Chapter 2 - That or nothing else

The coffee I drank had removed the sense of hunger, although I knew it was temporary, it was enough for now. Trying to figure out what exactly happened last night wasn’t as easy as it would seem. Only now I noticed that I hadn’t come home with more than thirty Canadian dollars, which of course wasn’t enough to survive for the next two weeks. Not after I bought those cigarettes. How could this even happen? I could swear that I had more, since my parents left me with a thousand dollars. It has been a week and I’m down to thirty. I sighed and crossed the street after seeing a green light.

It was past noon right now, and really hot outside. My dirty, black, shirt didn’t do me much good and I could feel the sweat pouring from my armpits.

As much as I didn’t want to, I had to face Diana. And being the one that partially caused this mess I knew she would resent me for it. She may be even right, I couldn’t help but feeling it either. And on top of all that, I needed money.

Unlike yesterday, I had to walk towards my new workplace. I couldn’t say I didn’t like it, but from time to time, one gets tired of his own thoughts. Oh what I would give for a moment of true silence. I kept thinking how boring it would be, if I had any luck I would be sent home with an excuse that there was no job to be done. Bad thing however was the fact that I’m supposed to be paid for each hour, and how that manager put it, I’d most likely be sitting for half an hour waiting for him to say there is nothing to do. The yesterday’s shipment was probably cleared by now, I assumed as I entered the warehouse. The smell was still there however.

“Oh, you are here. Wait just a moment”, a shadow behind the window said not long after I knocked on the doors. I felt unpleasant, because, in reality I was never meant to work. Or I never imagined myself in that position. What was work anyway? Most of the time, it was the best way to create a mindless person to do anything in order to get money. This in the end, pointed to bunch of regrets. But there is a bright side though; the alternative is much worse, which is where contempt starts; simply losing your ideals because there is no escape.

It was almost clear to me now that I wasn’t welcomed all that much. Standing for five minutes outside the doors made my legs hurt. “Ok, come in.” the voice I vaguely recognized spoke. Opening the doors, a guy known to be the manager of this place, held a pad which seemed to be meant for me. “I’ll meet you with Tim now; he has a job out in Brantford. After that he will introduce you to the specifics.”

I looked at him for a second, “Ok, sir”. We walked briefly and I saw Tim to be no higher than me, and spinning the van keys in his hands.

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There was blood all over; he got his hands dirty and had to rush for the sink in order to wash them. He knew, for a second, that police wasn’t going to show up for at least an hour. He doubted that, which was only natural considering he did this for the first time. He did try to prepare himself, but how ready can you be to take a life, not just any life either.

For a short time after he was staring at the body, disgusted. Even though he made a clean cut, he couldn’t stop the artery from spilling out blood for a few remaining heart beats. The woman now looked pale, and he found himself having to carry the body, only after he wrapped it in a plastic bag. He grabbed the legs and dragged her with his skinny, long, arms trough the hallway. Other than this, the house was clean and well decorated, it was something he couldn’t help noticing.

Maybe it was the act, which carried its own consequences, that made him feel uneasy. He cared little for the woman, or the fact that she died. “It’s yet another death, how is it different if I feel guilty” he thought. But it was different, at that moment; it was only that rush that happens when you face such high risk that kept him loving this. It wasn’t the fear of getting caught that he was afraid of, it was only that this “game”, would end.

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“Here it is kid, I got this shipment out in Brantford, I plan to be done with it by noon” he said arrogantly. “Err, okay.” I replied, while looking at him as if he was my own age. I guess he felt that disrespect, but didn’t care much for it. “Just do as I say, and we’ll be fine” he added, and opened the van doors.

It had taken us half an hour to reach the outskirts of Hamilton, I always saw it as a beautiful town, having nicely arranged neighborhoods one would usually see in American movies. It was just a nice scene however; I imagined it was filled with as much problems as any other place on this planet, an example of something I really didn’t want to notice.

In this early, 6 AM traffic, it would take another 45 minute ride towards Brantford. For me, it was like going to school, but it didn’t save me from being tired. It seemed that Tim wasn’t how I expected him to be, he had this dark look on him in the warehouse, but here he was all social and crap. He kept rambling about his new Mercedes that he bought from a friend. I actually remember the whole story, but it would be painful to even try and think about it again. Of course, I knew nothing about cars or the way they worked, and that didn’t seem to stop him from talking about how he lowered his tires today.

