Teenage Love

About my holiday...Sad and happy about it....

The last shrilling ring
Time to end that summer fling.
Take a deep breath
I take these secrets to my death.

These hallways are neverending
As are those signals you're sending.
Paint me like a china doll
The fake, pale pink smile and all

Scribbled hearts surround your name
My head leaves my hand at blame.
I don't want to confess
But I'm just an emotional mess.

Send me a carnation
Make this a sensual narration.
  Be alluring and make me sweat
Let's go have some fun, in the janitor's closet.

Scribbled hearts surround your name
My head leaves my hand at blame.
I don't want to confess
But I'm just an emotional mess.

Hand in hand, we will jump
Staying together as we crawl.
Falling forward, trying to stay on track
One step forward, two steps back.

Carved our initials in the old oak tree
Take off my chains and set me free.
Let the chemicals burn and boil between us
Pull the strings till they adjust.

Scribbled hearts surround your name
My head leaves my hand at blame.
I don't want to confess-
But I'm just an emotional. F*****g. Mess.

Reviews

[Merenwen99]

I like your rhyme throughout, but you could work a bit on flow. Some of your lines threw the reading off a bit because they were much longer or much shorter than others. For example:

" Be alluring and make me sweat
Let's go have some fun, in the janitor's closet."

The second line there (4th in the stanza) is one of the longest (if not the longest) in the poem. It makes the reader stumble over it and then struggle to get back on flow.

For the most part, this is an enjoyable read. I especially liked the repetition of the line "My head leaves my hand to blame".

[Enigma]

I'm a fan of rhyme. So sure enough, I really liked your poem. Yes! You do sound emotionally messed up..lol
Once again, I really liked the rhyme.It made the poem all the more interesting for me. And the repitition of that verse was impressive too.It can make a good song (rap).You should have the girl read this poem!!
Great Write!!!....^_^

[Niki Disaster]

I'm usually not a fan of so much rhyming, but this is really cute. An accurate and honest interpretation of adolescent love. Do you have music for it written also? Because I can hear it as a song also.

[mim]

"Talk alluringly and make me sweat"
be alluring? flows better :)
i like the rhymes :)
xoxoxox