Make Thee Immortal

Hair glowing within threads of gold,

to light the face of expressions dream.

A land, a place, for mere mortals to weep,

as only in eternal life may I lay beside

sweetest eyes of living love, for me to see

and be seen by, though my image fades

when upon my mind is thee. Elegance

serves the meagre men, though smiles are

born for me, in future's face I see myself

and all that life may be, though the

blood still pours from the wound,

which in time was first to thee.

So in hope, our eyes may meet,

but In words, I will make thee immortal.

Author's Note

Wrote this one about an hour ago, after a trip to local Tescos. Weird, but still, enjoy.

Reviews

[Helen Crutchett]

"So in hope, our eyes may meet,
but In words, I will make thee immortal."

Now why can't someone write something like this
for me!!?? To be made immortal by a man, you must
have to be some woman! Loved the romance. Thank
you for submitting this to my Valentine's contest!


Helena

[Emily B]

a sonnet

I am impressed at your skills

[Simple_mee]

There something in it that attracts you....dont know if its the perfect word usage or the flow....

[emmajoy]

Beautifully near traditional word usage and I love it! Some wonderful phrases: 'to light the face of expressions dream. ' .. sweet words to write of your love ..

Seems a lost and found poem .. sometimes in shadows: 'though the blood still pours from the wound, .. ' and then: ' In words, I will make thee immortal.'

Tesco's never did this for me! Great post.

[Alicante lullaby]

i have read it thrice,,,i was going to ask you what tescos is,,,and it seems,gary,,,through your words that your love,your admiration for things is much more like a worship,,,for it always introduces the kind of serenity one feels inside a mosque,,,
but in words,i will make thee immortal,,,,beautiful,,
as only in eternal life,may i lay beside,
living eyes of sweetest love......my mind is thee,,,
perhaps gary the stone carver who carved Venus de millo was thinking some thing like that,,,,ethereal,,carving his godess,,,,

[Cool Handless Luke]

That's just good stuff. Great flow to it as well. Impressive.

[Taylor H.]

I really like it :)

[Pen Draggin']

I did enjoy this. The ending is what really anchors it. Good Job!

[An owl on the moon]

What a profoundly beautiful write, full of exquisite words of endless love and depth... Your last two lines are simple perfection, vivid and alive with passion. Brilliant!

[Ellen Hammond]

There seems to be conflicting emotions in this write. Sadness, joy, loss, gain, fear, and hope. This flows well and is an enjoyable read.