 Diana’s place was a short bus ride away, the only problem was, if I were to take this bus it would mean I would have barely any money left. It was my only hope anyway so I didn’t question long on what I was my next move.

I reached the bus station overlooking a huge residential building. Already being there was a woman in her forties staring at the ground, as if she was sleeping, but instead being deep in her own thoughts. Since I was bored, I would notice a few long looks toward the building and thought it would be natural to look in the direction of the arriving bus. But she never did.

Being here, I though, was the worst place on the earth. I had sat on the only available seat on the bus, and it being 3 PM, and scorching hot, I could barely think about how horrible the bus was. Behind me was an old homeless man that smelled like a rotten dog and appeared to be sleeping. And the smell wasn’t even the worst part. I didn’t want to turn around but I could only hear this lady complaining about the society and her granddaughter being “lazy as f**k”. I could barely stop myself from walking over to her and slapping her after fifteen minutes of listening. I mean, what is going on in their heads when they could only think about social values when I am sure they, like me, were thinking about how pointless world is. Is that what happens when one finds his goal. If that’s true, I don’t want it. I don’t mind the fact that I have to abide to the rules, because there is nothing else but living in a cottage out in some forest hunting for animals. But if I lose who I am just to survive, is it worth it? It is just too hard to accept everything I was thought about this world. My thoughts felt to be alien in this whole story.

Just when I reached my stop I got up and saw the same fat woman sitting like she was shot in the stomach and holding her bag while still saying dumb things to her equally annoying friend. The doors opened and I got a relief from the homeless smell. Maybe all this was good after all; it makes one think about other aspects of life for a while and not just hold onto one idea for the rest of his life. Because no matter how this homeless person smelled, I would have found a lot of interest about how he sees things around him. I don’t think it is ever about the way of life he lives, it was moreover how the same way of life changed who he really was.

The long ride was over, and Tim was now parking the van as if he had a down’s syndrome. I unplugged my seatbelt and stood on the empty parking space. We were, in fact, in front of another warehouse and I imagined we would be carrying boxes into the van all day. Fun, isn’t it? Well at least Tim seemed to be excited when he walked up to his old friend and gave him a friendly hug. “You are early I see.” The guy said and showed him the way inside. I felt I should fallow them but Tim turned for a second and made a retarded wave just to tell me to go away.

Sorry for assuming this was a job, huh. I did in fact want to pluck his eyeballs out but then I realized something was happening across the street.

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It wasn’t long before the dawn and Daniel was only sitting on the chair and imagined himself in his bed sleeping. This whole thing made him stay up for two days straight. He never wanted to go down this road again, but under the circumstances he was in, he also didn’t want to go to jail for the rest of his life. “How could Larry do this to me?” he demanded, with his arms touching his wide, wrinkled, forehead.

Around him was nothing more than another fancy house interior. After all, while he was waiting, there wasn’t much to do except look at the nice chandelier on the ceiling and try not to think about what went on here. The doors slammed open and he stood up as if he was back in the army camp; an idea that he would gladly take now. It was in fact his former friend Larry who had him doing this in the first place, and being blackmailed into it gave Daniel a feeling of hate. Larry was a tall fellow, and was originally his superior in the army; which kind of stuck to this very moment.

“You got rid of the body?” “Yeah, all that’s left is to clean up this mess.” Daniel turned his head towards the doors and watched the blood trail that led towards the back doors. “Well, it isn’t going to clean itself.” Larry stated with idea of leaving this place in his mind. Daniel gave him a look of despise, and waited for him to leave. He wasn’t even sure why Larry came, considering he had to bring an ear as a proof of the act. “This thing was even bigger than Larry” he assumed as he went for the cleaning gear.

Larry was a phlegmatic person, even with that in mind; you could feel the change in his voice when he remembered his part in all this. He opened the doors of his Jaguar and got another glance over this old house. He was once here before, remembered how his father would hold his hand as they walked on the stone pathway. The woman however, was just business.