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For Nixie's Competition

And so I finally find peace,
solace in blue sea, sky, the white wisp of cloud,
salty breeze in the air, a crackle of pebbles
as I walk to the waters edge
where seaweed slides under the surface.
A foot splashes before being joined by the other,
cold skin shivers, goose pimples.
I look straight ahead, there, on the horizon,
where she waves is where I will go.
My body launches into flotsam and jetsam,
effluent and little fishes, feeling free floating
in the ocean. I close my eyes,
I know there will be no cries, only silence.
Final breath bubbles are swept away,
lost in the foam of immersing spray,
surrendering to the seabed, where crabs
crawl and barnacles slowly bite onto bones.
True friends forever hidden in the depths
And so I finally find peace.

Reviews

[Elena Rojas]

I really like the syllable pattern you put in the poem, and the way you described the ocean. I myself have never seen the ocean, so I have not an idea how it feels to be on the ocean. But alas, I can relate to the fact that I find peace in nature, and in what is around me. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to hear more from you! ;-)

[*** Hey Jude***]

This piece tugs at the heartstrings. Knowing that the pain from love can almost be unbearable at times,I can relate so very well as I have always found solace and peace at the sea as well. I hope this piece was cathartic for you. You are not alone my friend! Great write Gary ~ Jude :-)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Hi Gary!!!

This poem is so peaceful tho in the end im thinking there is a woman alive .. you are walking to..
you know i can hear the pebbles crackle reading and taste the salt in the air .. so the ocean is your lover, the ocean is your mother.. where peace lies within .. beautiful and yes, a bit sad ..

Chloe
xoxo

[JohnL]

Despite this poem having an innate sadness in the literal interpretation of its content, several of its critiques ignore the aspect and concentrate on the descriptive quality, which is very high. you use a certain amount of onomatopoeia - 'crackle of pebbles' - and somewhat more alliteration - all of which is beautifully understated and therein lies its strength. Despite the sadness of its theme, I too was more charmed by its nature study than by the message beneath and I suppose the 'bather' found happiness in joining 'she who waves' in the waves. I didn't therefore, find this depressing and would hazard a guess that this is just the effect you sought???
Spectacular; barnacular. I jest.
John

[Lauren Beth]

I loved it, it is truly beautiful how you capture the nature of the beach and the sea.

[Jessica]

I LOVED THIS! it leaves me with a sigh! i love any body of water, ocean, lake, sea, pond! theyre just so beautiful and even more preciouse when calm! this write really depicts the mood i feel when i'm looking out at the horizon sitting atop a body of water! great job!

[deeps]

I think this is a most lvely write here, so wonderful

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow gary you paint a marvelous picture of nature... it gives me delightful goosebumps reading this.

[Gandré]

This is very sweet. Glad to see you here. Liked how you combine love and nature. superb.

[Nix]

Aw, loved this Gary, I felt as if I was there on the shore looking out with the breeze against me skin. The ending was a nice surprise (though not nice, nice) which brought the poem together. Really enjoyed this one, thanks for entering it into the competition. :) ~ Nix

[Masq]

The imagery in this piece is wonderful. In my minds eye I could see you going into the water and drifting out into the ocean as you are slowly submerged and dissapear from my sight into the watery abyss. Though it's sad, this piece was very enjoyable to read. Great job!