Make Thee Immortal

Hair glowing within threads of gold,

to light the face of expressions dream.

A land, a place, for mere mortals to weep,

as only in eternal life may I lay beside

sweetest eyes of living love, for me to see

and be seen by, though my image fades

when upon my mind is thee. Elegance

serves the meagre men, though smiles are

born for me, in future's face I see myself

and all that life may be, though the

blood still pours from the wound,

which in time was first to thee.

So in hope, our eyes may meet,

but In words, I will make thee immortal.

Author's Note

Wrote this one about an hour ago, after a trip to local Tescos. Weird, but still, enjoy.

Reviews

[Helen Crutchett]

"So in hope, our eyes may meet,
but In words, I will make thee immortal."

Now why can't someone write something like this
for me!!?? To be made immortal by a man, you must
have to be some woman! Loved the romance. Thank
you for submitting this to my Valentine's contest!


Helena

[Tommy]

What a great piece! Love newfound and love that has been lost, creates the fear which is not unlike the fear of death, because we know the feeling this can bring if it goes astray. However, if one will never step up to the proverbial plate again, they will never hit the proverbial homerun of life, which I feel is finding the eternal love of our soulmate.

"So in hope, our eyes may meet,
but In words, I will make thee immortal."

What powerful words, so true to the lust of love and the fear of hearts precedent broken.
RLG,
Tommy

[.]

a feeling in this, tells me you had a nice time at Tescos
this has feeling

[Hollywood]

I loved it. It's very well written. :]

[Michael X]

"make thee immortal"... brilliant line. this is an awsome poem.dark romance.
keep up the great work

[cest la vie]

Seems like that trip was well worth it to return home and pen such beauty..
Poet Brit, your skills are growing by leaps and bounds, and I sit here on the sidelines and applaud...