I Found A Girl Weeping On My Floor

I found a girl weeping on my floor
a dress of frayed edges, burnt to ash
barely covering her taut skin, so raw
she saw me as I entered, footsteps on my floor
her eyes were thick and bulging, full of tears
thin lips like strands of thread, spill blood upon my floor
each tear leaking from her eye, fades away
the stain I see on this girl, still weeping on my floor
I can barely hear those words of hers, full of tears
she turns to me and shivers these words, I can hear
"My name is Laura and I'm dying on your floor."

Reviews

[wolfshrew]

I could see this being a short film
"thin lips like strands of thread" is
such a good line

great work

[Vesa Lee]

Very rarely do these type of writings offer a name, but in my opinion, it only makes the effect more real to the reader.
Graphic, and incredibly sad. I winced myself after reading certain lines.
Very well written.

[.]

this could go far...maybe without the internal usage of floor...I really like the placement on the first and last...solidifying the situation...a good write

[Jenny Nelson]

Quite well described. Gives a very vivid picture. Leaves the reader with lots of options for interpretation. Excellent write.