Love Poem

You are the mirror of my mind
The rib from me He's taken
The call from Heaven screaming
You are a love story

And when the ground below is cracking
That path we've walked in faith

And when the darkened castles come
Claiming the mud and clay deformed

And when hearts are filled with violence
and fear does not reside

And when the proud seas declare war
on us. Men, the race of God

And when the mighty mountains fail
The Heaven's floor does rise

We'll hold on to each other
in spite of what they say

We'll walk whats left of Yahweh's path
We'll take it day by day

Author's Note

I wrote this while listening to "Just the Two of Us" (LOL!)

For a friend

Reviews

[Dev]

This is a really well written piece. It has deep meaning and great imagery to it. I actually get what you're saying really well

My fav part was the last 2 ending lines

"We'll walk whats left of Yahweh's path
We'll take it day by day"

a great way of ending the note in hope.

[Bud]

Wonderful poetic tribute.

[nunldon]

Ode to unduring love despite the trials unleashed at every turn. A very nice testament to a dear friend.

[Keli Renee]

Eternally Elemental made me giggle with the review.
"Your rib is more than your friend." hahaha. =]
Im not entirely sure, but based on your other work,
you are relating your friendship with...your rib [:D]
with Adam and Eve. God created Adam from dust, and used one of his ribs to create Eve. It sort of sounds like a modern-day Adam and Eve love story.
That's my take on it, anyway.
Great job, DaVi

[Goddisia]

I like the strength and purity of your voice. It is lovely to see such zeal and power.

[Eternally Elemental]

So, the ever peculiar Gabriel strikes a cord in the hearts of the devoted. (I'm teasing)
What better way to express someone as part of you than expressing them as the very bone used to create your other half? It may not sound attractive to someone to say they are your rib, but the significance is incredibly profound.
The word 'and' was used in a funny way. The best part of writing is learning to begin sentences in new creative ways. Or at least that is one of my favorite parts :D

This is a promise. A beautiful promise to endure all forms of spiritual erosion. May I ask, who is Yahweh? My memory is kind of tilting toward the Jew name for God. Is that right?

Hehe, I find it funny how you wrote it for a 'friend'. Your rib is more than your friend. Interesting song to create something like this.

Nice piece. All gooey and lovey duvey, as a romantic tribute should be.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow .. that is a pretty powerful tribute.. to define the other as the rib from me he's taken.. defining her as a very large spiritual part of you.. this was really great. Your ending day by day.. that is the best perspective to have in life.. for no one can no what comes beyond tomorrow and paths may need to change in this world we live in today. Living in the present.. living with knowledge from the past and hopes, goals and dreams for the future.. very great light!

[Charles]

Again, a very good poem that transmits a powerful message - one of constancy in love and faith. Nicely done - good sequence of thoughts (flows well), good meter in most stanzas. I do have trouble imagining a castle coming and claiming the mud. Since Heidi seems to be a pastoral sort of girl and given the natural setting why couldn't it be something like cattle coming and trodding in mud (anything to get away from an inanimate object (castle) being so very active. Also, I think the 'ands' are a bit overdone. I think you could eliminate the initial 'and' in line 5 (start with When), change 'that' to 'the' in line 6 to soften the line up a bit; eliminate the initial 'and' again in line 9 and try to get another beat or two in line 10; and do away with the initial 'and' in line 11. None of this hurts the meter which is irregular as it is. The strong rhyming in the second lines of the last stanzas punctuates the poem nicely - brings it to a definite conclusion (hopeful as it is). Very nice writing!

[Tamz]

This is so full of hope and determination.
I love this!

[A Touch of Insanity:)]

It's sweet, it makes you think of past loves...and yet it actually is very desolate in the fact that knowing there is such a battle to get to that final "happy ending" if there ever is one. It reminds me of a hope that better things will come. Excellent write, one of my favorite's in the fact that this actually made me think about what's being written, and the emotions that are going into it.