downstairs, clean your eye glasses, pack that pathetic excuse for a
lunch, which will probably be thrown out in lieu of better lunch
options at work. Jump in your car, don’t forget to fill up your back
driver’s side wheel with air. Drive safe to work, jerk.