A curious case of Mr. Curious

A Story by Gaurav

A hilarious satire on sadness and tragedy

23rd March, 1994

“I know. Sometimes, stars don’t want to orbit. Do they want to break free too? The center of a galaxy is so heavy that its gravity pulls the star, forcing it to orbit around it. Is the galaxy orbiting too? Yes, i think. Who is the base, then, taking into account all permutations? This orbit that, that orbits that but which doesn’t orbit?” " I asked to my 3 year old son.

He was staring at me, when i started asking the question, by the end of which, he was staring at the graphic of a lioness printed on a bed sheet.

I felt depressed, knowing that even a human with fresh brain don’t understand the question. I wanted to tell him the story of his past birth and how he should help humanity grasp nature of things - macroscopic and microscopic.

13th June, 1995

“Don’t shout! I am not your servant.” - My wife shouted these words on my pale skin. She didn’t even wait for me to respond and started laughing, mimicking demons of pre-Ramayan era. She laughed for ~73 seconds, looked at me nervously and blurted out some unclassified words. Suddenly, the voice of cry from my Cerelac-craving son fell on our ear. She left her sentences mid way and gave me a look, saying as if - “I am not done, you son of a b***h and her husband. I am gonna return.”

I could hear her kicking my son’s butt with her palm and abusing him with sophisticated idioms. I didn’t care. She had hit my butt several times too, using palms of her hands and feet.

6th September, 1995

The sun was about to rise, when i heard those alarming voices, i supposed, were coming from my son’s room. I put my hand on wife’s side of the bed to check her availability for solving the issue and found her missing. I rushed towards the room, where i saw my son hanging, his head tilted downwards, from her hands. She was using my son as a pendulum, oh, asking him to respond aggressively. I snatched the pendulum, oops my son, from her hands and showed my rebellious middle finger as my protest for this out-of-the-box motherly affection.

I took him to my side of the bed, pleading him to stop sobbing so much, and concentrate on broad things. “what do you think about emotions and the consequences resulting thereof? I think, emotions are not natural. Why? Because they change abruptly and very quickly. You feel happy to see someone and grumpy even to think of someone. If we all are made from same chemical substances, how can you love hydrogen in one matter and hate another hydrogen in second one?” His audacity to sob increased this time, and i, on my unfortunate parental skills, dreamt of her mother to come and caress (in her own fashion) his butt.

1st December, 1996

“Today, we all are gathered to mourn the death of a great man, while he was alive, Mr. Tony. I want you to take 2 minutes out to pray for his soul’s peaceful departure from this sinned earth. I also want all of you to think of yourself as next-in-line and admire the death as you admire life. I also want you to shout in your mind, while remain in silence, as if to communicate your permission for Mr. Tony’s soul to Rest in Peace. Proceed.” - Mr. Tony’s third wife, and not some man-in-black, pronounced those relaxing sentences. I asked my brain to take out 2 minutes for this task but what the f&*k. Out of 120 seconds, i could only think of ‘a great man’ for only 24 seconds, and that too imagining him with my wife, who left me a year ago (after the pendulum incidence) and married him to become his second wife, only to divorced again after 3 months.

My son, who forgot to do the delicious lunch "cooked by me" in school, was also with me. He, i think, did not close his eyes for 2 minutes and instead was looking at a frog on the leaping movement. I was angry. I took his attention by throwing a stone at the frog. The stone, however, hit the dead body, which was a dead body of ‘a great man’. My son looked at me, laughing. I took him to a nook and asked him to behave in an accepted manner. I also asked him to contemplate on this very specific issue, known as death, for some hours. “the death is going to be a reality, as you going to fail is one. You can’t escape both. Read Quran, Bhagvad Gita and Bible to understand the real nature of body being born and body decaying. What, as per you, will happen to the body of ‘a great man’ after his death? I think, he will go to hell for marrying others’ wives. You know, all of his wives were second-hand. Hard to believe. Well, you, my son, have to devote your time in grasping these intricate issues.”

19th August, 1999

Mr. Alfred, my doctor, was a very patient man. He listened to my aching voice, in my own posture in luxurious bed in his clinic, and never complained if i ever forgot to take medicines or consume alcohol. This, i think, showed his generosity towards his patients, which leave patients to do what they like and not what is otherwise required. I had a relationship with him of 6 years. Now, at present, i was telling him my condition in my trembling and aching voice and wondering that a record had been made for such a long patient-doctor relationship. How, and in what portion of the earth, would it be possible for a simple heart-ache to convert into heart-attack? He, by the way, asked me have rest and take care and do what pleases me. It was so nice of him.

“What pleases me?” " i was thinking in the cab returning home. I thought of food, sex and asking questions to my 8 years old son. Well, i couldn’t eat my favorite spicy and oil-drowned food, not because Mr. Alfred had added a precaution. It was just a matter of heart-ache every time i ate such food items. Well, regarding sex, Mr. Alfred was responsible. He had remarried my butt-soaking wife, after ‘a great man’ died. I had proposed her too to remarry me but she had said - ‘its complicated’.

I reached home, in the meantime, to find my son reading ‘a brief history of ww1’, when other children in the neighborhood were busy playing. “what’s wrong with him? How he turned out to be such a jack-a*s?” - I wanted to delve in this mystery but, out of my 3 pleasing tasks, he was the only one left. I took him to my favorite British-style restaurant, where a conference on ‘reducing the use of nuclear weapons for everything including war’ was taking place, and asked him questions about infidelity in the 21st century and India’s role in Cosmos after achieving success in MOM.

25th December, 2000

I died on this day. My heart had caught me during its non-communicated-earlier attack and so i couldn’t respond. When i took a breath after the death, i sighed a relief. I saw my son staring at my body, in philosophical posture, and telephoned his mother to arrange a worthy, but not so expensive, ceremony. He requested her to save some money, out of this venture, for his college education, if in case, he will not receive any scholarship. What was i feeling? Nothing. I wanted to wait for my ceremony but i had no time, as ‘a great man’ was calling me to have some communications regarding our earthly wife.

© 2016 Gaurav

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Ranfer

It was funny and sad at the same time.
Well there are some people like this but we should not discriminate them.the story was nice.You have written some events about that curious man and also about his wife.you could have added some more events.